Poetry / Memory

This piece really exhibits your understanding of the music of language.

In particular I like the repetition of “I” as the subect, as it focuses on the narrator’s feelings and creates a sort of flow. This also helps to express the theme of conflicting emotions in the poem.

The imagery is interesting and evoactive, though you may want to include a concrete image or two, just for clarity’s sakes.

What I also like is how you juxtapose rather long lines with quick, short ones. The ending was also an interesting turn of events, given the emotional build-up in the rest of the poem.

I really enjoyed this piece, though I’m not that into romantic poems.
The first 5 lines have a great flow to them, not that the rest of it doesn’t have a good flow, it’s just nothink like the first fine lines

I actually found myself creating a tune to this. You should really consider taking this apart and turning it into a song!

This was magical – so much vivid imagery here, that I truely felt a part of this poem. This was sensual, dark, and romantic – with a touch of sorrow at the end. Great job making these words come alive!

I really love the emotion in this piece. Great imagery. My favorite lines :
“Slowly dissolving reality
Forcefully and rapidly “

Happy writing,

JD

prescence- This word is misspelled. Should be presence.
“I can feel his breath
A warm veil of enigma on my cheek.” I don’t know about this line. It seems confusing and takes away from the tension of the poem. The definition of an enigma is something strange. A veil is a cover of some sort. Do you see what i mean.
The rest of the poem is very potent in a sense that she is talking about a memory. “He comes to me in a timeless shadow” Very haunting. A really nice line. It grabbed me because anyone who has seen my poetry knows how much i love the haunting and shadows. I am obsessed with dark images.

I like it. This feeling sucks for a lot of people but i guess you cant really be alive without it happening to you once. makes you appreciate the better things out there. Some lines could have been shortened but it was good.

I found my self “in the moment” of this and then felt disappointed at the end when discovering that it was just a memory (even though the title hinted at that).  My only suggestion would be to play with the words a bit to show a stronger emotion from the person speaking in this poem.  They seem slightly distant or detached.  Thank you for the opportunity to read your work.