Poetry / Strip

Hmmmmmmm, interesting.

I like the way you had a little bit of fun with the parentheses and whatnot, which was awesome.

I also really love the way you list all the things about nakedness. It’s being vulnerable, unable to hide behind anything. It speaks the truth, which I like.

I think at some points it’s a little abstract, so I’d try to clear it up a little. But it’s also about you and how you feel about the subject, so it’s not necessary to change it. I love it!

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September 30, 2006

by Drake_Lightle

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40	M	Independence, MO	September 02

Emotional vulnerability is a little abstract, isn’t it?  I think that’s one of the things that made this verse strong.  It gives it a universal fit…which too much detail, too great an understanding of the word choices, might make it difficult for others not entirely familair with the dialogue to find a point of access to the piece.  I think it’s pretty damn close to perfect in composition, if not also substance.

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For all the obvious reasons, “strip”, “winnie the pooh”, you know I love this poem, it speaks to me in ways it can’t to others.

We never really know if it’s begun, if it’s done, when it’s going to come, but it does…

...i’ve been naked many times…this emperor wears no clothes most of the time…
...it’s come and gone, sometime exposing true ugliness, sometimes true beauty…always truth…

...i suspect it i’m watching someone strip for me again…and when i see her strip for me, lay it all out there despite fear of rejection and judgment and the am-i-too-fat, am-i-too-skinny, am-i-not-perfect fears i see real beauty…even in the flaws, the scars, the tattoos of the soul, because those aren’t flaws at all, those are beauty marks…it’s not the glittered lotions, the lipstick, the acrylic high-heeled monkey shoes…it’s not smoky rooms or dazing confusion of too-loud music and too many shots of booze…it’s all happening in the light of day, streaking through a trailer park of screaming souls and monkeys at keyboards, trying to evolve into humans…and finding nakedness is a beautiful thing.

What I like most about this poem, other than how it speaks to me, is the free form of it all…the stream of conscious, collective conscience reference, the jumping from stone to stone to cross a river to reach the other side.  It’s beautiful like that.

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September 24, 2006

by Drake_Lightle

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Stone to stone or jump in and try to beat the current…but jumping in usually leads to getting unnecessarily wet, and maybe even drowning.  I appreciated the allusion to “Pooh’s a drunk and Eeyore shoots junk”...wish I’d seen your review on that one.

September 23, 2006

by andyhavens

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Thanks, Drake. Yeah… this piece and “Lipstick” have some stuff in common. I’m fascinated but what we show, what we keep, what we lie about, what we tell the truth about in order to hide.

Stone to stone to cross the river… it’s really the only way to get there, eh?

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Is this about stripping or nudity? Sort of a confusing poem to me. Perhaps it’s about getting laid? I don’t think it’s so obvious nudity begins with the end, what does that mean? You spelled linen wrong. You don’t need the line had had after the Big Fall. What does stinky refer to? And somewhen… someone(s?) You take great liberties but it begins to read like nonsense verse, if i may be so blunt, not meaning to offend but I can’t make heads or tails out it, yet.

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September 23, 2006

by andyhavens

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43	M	Columbus, OH	June 18

WillowWren: thanks for the comments. I fixed the spelling on “linen”—good catch.

On the surface level, it’s about nudity, which requires stripping, which often leads to sex, sure. When I say that nudity begins with the end, I mean that when we’re nude, all of us are the same; the end is identical for all of us—buck naked, going at it. But the paths to get to that place can start in a million million different places and take a billion different turns. So the end is the beginning, in that the nudity (the sex, the stripping) is the goal, which is what we’ve set upon in our minds first. How we get there? That’s tricky and special for all of us.

“Stinky” refers to the fourth kiss. The three before it were moving someone (or two…) towards nudity but the fourth was stinky. Not so nice. And so nudity scurried away.

The nonsensical nature of the piece is entirely intentional. If we don’t know when and where the timeline and path to nudity/sex with a partner begins… it can start with anything: bowling, Winnie the Pooh, Tuesday, coffee, etc. So trying to make the connection is… ludicrous. Anything we do might lead to a naked asignation with another. We just don’t know.

But we hope, perhaps. We plan; thus the last three lines.

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This piece is intiguing.I did’nt know where it was going, but it took me to the end.
It did’nt ryhme much, but I dont think rhyme was the intention
Interesting work.

welder

This was really interesting. The words you put together were strange and compelling. I didn’t expect it to be the way it was from reading the title, and I really like the formatting of how you write. Excellent piece.

I like your message here. The form of short short lines and long stanzas really fit. Like including Adam and Eve but what does the big fall had had mean?
Love the joy joy sky jump. Not sure how winnie the pooh fits unless you are referring to innocence. Which really fits.
You might think about including the three lines about bowling into the same stanza.