Journalism / unspoken dependancy

Its not a bad read. Its easy to see where you are going and made clear by the title. Leaving up to the reader is a good thing most of the time (except when you get those not so smart ones that only say, “I don’t get it”). With each sentence you try to make the reader think you are talking about one thing, then you take them another way with the next line. Consider making this bigger. Expand on it. Focus on a few lines, take the reader by the hand and lead them 5 feet from figuring it out, then switch it. You do this, but it still a little empty. You leave it to open. Your first line sums up everything you said in the entire piece, make the reader work. You have a great start, good luck!

Interesting piece – I think you’re going more for the ‘feature’ side of journalism, and as such it needs to be much longer and have additional factual information.  As an intro – very good.  I’d add stuff about dependancy, co-dependancy etc.

Language is good – some lovely phrases in there.

Improvements:
echos = echoes
“shatters your world etc” is a cliche and best avoided – clearly you can come up with more original wording!

I can’t look at previous reviews until I write my own review. That aside this is pretty well written. I’m a little unsure but I think you’re talking about addiction, if that’s true this is pretty good. Short though, and doesn’t seem to have too much of a purpose. I think you could lengthen this and turn it into something.

Well guess what it’s not….....Something I’m going to waste your credits on. My only question is what is “it” a drug, writing, booze, sex What?

I found this extremely vague.  While I’m sure that was the intention, I think adding something at the end that explains what “it” is, would have improved the piece.  Otherwise, even without knowing what “it” is, I think it was well-written.

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February 28, 2007

by Chago

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Your insane, DO THE LEG WORK YOURSELF. Does everything have to be spelled out for you. “It” is something different to all readers. Reader carry baggage into each piece.

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Okay, i’m not going to tell you this is not journalism, because feature writing is just this. Back in College I was the feature Editor for a few semesters, and this is what i expected from my reporters. So doo going. i would however within the body of the tex, include it is dependency. Other than that, i think it is perfect.
Dawn

What is it that you are referring to?  Is it the central point of gravity in your life, meaning yourself?  Or is it more spiritual than that because it doesn’t seem like it.  So then what is the “It” here?  

Really nice piece. Short, philosophical and makes you think a little deeper about your own life.

However I would say cut it up into more paragraphs so it’s easier to digest for the reader. Also expand on it, because I’d love to see your deeper insights into the subject matter.

Otherwise its great, and I’d look forward to reviewing a revised editon.

But just to piss you off, its not journalism.. :P

8/10

This is not journalism.   It would probably belong in the journal entries category.

That said, there’s a profound, almost matter-of-fact despair about it.  It’s practically a poem.  You should take a stab at making it a poem.  It’s almost lovely enough right now to be one.

Think through the contradictions in it and make sure they’re supporting what you want it to say.  When you say “it will always be your own” and then follow that by “until it’s gone,” you’ve negated you’re always.  You have to clear up that cognitive dissonance for the reader.  Or not.  But if not, be deliberate about it.

Nice little write.

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November 10, 2006

by ae

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Oops:

“you’re always”

I meant “your ‘always’.”

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