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Poetry / A Moment Alone
Gone you are in flesh,
But here you are with me.
All I need is just one moment,
Alone just you and me.
There you are again,
I see you everyday.
How can this be,
You’re a million miles away?
I wish to see your face,
That is what I seek.
Just one more glance now,
Into your eyes I will see.
In this empty room I sit,
Alone without you.
I need to see you once again,
So I pull the portrait out of you.
-Christopher Cross
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This i think most people can relate to on a certain level of missing someone.when you said you pulled out a portrait of the person it makes me think of course someone who you cant be with at the moment.this poem is great
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The loneliness comes through very well. My only real comments are that the last line of the first stanza almost seems redundant, and the very last line would read better if it were:
‘So I pull out the portrait of you’
It just sounds wrong to me the other way
You said you believed that rhyme is important in a poem. Sure you did rhyme but I think you did it in a cheap way. There are many, many other words you could have used to spice it up a bit. I liked the messege of need that you gave off though. But I think you rushed to finish it too fast.
it had a waltz feel. i liked it.
i totally agree with your little intro blurb…about how it doesnt matter if it rhymes or not, it’s all about the rhythm and flow…and putting your heart into it. Very well done on this one. Is there a real story behind this?
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