Poetry / Streams of Green

oh a haiku!

i don’t follow the “green stream” image. i know what summertime traffic is. i know what hot sun is.

three images in a haiku make them look “cluttered”. its best to stick with two.

summertime traffic—-
a shiny river of steel
flows toward the sea

would be my take. also, it looks like you are counting syllables. even when you are, it shouldn’t be apparent.

do a haiku search and see how(and why) most contemporary english haiku have abandoned the 575 thing. most are less than 17 sylls. i suggest jane reichold haiku site and simply haiku’s online ezine.

I may not know much about traffic, considering I can’t drive, but I do like it. It does say what I know about traffic.

there are no green streams when you a are driving, unless youfr car is leaking carborator fluid.  If that is the case BRILLIANT

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July 18, 2005

by felicitology

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
38	84.6% (13 votes)	39.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	F	NY, NY	August 03

Indeed!  The car that I had and sold before I moved to NYC leaked coolant all the time…especially on hot summer days when I was stuck in traffic.

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I was a little confused with this piece, the actual significance of the streams – I don’t understand it.  

I swear I already reviewed this one, but anyway, I’m giving it a 10.0 because I think it’s the perfect haiku: each line addresses respectively what lies beneath, above, and at eye/surface-level.  It’s a complete, flawless, clean haiku -- with no vowels added gratuitously as space-fillers or anything -- and should be used as an example in textbooks worldwide.

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July 08, 2005

by LaLaGirl

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52	90.0% (20 votes)	29.6%

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38	F	Bunnell, FL	January 03

Ah, streams of green from below…traffic…I see it now. That is what is so sujective about these reviews is that I have not had that problem, so it was not in my expereince, but now is so obvious. I agree with bessjankowski, it is a classic.

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I like it, but I don’t totally get it. What is the “green stream from below’? I thought perhaps grass, but then what do you mean by “traffic”? A little too vague, but nice.

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July 08, 2005

by felicitology

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
38	84.6% (13 votes)	39.8%

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26	F	NY, NY	August 03

Sitting in traffic.  A stream of green coming from below.  It relates to a common problem my car had before I sold it.

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The prospect of a green stream is somewhat disturbing.  Is this a stream of people?  A grass path?

I can’t tell.

Glad to see one that doesn’t rhyme. What is the green stream you speak of?

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July 01, 2005

by felicitology

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
38	84.6% (13 votes)	39.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
26	F	NY, NY	August 03

I’ll see if anyone else can figure it out.  I will let you know, though.

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