It more refers to the struggle of mankind with the idea that we may grow old and eventually die someday. I don’t know why, but I still have not come to grips with the whole “getting old” thing yet. As for the Sun metaphor, it simply stands for what it is meant to.. Our days on this earth and how much time we really have. I wanted to make a piece that stated that life was not a struggle but an eternal loop of ever-changing life.. We live to die, and when we die we become something else which in turn works to create something else in our stead. Thank you so much for your review, I now feel the urge to re-read my own story and study into it myself to possibly add another comment here. It’s been a long time since I’ve personally read this piece. :P. I do so love questions like this though, it really lets me know that the reader is taking the time to fully digest the piece. Thank you once again.
Short Story / The Rose
The wind blew lightly through the trees and stirred the pollen from the branches. Children played in the nearby sprinkler to stay cool in the hot midday summer sun, and rejoiced in the breeze that cooled the droplets of water that clung to their skin. It pulled a sun-dried petal from its stem and carried it gently in the breeze. The rose drooped on its perch, withering in its old age from the plant that had given it life. The Spring had been long, and had given the lightly scented red rose a long life, but now Summer was breathing heat into the air, and pulled the lasting life from its petals.
In the beginning, the rose bush had borne a tiny red bulb, strong and sturdy on a thick stem as it grew. Thick deep green leaves protected the tiny red petals from wind and storm, like a mother’s arms protecting her child. As it grew, the stem stayed strong and warned others from touching its child by displaying its sharp, red pointed thorns. Its petals opened and outstretched to the heavens, giving thanks to it for giving it nourishment. All living things took note of its splendor, and would bend toward it to smell its fragrant scent.
But now its cycle was at an end. Life was over for the bloom, and it now wilted and drooped on the once strong stem. The petals that once thanked the sun, now found the sun painful, as they withered and turned brown in the heat. The wind that once proved its strength, now showed its frailty as it slowly plucked its petals one at a time in the slight breeze. The flower hung its head in sadness, as it knew time was almost over for it. It had lost its purpose as age claimed it. It knew that there was nothing that could bring back the strength it had once possessed, and accepted its fate.
It took in its last breath as a hand claimed its thorny perch, and clipped it from its loving family. It carefully held the remaining petals in place by resting the bloom in its palm. Alas. The time had come. But as it thought it was the end, the caring hand carefully plucked its dried petals and placed them in a bowl amongst an array of other dried petals. The green glazed glass reminded it of home, and these petals were placed away from the wind, but still in the warming sun by a nearby window. The sun was not threatening, instead it was calming and soothing. The rose petals released their scent in happiness, as it found its life was not over, but rather beginning a new. The young woman bent down to take in the scent of the petals, and smiled.
If we make use of our life and live it to its fullest, it never ends. Even when our bodies perish, if memories live on in others of us, then we are still alive in the memories of those who love us.
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Nice flash fiction with a good lesson. The metaphors for the rose mirroring a person’s life were well done. I didn’t find any major grammar errors. There were a couple of sentences that could have been trimmed a little to make this tighter but all in all a good read.
Noticed this:
-rather beginning a new
‘anew’
I think this piece stands on its own and doesn’t need the lesson told to the reader at the end. By that point it is infered.
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Well this was very well written and the images you cast are strong and fragrant. Well done. It’s too bad this is such a short piece as I would like to see this drawing parallels in a life somewhere, so it’s not just a metaphor but a metaphor with a real connection to a human life. If you do I think you’ve the ability to paint an amazing picture for all of us. Thanks for sharing this piece. Good luck.
October 01, 2006
Deleted User
this is a really good poem and a rose is such a good thing to compare lives to. I like how the rose lived a great life, then when it started to die it thought its life was over, only to figure out it had found a new life in a bowl sending its nice smell for everyone to enjoy. And, instead of the sun hurting it like it did before, it now felt good and soothing. I just really loved this. BRAVO! : ).
this was a uplifting story, written great. good job
I was just curious,I think I might know what the Rose is referring to,it sort of reminds me of a flower girl,but who exactly was the sun refferring to,was it referring to the god of life and death?I have not yet found any spelling errors,but I might check later.Could you explain what you meen by the rose though,because I gathered it to be
referring to a young woman,so i have to be sure.
this is a beautiful piece! a dying rose, what a great metaphor for life!!! and soo beautifully written!! you have real descriptive talent!!
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