Poetry / Rallentando

Damn, you imprisoned a rose in an icey prison.  I see you looking at a love that you cannot touch.  Your language is earth shattering, “The darkness
that lies at your lips calls to me,” it’s great how you are able to see and express the hidden things in the mundane.

This is really striking. It really takes you into the moment, and the first phrase really grabs the attention, it slightly reminds me of Shakespears “dark woman” sonnet. At the same time it has a very romantic, knight in shining armor quality. I think many of us modern women are looking for someone who will take us away from the madness of the modern world

This poem has not only a surface story, but one buried within. I think that’s what makes poetry not good, but excellent.

The visible rhythm…isn’t that “going with the crowd”? So you tell Miranda to leave the crowd and whatever it’s doing. The crowd is made up of the people who can’t hear what music is truly about (the music that is about something), and they don’t take time to really see things.

Could the darkness be forbidden love? Or is it death? It sounds more like forbidden love to me.

When Miranda is awake, she holds you (the narrator) at arm’s length, if that close. But I get the sense that she really does love him, but won’t let herself get too close.

And yet, you keep an eye on her, watch her through her days, even her nights, as long as she lives.

At the end, you bid her keep her eyes closed, and tell her that you will “watch/and pretend.” Are you telling her, finally, to stay with the crowd of insensitive people, as long as she thinks she’s happy, even though you yearn for her to be yours?

I really enjoyed this poem…it reminds me of a few relatinships I’ve had (and a couple I still have), although most of mine are from Miranda’s point of view, if I understand that correctly (and I think I do).

Beautiful flow, it naturally slows. Your feelings come through strong and painfully. I am only stuck a little on your days make me cold, but really, nothing interrupted this for me, and I arrived at the end slow and still and sad. Very nice.