i’ll figure it out
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / A life of solitude.
I live by two simple rules. One: Breathe in and out to get through the day. Two: Happiness is the key to life. If all whose around you is happy then you have achieved the greatest thing a man can achieve. My problem is the happiness part. I may have to change that second rule. Making people happy is the worst thing that I have ever done. I am trying my hardest to keep everyone happy that I forget about myself completly. I am just that crazy guy with the bad luck to me. I will give up my legs to make someone happy and probably literally too. My emotions are behind a steal wall that may leak from time to time, but in the end my emotions are locked behind that steal door. What happens when you put too much air into a baloon? I just hope that does not happen to me. Instead of me blowing up into a million pieces; I will explode with so much anger. I am afraid that I will beat the living shit out of the next guy that glances at me, and I will not be able to get up off of him. People would have to hold me down, and even then they would have to tazer me. I grew up in a “man’s” house. A place where the weak cave in and die after five years of it. The strong make it out and freeze in time. Their emotions die down and their faces turn dry. I can’t blame my father, because it is not his fault. His father was the same way, and his father was also. My family goes down long generations of the “manly smell”. In the end, I am the weak guy that did not make it. I am still weak, but I hide it behind my strength. I hide it behind everything that I am made of and I am scared of what will happen if it all comes out. I don’t even remember what it is like to cry. All I know is what I see on T.V. I am scared.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
dark_angel_826 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Wow! I am glad that you have had the courage to say these things here. I have known many guys like you, and the best advice I can give you is to channel it. Learn to play guitar, take boxing, anything to get it out of you and turn it into expressed energy. You are 17 which makes you almost an adult. As an adult you have the ability to choose how to live your life. It is not easy to change your ways, or be different from your parents, but in the end when you can look back and see that you are your own, self-made man, it will be worth it. Good luck, and keep writing.
- add/view comments (0)
fallenangel4294 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
You’ve done everything to make me happy, but i can’t seem to make you happy…i figured that out as well…you can’t make yourself happy, and it blows the chance of me ever doing it…
alterego reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Very honest and powerful. So here is the thing – you are not as hardened as you believe yourself to be if you can write this way. And you are not the weak one in your home. The weak conform and do what they are not otherwise programmed to do out of fear. You have not conformed. You have been true to yourself even though it has not been easy. And you cannot take blame from your father and say it is not his fault. You have lived through the same experience, and have chosen a more honest path. You need a constructive place to unleash your rage. You need time to learn what other gifts you harbor inside yourself. You need to allow yourself the chance to grow by finding what brings joy to you and pursuing whatever it is. You write well. You feel strongly. You are able to communicate. You are strong. You are honest. And if you are not already, you will be free.
Write again any time, for you have friends and support here.
untoldstory reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Hey kidwitprops….your words express a lot of deep emotions…feelings of resentment towards yourself for having to constantly cater to other’s needs, making sure they’re happy. We can all say that we’ve done that in one point of our lives. Your needs and happiness is just as important as everyone else’s. I always say to others and myself…if you don’t take care of yourself, then who will? Before you can take care of others, you have to take care of yourself first. Also once, you have completely realized your worth, the value you are and what you have to offer others and are not only happy about all those things..but CONTENT and happy about who you are…then the process of working towards catering to yourself becomes much easier. Difficult situations always have a way of teaching us life lessons, because they show us who we are and who we are not. From your writing, it sounds like you’ve done some deep self reflection on your life….and that’s a good thing, I think we should all take the time to re-evaluate ourselves…that’s the only way we can overcome our weaknesses, trials and tribulations. Know that finding happiness in others, does not give us complete happiness, instead it becomes a substitute, a superficial form of happiness (that’s just my own opinion). Don’t let yourself be dependent upon other’s giving you happiness…we all have that capability and will within ourselves. I always say that the best revenge is success…however you define success in your life…success does not necessarily mean material things…it can also mean achieving enlightenment of your true self…the core of who you are…and that’s the greatest lesson I think we all learn in life…a personal journey that is always exciting for me. Good luck..and that you for sharing such honesty and depth in your personal journal/blog.
untoldstory
Nikloi reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
i know exactly how you feel. but now is the time to take care of yourself and think of your own personal happiness. dont sacrifice anymore. surround yourself with people that are loving, kind, and caring. not just happy. someone on valium is happy even though they are numb to the world. be positive and visualize the life you want. dont dwell on what isnt or whats wrong. focus on what have to be grateful for and you wish to achieve
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
5 Reviews 3 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
