Poetry / "DISSOLUTION" (Analysis)

Some poems are deliberately ambiguous, if they’re not just loose for lack of skill. Written well, they leave space between meanings to maneuver. Many readers resent the responsibility to interpret. We exist in a Burger King social climate. Sometimes the style itself suggests uncertainty on the author’s part as to what they’re compelled to convey. The better examples become processed through the personal experience of each reader, so change quality, texture and shape. Their essence is elusive, so mysterious, enticing. Carried like a torch mind to mind, their tone is immortal.

This poem is like Dolmen stones, that do not change yet are no less mysterious for their essential permanence, and remain etched on the collective subconscious as they were likely thrust forth out of plain. This version of immortality is much more difficult to draft. Something about bringing the sea into play recalls a watery collective beginning also.

Well wrought.

Initially I felt that although sweet and thoughtful, it lacked power and creativity, however after reading again I noticed the deadly silence and peace in this poem. The fact that the spouse is dead and the one living is pretty much dead in spirit due to ehr loss. The voice therefore monotone and dry but just like a snake it quietly creeps upon you, bites, and the sting of the poison begins to consume you. This is clever, poignant, sad and familiar to many.

I liked your diction, it’s awesome. The poem is very touching and striking, I don’t find many mistakes but it could be a little bit smaller.

I enjoyed this one in the beginning. It started out very captivating, and your diction was amazing. The imagery was there in full force throughout, and words like “swoosh” and “tick, tick, tick”, had a very powerful effect on me.
But halfway through I found myself dosing in and out of the poem. Maybe it was just too long. This piece didn’t grab my attention, and hold it there, leaving me beg for more. It held on tight, and slowly slipped away.
In my opinion, the beginning was strong, as was the ending. But the middle could use a little work in keeping the reader captivated and interested in what you have to say, because I do believe that the message behind this poem is very strong.

i really love the way you write.  each paragraph tells its own bit and it makes for interesting reading.  its deep and it touches the heart. well done

This piece has a storyteller’s quality to it for each paragraph has profoundness and complexity to it on its own, not alike the chapters within a person’s life. As a whole, similar themes weaves themselves throughout the poem, giving the piece continuity. It almost seems to follow the rythems of life and death itself with it’s abstract comparisons to time being a clock. I can feel the length of each jounary from passage to passage. I love how you differentuate the ” how it was” to ” how it is” by writing about two enviroments. The lake being of happier times where you can almost sense his precsence there waiting to emerge because the residue of your love for each other is so strong that it replays itself past the moments in which it occurs.Is the “The heartbeat in the seashell myth” his ear in which you wisphered all your dreams and hopes, where most of them had taken place in that happier place to forever echo?  And the mountains the climb of your lifes together, until his passing?  Where you

And draw upon the red rock
The charcoal outline
Of where our bodies had been

Because it felt as if you’ve died along with him as well, and all you have are rediments of him ” the driftwood” and memories of a better time and place. So you outline the two of you with these rediments to let the world be able to acknowledge the existence of the two of you.

My favorite line was all but this one verse.

Like a Chinese merchant
Sitting with folded legs
Clinging to his abacus

It just didn’t seem to go with the overall themes of the rest of the poem. Considering my favorite lines are all the rest though, I think it makes for a good balance:)

The title of this poem seems to undermine the whole life sensed in this.  It is reminescent of the book the Giving Tree, the life of the boy and a tree and the giving and taking in a lifetime.  This is nicely done with simple imagery consistant and I like the references to time and clever in some lines: day they changed the clocks, bare bone, broken wrist. The one that stood out was the seashell reference cuz I thought you were at a lake and running to the shore does take away from the mountainy feel and freedom it offers.  I also love the end and how things come full circle, but also in death, lots of implications, beginning of time and cave drawings, outline of death (ie homicides), overall together again.

This is my absolute favorite piece! It is a nice compliment to “Delayed Sorrow”.
From what I can tell your loss was very great and the depth of your suffering and pain is no stranger to your pen. You could not have possible written this better, this needs to be published!
I will read this over & over.

Beautiful!

It leaves me thinking. Thats a good thing. Good piece. I enjoyed it.

I love when people write from the heart.This is when you know a true writer.I thought you put a lot of energy into this writing,but most of all you made it your own.