Poetry / Art

Fantastic expressions--“I rip it out of my veins…” “money on fire…” ”...the page is a piece of magic wax…”--beautiful, imaginative imagery! And the perfect ending: “This thing and I are for sale.” I see no problems with this piece. Absolutely loved it.

it was to the point, and not so surfaced, kind of had to think about it for a while. kind of get the feeling of a tormented soul wiht the battle of himself, loved it

must be painting on velvet. but, really, the art must be in the poem itself, and you’ve kind of tacked this one together out of left over readings?

writerblood
..
out of my veins pours word. vicious blood,
angry at me. out of my mouth i say the line—
does it look like blood?

on the page a trail of red,
atom sticking to word,
word to heart.

can i give you my gardenia? red
blossom; pale writer.

I like this poem. I like especially the visual nature of “I rip it out of my veins/like money on fire.” However, I think the second similie seems a little forced, and the word “magic” doesn’t really feel to me like it has a place in the poem. Aside from that, though, I loved it.

I don’t get the wax reference

interesting use of line breaks. I don’t understand the “money on fire” image. maybe it’s the use of “rip”...money on fire…don’t you usually try to wave it frantically and put the fire out?

seems like an odd simile.

I like the last line though…I see why you are trying to work the money image…but something else…some other sort of currency I think would be more effective.

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October 19, 2006

by peacemeal

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
56	94.4% (18 votes)	32.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	F	Bellingham, WA	June 01

read above comments for explanation of money simile

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i think you’ve portrayed the creating of a poem here. i wouldn’t change anything about it because i feel it says how you feel. however, i misunderstand the relation to like money on fire/burnt money. but, then again possibly just me. i love ‘break my line, break it again’. also the very first line is my favorite.

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October 19, 2006

by peacemeal

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
56	94.4% (18 votes)	32.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
23	F	Bellingham, WA	June 01

well I used the simile money on fire because I think of money burning as something that needs to be urgently dealt with.  It needs to come out of my veins like money on fire needs to be put out.  Then the simile of the page being magic wax that restores burnt money as a sort of solution to the riddle.  They are not meant to be easily accessable or understandable similes.  Thanks for your review and appreciation.

October 19, 2006

by penalove

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
135	72.7% (22 votes)	45.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
35	M	Hobgood, NC	June 10

yes, now that makes sense. i actually do love this poem. if i could rate it over now i would give it a 10. :-)

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