Thanks for the review and nice comments. Yes, the metaphors and imagery of passions were in reference to someone I refer to as Brazil. ”The object of affection..seems very snake-like..,” yes…I also did that intentionally…to go along with the tempting and passionate theme. You got it..thank you. Thanks for the review and I’m glad you liked this piece.
Poetry / Take Me Back to Brazil
Subtleties in your casualties,
Slithering next to me you wonder…
Tempting me…
Alluring me…
To this place I call Brazil,
He beckons for me,
To join him.
His glaring,
Staring,
Sweltering eyes,
Melts, into my soul.
My emotional remnants
Mixes nervously
Anxiously,
Passionately with him.
He can’t stop staring,
At me.
Gentle flowing whispers,
Like soft billowy clouds are
His touch.
I feel him, I feel his….
Slips, drips,
Slides down…
down…
down…
My limbs like molten fiery lava,
Seethin into my skin.
Tattooed,
Engrained in memory banks
Locked, like a pencil tight corsette
I don’t have to breathe.
I felt ecstasy,
Renewed
Rejuvenation.
Don’t care what passers-by say here,
Green-eyed passers-by wish for this,
Indelible,
Incredible,
Mistake in Brazil.
I disagree….
No mistake here,
Joined together for this one time,
Insatiable
Transient experience.
Take me,
Back
to
Brazil.
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carljp reviewed Version 1 -
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This i feel is a slightly off-beat poem, it displays the image of lust really well and creates a general atmosphere. I’m guessing that when you mention Brazil, you are implying that it is a person not a country, or you are personifying the country itself.
Thus it is a fairly good poem, i’d like to read more.
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Tejayes reviewed Version 1 -
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Nice! I love how you made the metaphors of passion seem very Brazilian, or at least tropical. The object of affection here seems very snake-like, which is awesome and fitting. I don’t see that too often anymore—at least not in my opinion. Good job!
myninjacockle reviewed Version 1 -
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i like the first line, and the last 4, but overall, i’m sorry, i didn’t enjoy this.
i felt it was cliched: ‘limbs like molten fiery lava’
indulgently esoteric: ‘pencil tight corsette’.
it had grammatical errors: should be ‘mix’ or ‘mixed’ nervously in line 13. (not that they matter overly much, but just so you know)
and finally, the play with the alignment seems to serve no purpose.
it is not badly written, it just didn’t engage me.
Genesis reviewed Version 1 -
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This has to be one of my favorite pieces by you…I felt I was the one being taken over by Brazil…“I feel him, I feel his….Slips, drips, Slides down…down…down…” The way you express yourself so clearly and romantecly is exceptional…not everyone can do that…you got game Girl!!!!!
November 22, 2006
Deleted User
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i especially liked the lines, “locked like a pencil tight corsette and subtleties in your casualties” i also love how descriptive you were, creating vivid images that put me right there where you wanted me. it was a little hard for me to read at first and i had to read it a few times to gather the whole picture up. after reading ‘Adonis’ and then reading this i couldn’t help but piece the two together. this lead me to question my first impression of ‘Adonis’ and i had to evaluate my conceptions. i wonder which one came first? i think it would be cool if you could post them together.
crazyblonde reviewed Version 1 -
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i loved this writing it was great it had amazing imagery. it made me feel like i was in the moment
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