Thanks for the review and comments. I used that stanza to describe the actions and imagery…going along with the metaphors….thanks for the review. Glad you loved this poem a lot.
Poetry / Again
Under this beautiful,
Towering,
Willow tree,
Leaves faintly falling,
Fleeting,
Whispers,
Branches brushing against,
My shoulders,
A gentle embrace,
So soft are…
Your eyes,
I find,
My gateway,
To your soul,
I have the only key,
Guiding me to unlock,
Your puzzle…
I find myself staring,
At you.
My smooth,
Child-like fingers,
Anxious and finicky,
Reaches out,
To gently trace,
Your lips,
Back,
To mine.
Underneath the beauty,
Of nature’s wonder,
The cotton clouds,
Scurry above us,
Attempting to amalgamate,
With the blue hues of heaven’s portrait,
As if to hide,
They don’t want to distract,
Us,
From…
Your lips which,
Find themselves exploring,
And imploring,
To hide in and around,
My mountains,
Hidden underneath,
My…
Shirt,
Smells of you,
A new unforgettable,
Concoction,
Infusing itself,
Into my skin,
Burning into my flesh,
Like the small roses,
Which my lips,
Tattooed,
Onto the crook of,
Your…
Neck,
Is where I find your Cupid’s passions,
As you travel,
Tenderly down,
My undercuts,
You are a true trailblazer,
An archer,
Affectionately,
Thrusting,
Your arrows into my hidden,
Cave,
Hitting the mark every time,
Opens my…
Legs,
Moving with you,
Like ocean waves,
In unison,
We become one,
An explosion of excitement,
This tidal wave,
Throws me ashore,
Back and forth,
Rhythmic,
Surging attraction,
Immersed together,
Under this beautiful,
Towering,
Willow tree,
Leaves faintly falling,
Fleeting,
Whispers,
Branches brushing against,
My shoulders,
A gentle embrace,
So soft are…
Your eyes,
I find,
My gateway,
To your soul,
I have the only key,
Guiding me to unlock,
Your puzzle…
I find myself staring,
Back
At you,
Again.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
January 17, 2007
Deleted User
Review of Version 2 -
Read 100%% of the Item
This is the second poem i have read of yours. You have a way with words. As if i could close my eyes, and an image is drawn behind my eyes as the words pry into my ears. It is amazing that if we open our minds just enough we can find poetry that paints beautiful pictures. You do that so well. And the great thing is that its flow is not in a rhyme scheme per say, yet its in the way it is written, if that makes any sense. This is beautiful and passionate…you enveloped the passion of love in this so well. It was shy, eager, enduring, wanting, and ectasy, and then it was calming and relaxed…like almost as if you exhaled. I don’t know what else to say, i liked this a lot, and i wouldn’t change a thing. Great Write.
- add/view comments (1)
jadedshade reviewed Version 2 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I really loved this poem a lot. I read it over three times and I’ve barely come up with any good critique besides things I’d change out of personal stylistic preferences.
I don’t like this stanza:
Neck,
Is where I find your Cupid’s passions,
As you travel,
Tenderly down,
My undercuts,
You are a true trailblazer,
An archer,
Affectionately,
Thrusting,
Your arrows into my hidden,
Cave,
Hitting the mark every time,
Opens my…
I don’t like the part about the hidden cave. It seems kind of forced to me, more than I’d like it to be. However, I like the usage of archery and the allusion of Cupid. Very nice. Hope you get published.
Kels66 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I especially like the part you repeated. It makes me remember me and my girlfriend. I hold the only key to her heart and vice versa. It is kinda cool how every verse ended with the word that would start the next verse. It reminded me of something i heard on a movie except it was like patty cake in a way. You did a good hob setting it up and illstrating what you were saying. It made a lot of sense. Keep up the good work.
freeverse1786 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Once again you did not disappoint with this one. It is very written and your vocabulary is great. I enjoy reading your entries because your poems inspire me to step my game up.
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
2 Reviews 2 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
Versions
| Version 2 |
| Version 1 |