Poetry / Thinspun

it feels like a cylinder

(it being I)
with the child scooped out
and replaced by a light-
bulb, the three-way kind
but force fed into
a standard one-way
reverse threaded socket
that’s hanging instead
upside down from a thread
pulled up, ever up,
by centripetal force
so it’s swinging (I’m swinging)
we’re swinging, I guess,
which accounts for the mess
I’ve made of the blessing
it’s my turn to say
how thankful we are
for the food and the day
but I’ve left out the parts
about giblets and lungs
(was it eyeballs and hearts?)
they’re all scooped out, too,
and ground up
ever up
so it’s sausage, ok,
for supper, in omelets,
breakfast food? fine
when we dine
upside down
on a thread
with our feet when we eat
hanging over our heads
and I’m just
shaken up,
hollowed out
like a ball
coated with images, sounds and an
army of small, tinny samples of
tv show musical themes, business
cards, coffee stains,
mens’ magazines

I’d like to stop turning
I’d like to be filled

there’s a child
I remember
who was solid
chocolate.

Still.

I remember the wind on a cold, autumn day
I remember the moon on sea gone blue-grey
I remember the way that we kissed on the stairs
I remember the taste of sweat in your hair
I remember the simple rhymes read from a book
I remember the choice to dive
into something different
looking
for a broken thing to fix
or ringing bells to summon drinks
from serving girls in tight, short skirts

I remember wanting it to hurt

what is “hollow?”
but a memory of inside
now turned inside-out viewing
heart, lungs, eyes
now chucked, spun, dashed
flung outward, onward,
far far far beyond
beyond our sight beyond our sound
perhaps to crash
sputter silently
and melt into the dusty ground

what was in is out
what was here is gone
what was heart is lost
what was one
is spun

+ +

TaleWeaver the author’s storytelling, writing and creativity book/game, at www.lulu.com/awhavens

Blog is at www.TinkerX.com

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Reviews

October 13, 2006

dreemame

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	53.3% (15 votes)	17.1%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
39	F	Wilkes Barre, PA	September 13

dreemame reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

im sorry but i just did not understand what you were getting at

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October 12, 2006

Purunga263

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
147	73.7% (19 votes)	30.9%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
42	M	Saint Petersburg, FL	March 09

Purunga263 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Kinda of reminds me of the “The Hollow Chocolate Bunnies Of The Apocalypse”. Parts of this I found amusing…some were not so amusing. An interesting read.

The things I liked about this piece was the imagery. You hooked me beginning with “the child scooped out…”. Being an electrician by trade the imagery following that line was vivid. Very good job there. I also like the punctuation in this piece. Lately, either you see needless over-use of punctuation or total (or near total) lack of punctuation. You used the right amount of punctuation in the right places.

The only thing I did not like was the almost sudden, certainly unexpected, change in subject. Or at least the subject seemed to change to me. By themselves, great. But it was a mental change that threw me a bit.

Though it took me awhile to get use to the sentence structure (read it 4 times) I ended up liking the line breaks and spacing. Interesting.

All in all, this gets a high rating from me. It is poetry but even better, it’s interesting poetry.