Thank you for your review! I’m always up for good feedback and the responses I have gotten so far on this piece, are a great encouragement not to give up writing. I would love to put music to this piece, but have not met anyone yet who could help me with that. I have an ear for music, but sadly cannot play. Maybe someday I will find a way to put this piece out there as an actual song, rather than just another lyric.
Lyrics / Depress-ed (dirty version)
I slit my wrists when I think about you
and I’m almost to the bone
it hurts so bad when I try to call you
but you won’t pick up the phone
if I hung myself
would you notice me then?
or does it take more to thrill you
hurt myself just for fun
so you’d fall into my arms again
all this blood flowing out of my veins
red like the heart that beats slower through the day
Chorus- As I drain myself dry
to get you out of me
and move on with my life
even if it means that I don’t breathe again
if it’s without you I can’t go on
so you can love me, or you can hate me
can you blame me?
the choice is yours
I’ve got an image on the brain
we were making love and you were insane
you put your hand over my eyes, gripped me and
gave me a big surprise
getting slipped between your thighs
a funny sensation still remains
instead of slitting my wrists to pass the time
I should be with you making you mine
I guess it don’t work that way
your heart is stone
and a bitch don’t fray
and..
Chorus- As I drain myself dry
to get you out of me
and move on with my life
even if it means that I don’t breathe again
if it’s without you I can’t go on
so you can love me, or you can hate me
can you blame me?
the choice is yours
As I drain myself dry
got to get you out of me
and move on with my life
even if it means that I don’t breathe again
if it’s without you I can’t go on
so you can love me, or you can hate me
can you blame me?
the choice is yours
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kittykatmanson reviewed Version 1 -
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izzy421096 reviewed Version 1 -
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this is great.there is a lot in these lyrics that i can relate to.i used to sef-mutilate and i’ve atempented suicide a couple of times.now i write about it as a type of therapy.
i hope that’s what this is.
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anji13 reviewed Version 1 -
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Some of the other reviews of this caution about the details of sex and self-mutilation but that is one of the reasons i like it.
too many people these days what to dilute everything. i like this piece for its honesty and power in the voice.
i love this line, “move on with my life
even if it means that I don’t breathe again”
are you going to put this to music or have you already? i can’t get it out of my head so i guess that’s a comliment to you.
i look foward to reading more of your writing. especially if its like this.
(reminds me of the music aaron lewis writes for the band staindanother honest writer)
thanks and good luck
~anji
Fenvy reviewed Version 1 -
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One of the best lyrics I’ve read so far. I love the comparison of the slit wrists to the spliting of the legs. Your imagery is very beautiful, especially in the first stanza. I felt as though the chorus dragged wih the second line, I think it would be more clear if you took the “got” out, then on the last time you sing the chorus, you can state it, “got”, in desparation. And for for me “don’t” should be “doesn’t”, it’s completely up to you. Geez man! Awesome job! =)
ilivetowrite reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this alot. The self-mutilation is somehow very real. It speaks to me. I love your description and the raw emotion you put into this. It was a good read. Thanks for sharing. :)
sm6dani reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this but I can see how it could be just abit too descriptive for alot of people. I really think if you change the part about slitting wrists, to make it hint that way, but less confronting then you will have a much broader audience. Apart from that, it’s really good.
JackiJinx reviewed Version 1 -
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This is some reaaal scary shit right there. Excellent, but still scary. Might I reccommend for easier reading to make breaks instead of adding in the backslashes (/)? It’s sooo much easier on the eyes and makes it easier to follow.
I feel I should say something about your warning. Thanks for the warning on the sex, but I was completely put off by the self-mutilation that dominates the piece. Perhaps a note of that as well? ^^;;
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