Hmmm, I’m Canadian and so slip into British/Canadian spelling from time to time. I have my spell checker said to US English, since I want to have this published in the US (bigger market), but both my spell checker and google seem to like both spellings, so I don’t know…
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Non-fiction / The Travel Clinic
“Travel can be a powerful force in changing our world into one where there is more understanding and less problems.”
- scribbled on a washroom wall at a hostel
“Only man with small penis pees in cubicle.”
- also scribbled on the wall
CHAPTER 1: THE TRAVEL CLINIC
If you go to Africa, it will change you forever.
A stranger at a dinner party once imprinted these words on me. He told tales of bribery, corruption, travel in broken down buses, and guns everywhere. It sounded like a wild and dangerous place. When he said, “Go there, man.” I swore I would.
One day.
But years later, when I told people I was going backpacking, alone, in Africa, the response was always the same.
“Africa? Why on earth would you want to go there?”
Some thought I was brave, but most thought I was foolish. A few thought I was crazy.
In the past, backpackers headed to Europe, Australia, or Southeast Asia, although nowadays they go pretty much anywhere. Anywhere but Africa. And with good reason: public transportation is usually uncomfortable, inconvenient, and unpredictable; sometimes unavailable; and often dangerous. One has to be prepared for the possibility of becoming stranded, separated from one’s possessions, or worse. And you can’t just hop on a jet and fly there. Well, I suppose you could, but you probably wouldn’t come back. The potential health risks are enough to scare away the most hardened traveler and include everything from simple diarrhea to several potentially fatal diseases, many of which have no vaccine. Multiple immunizations are required and some countries will not allow entry without proof of vaccination. That’s why I visited The Travel Clinic.
“Fill this out.” The receptionist thrust a clipboard at me. Without raising her eyes, she flicked me away with her hand. “Have a seat over there.”
The form, several pages long, asked about my medical history and my family’s medical history. It also asked me to list every country I planned to visit, what accommodation I would be using (from bush camping to 5-star hotel) and if I would be visiting rural areas.
“Hmmm,” the doctor said when she later scanned my list, “uh-hmmm, hmmm, oh! Mm-hmmm.” She finished with a loud “hmmph!” and looked up at me with raised eyebrows. “That’s a lot of countries.”
“Uh-hmmm,” I said. I wasn’t sure I would visit all of them, or any of them even, aside from South Africa where I planned to start, but I was considering traveling all the way to Egypt, so had listed every country in between, just to be safe. I had no idea where I might end up. I was going backpacking. I wasn’t going on an organized tour. I was going to make it up as I went along. That’s what backpackers do.
It didn’t surprise me most people visited Africa on pre-arranged “safaris” or organized tours, but I wasn’t interested in that type of trip, despite the dire warnings from my travel agent. An organized tour would make me a tourist. I wanted to be a “traveler,” as backpackers like to call themselves. Although the distinction is sometimes blurry, I believed there was a difference. Tourists see a place. Travelers meet it. Tourists are clean. Travelers get dirty. Tourists expect security, comfort, and service. Travelers expect little and often forego their comforts. Tourists have little time, but large budgets. Travelers have a lot of time, but small budgets. Tourists travel on package tours or arrange everything from home before they leave. Travelers fly air-only and arrange little in advance. Tourists visit. Travelers, well, travel.
In truth, I wasn’t a traveler. I’d hardly been anywhere. This was to be my first backpacker trip. I always said I would backpack around the world, and yet somehow my twenties had slipped away. So I left my teaching position, said goodbye to family and friends, and stowed everything I deemed of any value in a storage container. Then I bought a ticket to Johannesburg. I had a friend in Johannesburg. It seemed a good place to start.
“Hmmm.” The doctor shook her head. “You’re going to need a lot of needles.”
“Needles?” I gulped. Needles were the reason I avoided doctors.
“Yes, hmmm, let’s see.” The doctor began scribbling on a yellow card. “You’ll need a Yellow Fever vaccination. You’ll have to come back for that, we only do them on Wednesdays.”
“Yellow Fever?” That didn’t sound good. “There’s a pill for that, right?”
“No, I’m afraid it’s a needle, and you’ll also need a polio, diphtheria and tetanus booster. I can give you those today. We’ll also have to vaccinate you against meningitis and hepatitis, both A and B. Those require multiple shots, so we’ll have to schedule a series of follow up visits.”
“You’ll give me pills for those?”
“No, I’m afraid those require needles too. Unfortunately, there’s no vaccine for C, D, E or W, so you’ll just have to hope for the best. And we’d better vaccinate you against Japanese encephalitis, Chinese chowmein, and purple plague as well, just in case.”
Actually, I’d lost track of what she was saying, from about when she said, “You’re going to need a lot of needles.”
“And while we’re at it we might as well give you a flu shot.” She dotted her pen on the card with an air of finality.
“Um, just how many needles will that be?”
“Well, let’s see…” She began silently counting. My eyes grew wider with every count. “Shouldn’t be more than a couple,” she said.
I sighed. I could endure a couple.
“…dozen.”
I gulped, “Couldn’t you give me the vaccines some other way?”
She looked amused. “What other way?”
“I don’t know. How about with a hypo-spray like they have in Star Trek?”
“I’m afraid I’m all out of hypo-sprays.” She smiled at me. “But I do have some lovely needles. How about a nice red one?”
I just pouted.
“I’ll also have to prescribe you an anti-malarial prophylactic.” She handed me a fact sheet that described the effectiveness and possible side effects of each drug. “I recommend either doxycycline or mefloquine, which is more commonly known by its brand name, Lariam.”
“A propha – what?” That didn’t sound good at all.
“It’s just a pill. Lariam is considered more effective, but it has more side effects.”
I sighed. Finally a pill. Side effects didn’t scare me.
“Doxycycline’s main side effect is photosensitivity. Lariam’s possible side effects include headaches, nausea, dizziness, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, vivid dreams, hair loss – ”
“I’ll take the doxy… thing,” I said with a sudden interest in side effects. I didn’t need to hear the rest of the list, which I later learned included seizures, depression, and psychosis. Lariam’s side effects have become the stuff of urban legend. Stories abound about people going mad, running down streets naked, freaking out on airplanes, or jumping out of hotel room windows. I even heard conspiracy theories—like it was secretly developed by the US military for reasons unknown (it was developed by the Walter Reed Army Institute of Medical Research in the US to protect the Peace Corps volunteers). I was told no one is really sure how Lariam works (which is somewhat true) and no long-term tests have been done on the drug (which is not so true, Lariam is one of the most extensively evaluated drugs in history and the most widely prescribed malaria prophylactic in the world). She wrote me a prescription for doxycycline and another for an antibiotic for diarrhea. Then she handed me an armload of brochures with various titles like, “Bon Voyage But… Information for the Traveler” and “Son of Scam: How to avoid being Robbed, Beaten, Imprisoned, Sentenced to Death, and other Travel Nuisances.”
“Just so you’re aware.” She turned to me, armed with the needle. My eyes fixated on the piercing steel shaft. “Your visit is covered by your medical insurance, but not the vaccinations.”
“And how much will the vaccines cost?”
She placed a sheet of paper in front of me itemizing the cost of each vaccine. “It shouldn’t come to more than five hundred – ”
“Dollars!”
It was an effective distraction. I hardly noticed the cold chill of the steel entering my body. Only the faintest “mommy” escaped my lips.
“That was just the alcohol swab,” she said. “Are you ready?”
Bravely, I squeezed my eyes shut. “Ready.”
Several jabs later, in each arm – I felt like a human pincushion – she walked me outside to the waiting room and instructed me to wait ten minutes before leaving, just to make sure I didn’t have any “adverse reactions” to the vaccines. She didn’t specify what adverse reactions I might have. Clearly, she preferred to allow my imagination to supply the images of bubbling skin, festering growths, and crippling deformities.
“Help yourself.” She pointed to a basket of lollypops.
I plopped a lollypop into my mouth and sat down rubbing my bandaged arms. I shuddered to think how many more jabs I would have to endure.
“Enjoy your trip,” she said with a smile. She began to walk away, then stopped and turned to me.
“I was just curious? Africa? Why on earth would you want to go there?”
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Caroline24 reviewed Version 1 -
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This is certainly well written, but full of details that may only interest other travelers to Africa. I would rather read more colourful details, which I’m sure are forthcoming. I recommend you pick out a more scintillating bit to submit to an agent/publisher. Travel pieces sell and pay extremely well in magazines, so I also recommend you submit excerpts. This will also add to your credibility as you pursue an agent/publisher for a book deal.
The tourist vs. traveler bit was long. And what do you mean by: “Travelers fly air-only…”?
“It didn’t surprise me most people…” would be better with “that” added after “me.”
“Then I bought a ticket to Johannesburg…” “I had a friend in Johannesburg…” How about combine this with “where I had a friend…” since you have three very short sentences in a row.
Other than that, very competent writing. Best of luck.
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WritingMommy reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you did a great job! I am reading this while at work…shhh! I lost myself in the story and forgot to work, or rather was doing so very slowly. Good for you…bad for me. I think this is well written and I really enjoy the humor you used. I am not usually interested in reading about stuff like this, but you captured my attention. Bravo!
My only question is…is it lollypop or lollipop? Or does it depend on where you live?
Hx reviewed Version 1 -
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Very enjoyable! And quite a bit different from the average travelogue (or this section was, at any rate). It’s humorous and informative all at the same time.
Just noticed a couple things that might need a bit of adjusting…’broken down buses’ includes a compound modifier which should be hyphenated: “broken-down buses.” Also, when you swore that you’d go to Africa – one day, “one day” doesn’t really work as its own paragraph. I understand you did that to build a little suspense but I think you’d do fine if you let it stand as its own sentence: “I swore I would. One day.” As its own paragraph it seems like you’re starting a new train of thought, which was momentarily confusing.
Nonetheless, great piece. Thanks for sharing it, and keep it up.
easywriter57 reviewed Version 1 -
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One day isn’t a sentence. It needs to be joined with the one before it. Same with “Anywhere but Africa” You need to take the sentence fragments and make them part of a complete sentence.
Line 22: “It didn’t surprise me (that) most people….”
A window into the travelers’ nightmare! What about AIDS? Never mentioned that! Wear a chastity belt because there isn’t a vaccine for that!
One brave soul, is all I can say and it really lets the reader know where NOT to go on vacation. Great Read!
jen52 reviewed Version 1 -
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Quite attention-holding! And that’s just the trip to the travel clinic! I can’t wait to read about the trip to Africa!
You’ve obviously paid great attention to everything here. The spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. are perfect as far as I can tell. The tone is great too. I enjoy your narrative voice here. It reminds me of Bill Bryson a little bit.
I like the quotations from the bathroom stall that begin the story. And I like your definitions of traveler and tourist. I am glad you’ve written this and look forward to reading more!
beejay reviewed Version 1 -
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“Africa? Why on earth would you want to go there?”
nice voice. didn’t come off like a person whom is now an expert on africa; just because they have been there. you know the type of people.
it was funny. smart. great flow and pause.
rather enjoyed it.
would absolutely read on further.
JeanJefferies reviewed Version 1 -
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I think you write perfect, and your story is entertaining. is this meant to be the first part of what followed when you arrived in africa, as I think judging on how well this was written and how insane africa is on every level possible, that it would be an interesting book to read, as me as friend let me know if it makes it
fireballems reviewed Version 1 -
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this is really good. Nice narritive story telling. I love the begining.
and the end brings it all toghther. With all that trouible, and the pills for yellow fever and stuff. The last line really fits with all that.
and i like how you talk about other places you wanted to go to also.
I like it. really, very good.
xcheck24 reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like your piece so far and really want to read more!
I feel like some of the stuff in the beginning, though, gets in the way of the interesting part—your visit to the travel clinic. It’s all important information, though. It’s not a major issue with me. I just think the part about the travelers clinic is more interesting.
I really like your paragraph about the differences between a tourist and a traveler. As someone who has posed as both, I can see that. And as a writer, I’d rather see than be told.
And once we get into the bit about the travelers clinic, I don’t see anything I’d change. You captured how you were nervous well. You didn’t say “I’m nervous.” You didn’s say “I’m scared.” You showed us you were those things. And that’s important.
I know you’re looking for ways to improve this, but I like it a lot. I want to read more. There may be a few commas, semicolons or other punctuation I’d change, but the content? and the way it’s written? I wouldn’t change much. It flows well. It makes me laugh. And as I said, it makes me want to read more.
Gustible reviewed Version 2 -
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Being an African, I can’t but find the typification of Africa as a place “no one even considers going to ” a bit off-putting – it is a rather large, multi-faceted continent (as I am sure you know by now)... I do not mean this as a rant, but just an opportunity to point something out – you may one day have readers from Africa, when this is published.
You write well, and grammar/spelling cannot be faulted.
I found that the intermittent description of the vaccination process made my attention wander a bit, although initially it was funny.
“And we should discuss sex.” – this did not appeal to me at all. I thought the joke a bit strained, and unfunny – but this could depend on the tone you are intending to use in the rest of the book.
Good writing, and good luck.
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