Novel Treatments / Untitled for now
Untitled Part One
Mr. Barks just called and said he needs to see me in his office. He never calls me into his office. Jesus, please don’t let him fire me. I don’t think I could handle that. I might just swallow a thousand pills and wash it down with liquid drainer. I need this job. I have tons of bills to pay off, not to mention my student loans. I have pets to look after. And I’ve come to love my little desk. It’s smaller than everyone else’s, but I don’t mind. It has carvings from the previous owner. Carvings of what looks like a baboon and a rocket. Or is it a penis? A penis-rocket?
But anyway, I like those carvings. It gives the desk character! It’s like a home away from home. And I actually like my co-workers. I mean, how many people can say that? I like that kid who comes around and asks for our lunch orders. Oh no. What if he gets my desk and job? That little weasel better not! Oh God, I can’t handle this. I’m going to pass out.
Mr. Barks is calling my phone again. That means I have to face Satan himself. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever actually had a real meeting with Mr. Barks. I mean, yeah, when he hired me eight months ago, I met him. We shook hands. He offered me a mint. He told me that I had the job. That’s about it. This feels like the longest trip across the newsroom I’ve ever taken. Everyone is starting at me. They all must know. What’s Bob whispering to Shelly? He’s eyeing my desk, isn’t he? That son of a bitch.
Mr. Barks’ secretary is motioning for me to go in his office. Here I go. For this office being the doorway to Hell, you’d think that it would be a lot warmer in here. It’s oddly cold. A little too cold, for my liking. There he is. The pompous prince himself. Ah, his handshake is much more firm than the last time we shook hands. “Joel Blackman, it’s good to see you. How are?” Why is he grinning? He must take pleasure in axing his employees. Well of course he would, he is the devil, after all.
“I’m…I’m…doing…pretty…good…there. I mean, well. I meant to say well!” God, I’m pathetic. “Are you all right, Joel? You seem tense.” Tense, huh? I won’t let him get the best of me. I’ll show this guy what real men are made of! “I’m feeling pretty damn good.” Ooh, that sounded good. Like Bruce Willis. He’s never tense. “Well Joel, I’ve asked you in here because-” “Please don’t fire me! I’m a good writer! I promise! I know that lately my stories haven’t been up to par, exactly but give me a chance. I’ll wow the pants off you, I will!” Why did I have to mention his pants?
“Fire you? I wasn’t going to fire you. I asked you in here because I have an idea for a story that I want you to write. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but lately the number of homeless people has doubled downtown. We’ve done some small stories about the feuds that some of these people have been having but I want you to dive deeper than that. I want you to become one of them. See how they really live. See the world through their eyes. I’m thinking that this could be small series for our newspaper. So Joel, what do you think?” I think I might be having a heart attack. I’m still employed. I can’t believe this. I have this huge opportunity right in front of me. I’m thinking that, hell yeah I’ll take this on. “Wow. I’m so flattered that you decided to offer this to me. But why didn’t you give this to a more seasoned journalist, like Kent Moore or Judy Duff?” Why am I not jumping at this, already? “Well, Kent and Judy are great journalists but they have their niche here at the tribune. I wanted someone fresh, who would dive in and give everyone a new outlook. But, if you don’t want it I could always offer it to another employee.” “No! I want it! Believe me, I definitely want this. I won’t let you down, Mr. Barks.”
I’m floating. I’m floating above my body, above the entire newsroom. This is amazing. I’m going to be writing a human interest series. This could make my career. I want to yell around the newsroom that I’m going to write the best story that the tribune has ever printed! Olivia is coming over to my desk. I’m so excited, I have to tell her. “Olivia, guess what Mr. Barks just offered me? He offered for me to write a series on the homeless people downtown! I’m going to dive underneath the rags and holes of it all and come out with a fresh look! Isn’t this great?”
“Congratulations Joel! I’m so happy for you. This is an amazing opportunity. We should celebrate. Let’s get a drink after work, okay?” A drink. Yes, that might calm me down a bit. I’m feeling pretty wired. “A drink sounds great.” I feel…electric. I could light the entire room right now, if it needed it, that’s how jazzed I am. Oh jeez, it’s already six o’clock? Man, times flies when you’re in a great mood!
Olivia and I are now walking down Bellman Ave. heading for Rory’s Pub. I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind the bar and I have the goofiest look on my face. No matter, though. Olivia and I seem to be really clicking tonight. She’s sitting close enough to smell her sexy perfume. Is she flirting with me? Oh yeah, she’s definitely flirting with me. She’s whispering something in my ear. Did I hear her right? Did she say that we should take this somewhere more private? This day couldn’t get any better.
Ooh, it’s gotten colder now outside. I’m going to give her my sweater to wear. I’m such a gentlemen. “Ugh, what’s that stench? Jesus, it smells like someone died out here!” My voice is echoing throughout the entire street. Someone’s touching my shoulder. What the hell? “Pardon me sir, but could you spare a quarter? I just need one quarter for the phone. Please, sir.” Who is this bum? He’s in rags. Literal rags. He smells like death warmed over. His teeth are like candy corn, yellow and brittle.
“Why the hell should I give you a quarter? You know what? I will give you a quarter, but not for the phone. Use it buy a clue. Maybe if you would go out and get a job you wouldn’t have to beg money off people on the street!” God, I can’t stand people like him. Good, he’s leaving now. God, I thought I was going to puke all over the pavement. “What the hell is your problem, Joel? He just asked you for a quarter. A measly quarter. You could have easily kept your big mouth shut and given it to him, but no. You had to berate him like he was a naughty child. You might want to rethink that human interest series. Maybe Mr. Barks should rethink it.” Olivia is now halfway down the street, apologizing to the homeless man. She’s handing him money. She still has my sweater.
She’s right. I’m awful. I’m an awful, terrible human being. How am I going to be able to write a truthful article about being a homeless man if I can’t even give a quarter away to one?
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This piece has humor and great description to it feel apart of it. I felt like Joel a few times passing homeless people on the street I wanted to say something like that. but didn’t Joel should use the opportunity to get into the shoies of a homeless person would make a good story Thats just an idea good going so far.
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