Young Adult / Me, On growing up
I remember when my mum got pregnant with Corey I thought to myself I hope it’s a girl, I hope it’s a girl so I can play doll house with her and not have to worry about her wanting to throw worms, insects and other creepy crawly stuff in my hair or pick on me like Jonnie used to do. I mean gosh it must be written in the older sibling’s law book that all older brothers & sisters must torture and humiliate us younger siblings although I can’t comment on the treatment of sisters because as you know I don’t have any but I am pretty certain that they go by the same rules and regulations.
Well after all that wishing and hoping to get me a new baby sister throughout the long and torturous nine month’s of my mum’s pregnancy not just because I was anxiously awaiting the new arrival but because of my mums’ terrible cravings. Whenever I was in the house she was always asking me to make her some weird concoction which usually smelt really bad.
During her pregnancy she craved pickles she had to have everything pickled, but I suppose my dad had it worse least we didn’t have to get up at 3am in the morning to go and get her ice cream which made me glad to be a child because at one point Dad was walking round the house like a zombie I couldn’t help wondering why he put himself through that again; but then again I would if it was to have a child like me don’t know about Jonnie though.
Man it seemed like I had been waiting for years I would hate to know how mum felt and wow, to be doing it for the third time she must be crazy or just plain stupid; mum I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why she would put herself through that again. Well I guess if I get a baby sister I’ll be happy and maybe I would see with my mum a little bit, I just really don’t think I can deal with another knuckle head brother.
When that faithful day came all I remember is my mum screaming at my dad “ooooh the baby’s coming, the babies coming, you better get your aaarrssse ready, ooh ooh ooh ooh she pants breath she tells herself aloud, I can’t believe I going through this for the third time I must be mad” okay that’s confirmed it; she is crazy. Dad starts rushing Jonnie and I into the car and yes mum is still screaming bloody murder, ‘gosh I never heard her talk like that before but I am so excited that I don’t care’.
We reach St Thomas’ hospital in what seems like seconds, upon arrival at the main reception we are greeted by Nurse Green the only reason I know this is I read her name tag pinned on her uniform. We are taken to the nearest cubicle in the maternity ward “your midwife will be with you shortly” with that she leaves. The next people we see are the midwife and the doctor. The doctor proceeds to introduce himself “Hi I’m Dr Carter your doctor for today; mum shouts I don’t care who you are just get this baby out of me.
Jonnie and I are taken to the relative’s waiting room where we instantly notice a TV in the corner of the room surrounded by chairs that would generally be found in a doctor’s surgery but then again I suppose we are in a hospital. I shudder as I remember the experiences at the Doctors which would usually involve injections something I really hated so much so that I could have my immunisation jabs at school because I would make myself so nervous that I have a panic attack.
Dad comes in for a second and hands us both some money to get something from the hospital canteen and tell us to behave ourselves and the turn round and rushes back to mum who is still screaming.
Next time I saw mum, she had the baby in her arms she looked relieved but so exhausted as if she had just ran a marathon; no wonder she was screaming it must have terrible I don’t even want to imagine what it was like. Maybe I try and find out later when I ready for the gory details, right now I way to squeamish to find out. Mum had to stay at in hospital for next days I think they called in recovery time. When visiting time was over at 8pm we were asked to leave so Mum could get some rest.
As you guessed all my wishing didn’t amount to anything I think I’ve lost my powers because I got another knuckle head brother but man was he cute I looked at Jonnie and then at the baby and thought naah Jonnie could never have looked that nice, could he?
It felt weird not having mum around the house, dad did try he best to fill the void but quite frankly his cooking skills left a lot to be desired it was not bad but just was not mum’s I guess I am just biased.
Before I knew it mum and the new baby now named Corey came home, he was just so cute I couldn’t leave him alone not even for a second, mum had to say “okay now Casey can I have my baby now” obviously I did as I was told but reluctantly and had a face on me like I smelt something bad, which would quickly disappear when Corey was once again in my arms. Sometimes mum wouldn’t mind the break as she was exhausted and in need of a break. I expect she was relieved that I didn’t feel any resentment to the new baby as I was the baby of the family.
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Hi There
Not bad your word play is quite good and it keeps ticking steadily along. The story keeps you interested. The only critism I would offer, would be your punctuation. When starting dialogue “You need a capital letter at the beggining” said I. And dont forget to close the last word with ” As you didn’t after the Doctor had introduced himself. And the other thing that I picked up on was; ’ injections something I really hated so much so that I could have my immunisation jabs at school because I would make myself so nervous that I have a panic attack’ Read the previous sentence I think you’ve used I instead of I’m. That’s all, keep reading, reading and more reading and re-read the work you post before submitting. Don’t be disheartened keep going!
Gav
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Without meaning to be patronising, I found this piece kind of charming, like I was listening to a story recounted by a young girl, possibly in her pre-teens? How old is the duaghter speaking?
At first, I thought that the lack of grammar – such as full stops and commas – was a bit odd, but, somehow, it made the account authentic, because, when you talk to children, they often don’t pause at the ‘right times’ or speak ‘accurately’.
I’d like to see where this is going…keep it up!
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It seems to me like your sentances all run together. The plot is good, but it is not really clear. It would probably be easier to judge if it was not just a snip it of the novel.
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I think you have the potential for a great story. However, you are all over the place, and it’s really hard to follow with all of the jumping around, lack of punctuation, and changing back and forth from past to present tense. You also leave some things hanging, like ‘after all that wishing and hoping to get me a new baby sister throughout the long and torturous nine month’s of my mum’s pregnancy’ – you never say what happens after, you just switch over to your mother’s cravings. As I said, there is potential for an interesting story, but you need to have more organization.
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