I thought the end does give quite a whopper of a moral. Bat can’t take sides because he is only interested in himself and winning. When he is caught in his duplicity, he is banished.
Children's / Folktale (1): Why Bat has no friends
_“Does anyone know why Bat has no friends?”
“No”
“Well, then let me tell you a story.”_
++++++++++++
A long time ago, there was a terrible battle between the animals of the land and the animals of the air. I don’t know why the animals were at war, but they were.
Now Bat was a very proud animal and did not like to lose. He looked at the battle and saw there were far more birds than mammals. They could swoop down to attack the mammals and then fly away out of harm’s way before the mammals could attack back.
“Surely the birds are going to win.” Bat thought to himself. “I should join their side,”
So he flew up to their camp. As he came near the camp, some birds swooped toward him, ready to attack. Quickly, Bat flapped his wings in a big display and said:
“Look! Look! I have wings just like you. Do not attack me for I wish to join your side.”
The birds circled Bat for a minute and lead him back to their camp. All the birds huddled around, twittering, cawing and squawking to each other. Finally they agreed that Bat could fight with them.
That day, the birds flew as an army with the sun at their backs. As they swooped down on the mammals, the sun’s bright light was blinding. Tearing talons and flapping wings tore into furry bodies. Then they flew away, having won the battle.
After winning the battle, the birds and Bat returned to their camp. And Bat was pleased with the choice he had made.
“What is wonderful choice I’ve made,” he said proudly to himself. “We are sure to win.”
But the mammals were not easy to defeat. Even though there were few of them, they had sharp teeth and claws. Also many of them were larger than the birds.
One day, Bat awoke to a very windy day. Even though many of the birds wanted to stay at the camp, the Chiefs called for the attack to go on. The wind made it hard for the birds to control their attacks. Before long, it was clear that the mammal’s had won the battle. They retreated back to their camp.
With the wind came rain so the birds could not attack the mammals. But the mammals were not affected by the wind and rain. They saw an advantage and headed to the birds’ camp. With lightning flashing, the mammals attacked the them. Tearing claws and sharp teeth tore into the feathered bodies.
The mammals were winning. Bat, hid in a bush, fearing for his life. After the mammals left, Bat looked out from the bush. The birds had lost the battle again. As it grew dark, Bat wondered if he had made a good decision.
“Surely the mammals are going to win,” he thought. “Maybe I should join their side.”
Under the shadow of the night, Bat flew to the camp of the mammals. At the edge of the camp, some mammals were standing guard. As Bat flew to the ground, the mammals saw him.
“What are you doing here?” roared Cougar as he raised his paw.
“Wait!” Bat said quickly. “I am one of you!”
“You cannot fool us,” Bear growled. “You are a bird.”
Bat opened his mouth wide, to show his pointy teeth. “Look, I have teeth in my mouth. Just like you. And I do not have a beak like a bird.”
“But you have wings like a bird,” Raccoon snarled.
Bat flipped his wings. “Look at my wings. Do you see feathers?”
This made the mammals think. So they brought Bat into their camp to discuss his offer. And they did agree Bat belonged on their side.
The next day, the sky was clear and the winds gentle. The birds were organized, the battle fierce. They pecked at the eyes of the mammals and ripped at their fur. And as before, they flew away before they could be touched.
Seeing the mammals losing, Bat regretted his decision. So that evening, he snuck away from the mammal’s camp and quietly flew up in the sky, to join the victorious birds celebrating.
“I saw you with the mammals,” Crow cawed when he saw Bat joining them.
“You are mistaken,” Bat answered quickly. “I was fighting them.”
Crow and the other birds were not too sure. Bat flapped his wings and said:
“I’m one of you. Why would I fight with the mammals?”
And so it went for many days. When the birds won a battle, Bat would flap his wings and be with them. When the mammals won a battle, Bat would bare his teeth and be with them.
As it is with any war, the animals grew tired of the fighting. The Chiefs of the birds agreed to meet with the Chiefs of the mammals. They agreed to meet in a clearing deep in the forest.
So around the clearing, stood all the mammals and above in the trees the birds were perched. In the center, Eagle met with Bear. All the animals were exhausted by the fighting, so it did not take long for the Chiefs to reach a truce.
But while they were talking, Eagle and Bear began to talk about Bat. And they realized how Bat kept changing sides.
“It doesn’t seem fair that he just switched sides whenever he pleased,” squawked Eagle.
“No, no! Not fair at all,” Bear growled. “Bat has wings but he did not stay with the birds.”
“And he has teeth but did not always help the mammals,” Eagle added.
“Then whose side is he on?” Bear wondered.
“Let us ask him.”
Both Bear and Eagle called out for Bat to join them. Bat had stayed away from both the mammals and the birds, not knowing which side to take. He sat alone on a bush.
When he heard Bear and Eagle called, he was afraid. He knew the mammals and the birds would find out about his deceit if peace came. But his pride was strong and he believed he could talk his way out of the problem. Carefully he flew to Bear and Eagle.
“But you are all my friends, both bird and mammal,” Bat tried to explain.
Bear growled as Bat said this. “Friends should always help each other.”
“And not pretend to be one thing when they are another.” Eagle cawed.
“But you are at war. You want me to choose between friends?”
“Bat has wings, but he is not a bird.” Bear said to Eagle.
“He has teeth but he is not a mammal.” Eagle added.
Bat did not know what to say, for the Chiefs were ignoring him. For a minute, Eagle and Bear glanced at each other.
“Because you could not choose your friends during war, you will not have them during peace,” Bear pronounced.
Eagle nodded. “You will from now on be alone, Bat. You will never have a friend among the animals that fly or from those that walk!”
“And from this time forward,” Bear rumbled, “you will only fly at night when everyone else is sleeping.”
All the creatures at the clearing nodded in agreement. And that is why Bat always flies at night and does not have any friends.
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bbandsissy reviewed Version 1 -
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joshysbutterfly reviewed Version 1 -
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NunieWeb reviewed Version 1 -
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first of all, I liked the story. I am Native American and heard a version of this tale, along with many others.
I think you told the story well, however I can’t help but wonder how you plan to incorporate the Native American aspect.
for example, do you start the story, “Does anyone know why Bat has no friends?”
“No”
“Well, then let me tell you a story about bat that was passed down from the Native Americans (a specific Tribe).”
or
A long time ago, the (name a specific Tribe) witnessed a terrible battle between the animals of the land and the animals of the air. They don’t know why the animals were at war, but they were.
By incorporating a Tribe or Tribe’s, name it would add a lot to the “Elder” telling the tale.
If I can be of any further assistance, I will be glad to help.
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out_of_words reviewed Version 1 -
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I like you concept of starting each story with the same “Do you know why…” question. That’s a great way to link a series together. You said that you were revamping Amerindian folklore for a younger generation to understand and I have to give kudos for that.
All in all the story flowed really well and even though I can’t bring to mind the original folklore, this version was easy to follow and seems suitable for kids.
There are a few minor typo errors such as:
“With lightning flashing, the mammals attacked THE THEM”
and
“When he heard Bear and Eagle CALLED”
just change those and this piece looks great!
tritim07 reviewed Version 1 -
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I don’t know why the animals were at war, but they were.
- I would make something up here. Children don’t like unexplained things hence the stage of “Why? Why? Why?”
“What is wonderful choice I’ve made,” he
- “What a wonderful choice I’ve made,”
flashing, the mammals attacked the them. Tearing
- Delete the
When he heard Bear and Eagle called, he was afraid
- call
I have some experience with story-telling and folktales, so it brough back memories reading this piece. I am very pleased with the story, however the age group you have chosen is too high. Let’s face it, 14 year olds don’t care about these things, they care about cell phones and iPods. I can see you telling this story to 6-10 year olds in a school library, one class at a time.
Good luck.
pinestategal reviewed Version 1 -
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I liked this one better than the bufflo and the mouse. It is still a bit violent but no where near the extent that your other story was, good moral to the story. Keep Writing
Witchy_Child reviewed Version 1 -
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Cute story, but needs tweaking. It definitely has a Native Indian feel to it, so you’ve got the elements correct.
First, in the second paragraph of the story, you say “harm’s way before the mammals [attack back]” – this is awkward because of the rhyme between the two words, better change it to “fight”, to break rhyme and awkwardness.
Error: “What [is] wonderful choice I’ve made.” – should be [a]?
Overuse of the word “attack.”
In this line: “Before long, it was clear that the mammal[’s] had won the battle.” – take out apostrophe – should be plural.
I feel the repetitive description of the battles will confuse the reader.
I do like the arguments that the bat uses to convince both sides that he belongs with them…it’s educational for young readers as well.
This story feels suitable for children 10 years of age or younger – once the text is edited, shortened..I don’t think it’ll capture the attention of 10-14 year olds.
Thank you for the read!
splitmam reviewed Version 1 -
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Very good story. I think it’s a bit too graphic for ten year old’s but very appropriate for the 12-14 age group. You bring clarity and good imaging to this story. There are a couple minor grammar changed you could make. Otherwise, very good and pretty finished, I believe!
OrangeRolls reviewed Version 1 -
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I do like this and if it hasn’t been done already, i think it’s a great pitch. I don’t know anything about you or your friend or where you are from, but i would be really careful if you are adapting folklore, that you consult with the right people to get the stories right, and ask for permission to use the stories so that you don’t offend anyone. You may have already done this. I was got a little bit confused with the terms you used – you started off by using animals of the air and animals of the land, but then changed to mammals and birds – i think a child might get a bit confused by this. I think you could around this by sticking with land and air creatures and then when the animals start discussing there differences you could leave it at “Bat has teeth, but he’s not like us” or something like that. Then it becomes a sort of mystery that the child reader has to work out for themselves. Otherwise i think this works really well and i think you have something going on here. I think you could also pitch it at a younger age group – probably 5-11 – i don’t think adolescents would be too into this.
serenitylace reviewed Version 1 -
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I really think you have done well with this. my only thought is usually the Amerindian tales were parables, which means they had a moral at the end. I think you have room at the end for the moral. I really enjoyed the story though. it is told in a traditional style.
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