Lyrics / FIVE

This made me smile a bit. I liked the “Wake up, it’s my dumbass calling again line” that was pretty catchy.

On the other hand, using “dumbass” too much in a song might not get you in the top 40.(Although, if you read some of my stuff, I need to start following my own advice…)

I liked the “heart of myself” sequence. I’m assuming that it’s the bridge, it’s well written.

Flow of the song was OK, but needs just a little bit of work

If you work on it a little bit more, I bet that this song would be pretty good.

The one verse of it was really awesome. There wasn’t much else to look at besides the chorus repeated. I loved the lyrics, though. It shows how one can be so caught up in a feeling that they just have to act on it. I like your songwriting skills. I look forward to seeing more from you. Thanks for a great read. Hardcore Writer

This is a very fun song in my opinoin, the lyrics are good, and the song flows very well. I can hear you singing to this sing, by adding like a beat or something, this song plays as a fastpaced song, which i Like very much, Great song good job!

These were good lyrics. I wish I could hear the music that goes in the background. Do you have anything planned for it yet? If you add music to your lyrics I would love to hear them. I can’t wait to read more of your work.

It comes across as hopelessly juvenile, though the music itself might change that some.
Much of the content is very cliche and has been seen too often in lyrics, especially.

hi there,

i can understand being in love enough to want to call her, just to hear her voice but i don’t think there is enough there to make a good song in all honesty..(it maybe a part of a very nice long song, titled maybe..”the things love makes me do”..just my opinion..i hope i helped than hurt..good luck..

There were no special instructions, so I’m not sure if you wanted comments on mechanics. If so, I’d like to point out that there are several spelling and grammatical errors. I realize that some of them might be purposeful, but others are just cofusing. For example, “it my dumbass calling again.” (it’s would fit better here)and “so I just lisitin to..” (shouldn’t that be listen, or is that some sort of slang with which I am unfamiliar?) Once those things are corrected, I think it will make more sense. I like the chorus, “the heart of myself beating, the sound of my breathing, the noise in my ears ringing.”

If your trying to make this a love song then do something with these lines;
>wake up, it my dumbass calling again<
>being my dumbass again<
>it my dumbass calling again<
It just does not sound professional in the least bit.
Let along sounding like a love song.
Who would consider them self a dumbass when it comes to loving someone as much as the person in your song?
It just does not sound good to me, sorry.

-erica

this starts out very well, but then you start repeating things too much.  this needs another full verse, as original and distinct as the first. I really think what you’ve written so far is good, but you’re not finished.  keep working on it.
-TS

I could definatly picture hearing this on a country staition.