Short Story / Killing You Softly
Where some people opened with their next to loudest number, rocking the house before the curtain ever rose, Devin always started slow. A pluck of a string, rolling out from under the curtain. A second, then a third, until there was a melody. It was almost too quiet to hear, unless you were listening for it.
He had fast numbers, driving and driven, working to get into their blood and make them all dance. He did a mean rendition of several covers from the sixties that brought smiles to even the faces of this generation. He’d flash an impish smile and launch into them with hips moving in a way that brought to mind the King if Elvis had snake blood in his veins.
Before he slid into their blood, though, he had to work his way under their skin. Music was seduction, meant to bring you to a fevered pitch, and he believed you couldn’t start it there and hope to leave them sweating and gasping at the end, just begging for release.
Tonight the curtain was halfway up before the notes caught the attention of anyone beyond the second row of bodies pressed close to the stage. It crept higher, and silence started to fall as the gentle riffs worked their way higher, louder, a bit more authoritative. He had them caught before it was all the way up, before they saw his face, his smile.
Devin knew the picture he presented. He worked hard to perfect it. Shaggy brown hair with more than a little curl to it, tumbling across his forehead, into his eyes, and down to cling to his neck. High cheekbones, almost a little too sharp with green eyes that put people in mind of a cat’s the way they tilted just a touch. Full lips that smiled often, though the smile didn’t quite seem to reach his amazing eyes. No one remembered that snippet.
He was in black tonight. Always the leather pants that clung to him like a second skin, topped with a black button down, half unbuttoned to expose a flash of white skin that bordered on being too white without bringing to mind the word pale. He was a tall boy, lanky with what some would call a swimmer’s build, except that he didn’t swim.
The first song rose, and he locked eyes with a girl at the bar. Her song, for her, only for her until tomorrow night when it was for someone else. By the time he melted into the second song, picking it up some, she was pressed close to the stage, fingers reaching for him, along with several others hoping to catch his gaze.
He played them all, working his way through the crowd as the music escalated in beat and tone, from wistful to commanding to an erotic pulsing that had those dancing grinding together. He watched them, the lips that met, the hands that wandered over a stranger’s skin, singing now for them, telling them what to do with words they wouldn’t remember the next day.
Then he was back to her, her with her golden hair and innocent smile, and he was dancing on stage as she mirrored him on the floor. His hands slid over the microphone as his eyes moved over her at the same speed. Closing her eyes, her head fell back in ecstasy, lips parting as if waiting for his.
He finished with a flourish, a screaming command that made them writhe. Everyone wanted a piece of him after, but she was there, watching, chest heaving with each breath. Her lips were still parted, and he took advantage of that, pressing her tight against him as he kissed her long and deep and heard the disappointed sighs around him.
- * *
The doctor sighed when he met with the girl’s parents. His official ruling on the cause of death was heart failure. There were no signs of injuries, no signs of drugs, no sign of foul play. The girl’s body seemed healthy, without a mark on it. Yes, there were signs of recent sexual activity, but no bruising to suggest it had been anything other than consensual.
By the time he signed the death certificate declaring it death by natural causes, Devin was setting up for a gig two states over. The bartender was setting up as well, and Devin let his eyes linger on the boy’s hard lines, the shock of black hair that stood up like he’d just gotten out of bed. Catching his eyes, the bartender looked back, just as appreciative, and Devin smiled slowly.
Tonight he’d sing for him.
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Your writing is very balanced. It’s descriptive, but the words don’t call attention to themselves.
The switch to the supernatural (I’m guessing) was a little jarring. My first reaction was disappointment, as I wanted to read more about an over-sexed rock and roller than a sexy vampiric monster. It’s funny though that I was so surprised, because you played fair. ”too sharp,” “too white.” I do like that.
In the end, though I think the sexy vampire rocker is a little played, I’d want to read more, both to see what happens and because the writing is very solid. Good job.
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I really liked this as a stand alone piece. I’d be interested to see how this character works into your novel, because he seems so complex and independent. I wish you the best of luck! This was a good read.
Well written and the character, although not overly original, was interesting. Keep it up.
I remember a Kate Bush song called “Experiment IV” that was about music that could kill from a distance, and I thank you for reminding me of that song.
This is a great concept. I like your phrasing in several passages. I know this piece asn’t meant for publication, but I hope you recycle some of the phrases (i.e., “Before he slid into their blood, though, he had to work his way under their skin”)
I like the idea of the “beautiful monster” who kills in a way that leaves his victims with a smile on their face, begging for more, not lnowing what hit them.
Can’t wait to read the book.
Weird! So he sings for them and they die? That’s so cool! You did a very good job characterizing Devin here.
The only thing I’d change is this line:
“with green eyes that put people in mind of a cat’s the way they tilted”
The grammar doesn’t make sense, it should say “with green eyes, which tilted in a way remniscent of a feline.”
or something.
By all means, keep at it. When this story/character is developed, i WILL pay the publisher’s price to read it all.
Even before I ran into the mystery at the end, I was intrigued by the character of Devin. I disliked him (not enough to turn away though) and was envious of him, all at once. And then when I discovered there’s something even darker to Devin…well that makes it even harder to turn away from him, doesn’ it?
I can think of almost nothing to quibble with here. From physical descriptions to tension-building to the aura of the stage, you’ve nailed it. Even grammar and spelling seem fine.
So hop to it. Can’t wait to read more.
Devin is an awkward character to begin with.
But after reading this through, I’m even more confused than what I was to begin with.
It’s like you skip entire parts and it just goes from one thing to the next without a transition. Like a broken movie or something.
I understand that this is not to be published or anything and that Devin will go on to be part of a full length novel, but I am just utterly confused.
Honestly, after reading this, I am not even sure I would actually want to read a full novel about him.
Not that he’s not interesting, it’s just this was confusing in general and the structure of this just leads me away from wanting to actually read more.
Simply, I was left very, very confused.
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