Thank you for the review! I’m not much of a writer for poetry, but when I wrote this, the words were swimming about my brain and I figured i’d give it a shot.
Thanks again for reading.
Poetry / I write words...
I write the words but I do not live.
I hope that one day my words will give me means,
To live as I have always dreamed I could, without regret.
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Chago reviewed Version 1 -
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prettygirlpoet reviewed Version 1 -
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you’re title reminds me of the scene in ‘almost famous’ where russel says instead of ‘i am a golden god’ – ‘i dig music’. i think that the second line might might make more sense if you used the word ‘meaning’ instead of ‘means’ – you seem to be meaning that you want your words to help you afford a life without ‘real’ work, but i think (my humble and completely ignorable opinion) it would be stronger by using ‘meaning’.
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Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 -
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It seems less like a poem than an expression of something. The first two lines both begin with I. There should be no commas after means and could. It’s more telling us something you think but it lacks emotion or showing or anything one can really relate to. I think you need to expand on this concept. It’s more like notes for a poem.
mpotavin reviewed Version 1 -
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Since this is such a short poem, you may want to break the lines to slow down the reading. Read it outloud. You’ll find the breaks.
This is very sad because living inspires while this is a dream for money. Have you ever noticed that once bands get big, they aren’t as good?
The best short poems invoke powerful images. You need to use some imagery, any imagery.
Where does the regret come in? How does money fix this? I don’t see how regret is connected.
vanessa_rjc23 reviewed Version 1 -
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very simple, but meaningful. the first line brings me back to thoughts i actually had earlier, “i write the words but do not live.” it’s just funny to me how, even though my writing comes from my soul, i find myself contradicting the words i preach in my writing more than i do live by them. i try to, but i guess at the same time my writing is lessons i’m trying to put on myself if that makes sense to you. and it would be nice to make a means of living out of this skill. it seems pretty tough, but we all still keep trying to get on the right bookshelves…
Sibyllene reviewed Version 1 -
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I read the title “I write words…” and I thought “Comparted to writing…. what?” But the title makes sence, after reading your poem. Yeah, poets are odd people, aren’t they? I’m not sure why you have “without regret” in here, however. It’s a good thing to want to live like, but since it’s not addressed in any other part of the poem, it seems arbitrary. Granted… it’s a rather short poem ; )...
lolanation reviewed Version 1 -
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I write the words, I do not live.
Hoping one day my words will give me mens,
To live as I have always dreamed
(if it’er mine that’s how I’d write it)
How you dream ain’t nobody’s business – keep it simple.
:)
Derane reviewed Version 1 -
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a simple, delicate piece with a great sadness of unlived knowledge. Derane
Raef reviewed Version 1 -
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I guess near enough everyone on here can relate to that feeling, that dream.
Have you tried taking it further, maybe another poem expanding on this theme?
It’s nice and reads well, i like the part-rhymes within sentences (sorry, i don’t know a lot of proper terminology).
Keep it up.
confessdeny reviewed Version 1 -
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To write is a nobler calling than government, without the noble bearing such affords.
it’s more like a thought than a poem but thanks
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