Short Story / Ascending Tears...

Short Story… Ascending Tears

Written by I. Teddy Bonet

Chapter 1

Today I sit here looking into space…

Today I sit here just staring into space, never believing in all my life this could happen to me. I am a young black woman with a lot to look forward to, but instead of thinking about college, I am sitting here wondering if I’m pregnant or not. I guess it’s not so hard to believe. I mean that’s what most people expect from a young black girl raised in a somewhat decent home or trying to act like it was so decent. Like my parents didn’t fight, or like my sister didn’t already come home pregnant at 17 years old-and that’s what they expected from me. I haven’t even went and got an E.P.T. test yet.

Maybe I don’t care, maybe I’m just scared to know what my mother will say:
“Your What”? .
“I just don’t know what to say Reesie, didn’t I teach you better then that”? or
“In this day in time you should know about birth control or most importantly AIDS”.

My father, please… He’ll just look at me and burp. (Which means his stomach is bothering him because he has an ulcer). Then he’ll say nothing, but look at me with disgust, like I was shit. Because he would never do anything like that. But that fool doesn’t realize I know he has an illegitimate son about the same age as my fourth oldest sister that he doesn’t even acknowledge.
There are five of us. I am the youngest out of all the girls. My sister’s, two of them anyway- will act happy for me but really won’t be. The two oldest one’s will be concerned because I am the baby. You know being in a big family especially of all women, there’s always conflict. Because I was the baby they were jealous. But Momma didn’t make any difference between us like they said she did. But I just didn’t think.

All I knew was this wouldn’t happen to me, I thought I was different- not better than any of my friends. I just wanted more for my life. You know? But when I met Junior, I thought he was different because it seemed like he wanted more out of life, like me. We both wanted to go to college, good jobs, a white picket fence- a fairy tail I guess. I don’t know, I mean he’s not a bad guy or anything. He hasn’t put his hands on me. Unlike my Ex Bobby Johnson. That’s how I knew there was something special in Junior.

I mean he doesn’t come from the best, but he doesn’t come from the worst either. I mean damn, I am only 18 years old; I already fucked up three years of my life messing up in High School hanging out and getting high. Now that I am finally trying to get on the right track and look what happens I met a damn man and swear that I’m in love because the sex is good, shit.

I told Junior I might be pregnant and his dumb ass says:
“What are you going to do”?
“What do you mean what am I going to do”?

You weren’t saying that shit when you where getting yours, were you-huh? You were saying:
“Oh Baby I love you”.

Where’s the love now? Now it’s what am I going to do—
Don’t worry what I am goin’ do. I’ll handle it all by my self. Now get out ‘cause you’re just like the rest of those cowardly negroes, full of shit. My grandma always said:
“If you have one piece of Shit, you might as well stay with him ‘cause there’s only going to be another piece of shit to follow”.

You know what’s so funny, I can remember almost every time Junior and I made love. I really thought he was for real I know I’m not no expert or anything but he felt like what a first time should feel like, even though he was my second boyfriend it was very much like my first time. He always reminded me that he didn’t have a lot of money, -(like what I was used to with Bobby). But he always treated me like a lady.

I remember one night there was a knock at the door. I opened it looking past the man who knocked. There was this big white limo in front of my door. I knew it was Junior because he works at Regal Limousines helping to fix cars. Then he stepped out with this black suit on and a large bouquet of roses in one hand and in the other nothing but a hand full of pretty bags.

At 18 we were going out like a married couple, full of dreams and hopes. So connected with each other, so under age to be drinking… But we handled everything like champs, because we were more mature for our age than others’ our age. We both had rough lives and had to grow up quick, coming from where we came from.
I stood there looking stupid as he approached the house. When I “woke up” and let him in, he said, ”Do you want to go out”? “I bought you something to wear.” Because my biggest excuse is: I didn’t have anything to wear. So I got Dressed into a new dress that fit like a glove, new shoes with a pointy toe and a touch of lace to match my dress. New underwear- Victoria’s Secret, new perfume, I mean he left nothing out. Everything fit so perfectly.

We went out for dinner and drinks. And we made real love right in the back seat of the limo under the stars. After that night, my heart knew he was the one. I’ve never thought he’d be the one to say:
“What are you goin’ to do now”?

I mean it was kind of trashy in the back of a limo, but it was so romantic. It felt kind of funny with some white man in front, (he may be watching). Junior touched my face Oh so gently and looked into my eyes. I jumped when I heard the front door open- Junior said “it’s Okay” in a soothing voice:
“It’s O.K. baby we have all night”.
“What about him”? I asked
“He’s just going to smoke a cigarette or something.”

I was so nervous like it was my first time. I wished it was because that’s how I would of wanted it to be, instead of some one pouncing on my bones or massaging my intestines… He laid me down making sure to shield my head so he wouldn’t hurt me while laying me down. He then looked into my eyes and said this is what you deserve as a lady and I wish I could give you the stars every night like this, (him not knowing). I would remember the stars shining through the moon roof every time I looked into his eyes.

He didn’t rush me because he knew I was nervous, as he felt my body tremble.
“What’s the matter?”
“Are you cold?”
“No.” I said because it was a humid summer night.
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“You can’t be nervous?” he asked.
“A little.”
“Why, we’ve been together before.”
“I know. I’m okay.”

He kissed me and said don’t be afraid I’m here. Then he locked his hands into mine and raised them over my head and kissed my forehead down to my cheek, down to my lips. He kissed my neck and I felt a chill run down my spine and my body jumped. He caressed my body like never before, he kissed my thighs- never had a man kissed my thighs before. After it was all over he said he loved me, and I believed him. That me believing that bastard is why I am in the trouble I am in now.
Should I get an abortion if I am? I never thought I’d be thinking about killing my baby, I loved that fool and I would have his baby. I can’t believe he’s putting me through this. He hasn’t even called me. It’s been a week since I told him. He probably hasn’t called because he thinks I want to ask him for some money. Or he’s on the street hustling’ trying to raise some money so he doesn’t have to take on his responsibility. I saw my two cousins Brian and Harold a week ago and begged them not to tell anyone…

Ascending Tears

Written by I. Teddy Bonet

Chapter 2

Here I was, running like a coward as if I was in jeopardy. But in fact I was running because I made a life. Not thinking that I’m making another “dead beat dad” story. Now I’m on the 9:15a.m.Delta flight from New York, to stay with my Aunt Geneva up in Rosewell. I wrote a letter to Momma, explaining that I knocked Reesie and I need a little time to get my head straight, I called my job, took a leave of absence and a semester off from school. I know what I’m doing is dastardly and wrong in the eyes of God and myself.

Believe me, that guilt and shame is riding on my back every step of the way, (by bringing another bastard into the world that might end up like me). This is the only way I know how to handle it, (and Momma’s heart will break with a shattering crash). Momma and my twin sister gave up a lot for me because I was the only male in the household. The many chats and lectures from Momma and my Grandmother Nana Brown should have knocked some type of disease awareness and self respect into my ass.

So why did I fuck up so badly? Being so very young, naïve and entering puberty (late). I let a lot of people down. Everyone said that I was such a promising young person. I met Reesie on my little excursion on the college campus, just started. I stopped and stared as she crossed in front of me, wearing that soft pink pastel summer dress. This chick literally took my breath away as all her maturing parts in full bloom swayed with full grace giving full compliment to that dress.

She was 17 and I at the young ripe age of 18 led my nature to rise. I had introduced myself and from then on we were inseparable.
“Hi my name is Junior, What are you taking.”
“Hi I’m Reesie, I am just here to see what I want to take next year”.
We were both very mature for our age. Reesie loved my sense of humor, quick wit and my thin, well-chiseled body. I loved her soft hair, small waist and creamy soft yellow skin.

This is when the legacy of sin began. I knew I wasn’t ready. But… Just then the “no smoking/ fasten seat belt” sign flashed, the ceiling of the rinky-dink plane. I fell asleep, hoping all would go away. Arriving at Atlanta Airport within an hour and a half, I walked along a never-ending corridor to retrieve my beat-up luggage when I glanced over to my left and recognized the zealous face of my aunt Geneva.

I would travel around the states to visit family during my summer vacation. But the only person that amazed and understood me was Geneva. She worked as a bartender all around the town just to make ends meet. Being from Atlanta, she made sure that I was on my toes at all times. Let’s say, she kept it real and never hid anything from me. She would sometimes bring me with her to work and let me hang out with some old hustlers running numbers or real gun-slangin’ gangsters.

These were all cool people and they all knew me and had my back in any problem: like when Reesie’s cousins tried to take my life for getting their baby cousin pregnant. These Brothers already got word, but I told them to let me handle it, after I explained the situation to them. They like me because I showed street smarts, heart and never had to please anyone. Geneva knew why I had come so she hooked me up with a job as a bar back.

I would sometimes be moved from bar to bar if the owner of the chain of bars was short staffed. I never foolishly squandered away the money I made on high price items I couldn’t afford. I wrote Reesie explaining and pouring my heart out on lined notebook paper. She never wrote back. Oh shit! I don’t know if she ever wants to hear from me again. If she has a boy I would like to be in his life, and I want him to have my name Shawn Michaels Jr. The money I’ve been sending her was adequate but I desperately needed to see Reesie and look into her eyes. Maybe the baby will have my hazel eyes and light brown skin. Her due date is February the first.

I yearn for the day to see my child when it’s born. One day I was stocking up the bar on Pine and Walton when this stunning, well-established, classy women walked through the doors. The scent of Channel No. 5 crept slowly into my nostrils. Beverly McMillan was her name, one that I will never forget as she made her way to the bar for a drink. Aunt Geneva was in the back washing glasses. So I took the initiative in taking her order. “What are you having?” I asked “A White Russian,” she said softly. I made her drink and placed it ever so gently in front of her. She looked like she was in her mid-thirties and well to do.

I ignored everyone and gave full attention to her and her problems. This style, grace and sophistication had caught my heart and tempted my palette. As she finished her drink she handed me a very gratuitous tip and her phone number. Slick move. Her smile stayed with me until she drove away in her 1994 Acura Legend coupe.

This is one bad bitch; you know? One of those women. like Robin Givens who played in the “Boomerang” movie. When I reached home she was on my mind, and, being very curious, I called her. “Hello”, someone answered. Shit it was a man’s voice! What do I do? I mumbled, my voice sound like I was nerdy. I pretended I was a representative for a credit card company, and I asked for Beverly. Hello. She said, I’m not interested. Hold on It’s me, Shawn. “Oh, I can’t talk but I’m leaving now call me on my car phone, here’s the number.” I called her.

With my persuasive manly vibe, conversating with her about everything when she suggested that I meet with her at the Marriott Hotel up on Pine street. I told Aunt Geneva about the deal and she gave me a couple condoms. I showered, got dressed, and then ran to the train going into town. I reached there in an unbelievable 45 minutes. This truly is a grand achievement for public Transportation. Fuckin’ A! On the corner I bought a dozen roses from the merchant. Now up at the front desk they sent me right up with an escort. This lady told them what I looked like and I got first class service all the way up to Suite 112.

The room was candle lit and soft jazz played in the background. Her elegant sequin dress draped down toward the floor. I poured the champagne and we both sipped; no words were spoken. Before I knew it she grabbed my hand and kissed it. This memorable night was full of sexual bliss, a long hot bubble bath, and then intense sex. We talked ‘til the morning dawn. Her husband was a plastic surgeon, always working. She had lost her daughter in a car accident. I told her about my son. She gave me the best advice.

Be true to my heart: the money I send to Reesie wasn’t enough. She needed my support not a check. I thanked her for this grabbed my clothes and broke out the door. Finally I reached home. I got a stern look from Geneva I poured my heart out to her about this little fling and the advice given to me. She agreed and made the arrangements. She knew when I had something like regret on my mind that I had to stand up and face my responsibility.

Ascending Tears

Written by I. Teddy Bonet

Chapter 3

I am sitting here watching my belly grow its been a month maybe its not really growing but I know my breast are sore. I heard from Junior, he called a week ago but I didn’t talk to him I hung up the phone soon as I heard his voice. A letter with a check followed shortly after, saying he went to see his Aunt Geneva in Atlanta so he could think things though. He said he took a leave of absence from his job and a semester off from school and he would return when things cool down between him and my cousins who kicked his ass.

I didn’t mean for that to happen but I was angry when I saw them in the store and I was crying and they promised not to say anything to anyone I didn’t know they would beat him up. I saw Junior walking on Hollis Ave. I wondered when he got back, he looked about ten pounds lighter walking like he had a lot on his mind I kind of felt sorry for him maybe he’s going through something I don’t know about, I wonder if he thinks about me.

I had to go to York College to see about classes for September, all I could remember on the bus ride home is that, that was the first time I saw Mr. Shawn Michaels Jr. he looked so good that day. I almost missed my stop as I rang the bell to get off at the next stop so I can go to see about a part time job at Blockbuster Video.

When I walked in the man greeted with a smile he too me to his little office and gave me an application to fill out. “To me it looks good” Mr. Theodore said “the only thing I have open is a couple of hours in the evening. I told him that was perfect because I was starting school in September. He said he would review my application and call me tomorrow, I said thank you and shook his hand and left.

Ascending Tears

Written by I. Teddy Bonet

Chapter 4

This was the time. Arriving at the check-in gate at Atlanta hugged Geneva a solemn farewell. She said that when I’m situated I should bring Reesie and the baby to Atlanta. I agreed and was on my way to the plane. I sat down in Row 19 E with my body idle but my mind racing with thoughts and ideas. The same “no smoking” sign turned on reminding me of my trip when I ran, now going with no knowledge as to what will happen when I arrive. Will Reesie accept me? How shall I act? As the plane breaks away from port and heads for the runway, these worrying questions torment me, and I have a lot of regret. The plane dashes to accelerating take off point and then ascends. Gracefully into the deep blue sky.

When I was leaving I saw Junior crossing Hollis and Francis Lewis Blvd. I kept walking Shit I’m not going to be afraid of him, I didn’t think he saw me, but he yelled out. “Reesie” I kept walking. “Reesie please” I stopped, What! How are you? I am okay, What do you care anyway? I care Reesie I do but I just didn’t know what to say or do when you told me. So I left just to clear my head I didn’t know when I was going to return from Atlanta but my love for you made me return to you. I thought about you while I was gone so, so what are you going to do? “There you go with that shit again.” No Reesie wait please I am sorry I don’t know what else to say. What else do you want me to say? How about how have you been feeling? I did when I came up. I know but you didn’t mean it like that. Yes I did I meant it, Please Reesie just talk to me I’ve been so afraid to call…

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