Right, it’s a delicate balance. I really like your interpretation. You have a lot of insight. But if people can throw snow, bikini line, and molasses into a poem this one throwing in cover one eye is not that far-fetched, don’t you agree?
Poetry / Let Love Find You Again
Cover one eye
And think about it.
Quietly you climbed
A hill so steep.
One and two we slept
While dreaming
That love had found us.
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Raef reviewed Version 2 -
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Nice in its simplicity.
I’m having trouble working out if it’s melancholy or not. They slept as a couple, “dreaming//That love had found us” – the way it’s written suggests that the dream is different to the reality. They’re not in love?
Thanks for posting this.
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Deanne reviewed Version 2 -
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Not sure I get any meaning from this even with your notes. The hill was a construct of yours to keep love at bay?
And you both have a similar dream- are you meaning that awake neither realizes the other feels this way but you both are dreaming it? That would be cute. There is so much miscommunication in love because of fear of being hurt. And here you guys unknowingly are two peas in a pod. It’s different. But for so few words to work I think you should change “cover one eye.” I know what you say it means but you will not always have that opportunity and then it seems out of place where everything else advances the same thought.There must be a different way to say your eye’s caught by another and don’t look too hard ( to the other). Don’t look too hard, it might go away-its delicate…right?
OrribleCabbage reviewed Version 2 -
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I like this piece, especially the rhythm of it. However, I think you reduce the meaning of it a little by offering the explanation of the lines.
Part of the impact of poetry as a whole is that the true meaning of it all is to be decided by the reader, and the author’s job is simply to raise the emotions which guide the reader. That’s one perspective, anyway.
tearmeapart reviewed Version 2 -
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nice wording but feels a little more like a song lyric than poetry.
beysshoes reviewed Version 2 -
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Pura pluma. I want to crawl inside your poetry. Your knack of planting a seed and taking it, within a few lines, into full bloom is startling.
The title is off a few stitches on its fitting for the piece. Sarai
Will7773 reviewed Version 2 -
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I think the poem is pretty much straight forward. Also, I can see where there might have been a little confusion but like you said as long as you just read it, it makes since but structure is there and it flows. It was a nice read and thank you.
momsgirl2 reviewed Version 1 -
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This would have sounded beter if in the first line you had cover both eyes. That leaves it more like you can think about it.
FinnessaWilliams reviewed Version 1 -
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I really liked this, but I was confused about the third stanza. What is One and two?
I loved that it was short, it made a powerful statement and ended. It’s much more difficult to craft a short poem than a long one. I felt like you really knew where to end this and I admire that.
Good job!
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