Poetry / Black Buggy

At first it sounded like you were admiring the Amish for the dedication to living a simple life unitl you said “Education” was something they swore off. And I agree.

I visited teh Pennsylvania Dutch often when I was a kid b/c my grandmother was obsessed with going on the tour day trips. I remember thinking it was interesting then as a young girl, but now I just think they are crazy.

I like the use of quotes in your poem to justify your thoughts.

I like the sentiment expressed in this poem – I’m not sure that it works, though.

I like the images and juxtapositioning of the listed elements that are given up for God with the allowances they make – ie no zippers but Levi’s button fly jeans. They are different yet oh so much the same.

That was a very nice way to tie the parts of the poem together.

It just feels weak to me. It feels like you’re trying to get at the heart of hypocracy in the situation: they give these things up, use them (in modified form) anyway and then perpetuate ignorance. I think that the penultimate line” Keep your children ignorant …” is a bit heavy handed. Can you find another way to do that.

I think this poem would be far stronger if you were to employ sound devices to help you establish some sort of rhythm which compliments what you are trying to say. It would move the pacing of the poem along.

This is a great beginning point though. Hope to see more. Thanks for sharing your talents!