Haiku/Senryu / Backporch Swing

Good adherence to structure. Attempts traditional haiku feel but further detail can be squeezed into second line. ‘A’ and ‘and’ are taking up valuable syllables for such a conscientious form.

vivid. I have been on that very same swing.  I can hear it.

5/7/5 with very little filler.  good work.

L1 perfect
L2 “a” in filler, but hard to avoid with this arrangement
L3 no “aha” moment, but does wrap this up.

The seasonal reference is subtle, but that chorus isn’t there in winter.

This is an easy haiku to understand.  The choice of words is simple, but the image is clear.  The transition from evening to dawn implies that the chorus lasted the entire night, which it may well have done.  If you can avoid ‘a’ and ‘and’ in L2 you get a couple of syllables back, but I appreciate that’s not always possible.  The only part I have a problem with is L3 and ‘fades with dawn’.  I think ‘into’ would work better than ‘with’, because ‘with’ makes it sound like dawn is also fading.  I think a little tweaking would make this even better.  Nice work so far.

well written

Hello. :)
     This is cute, but is “evening” a two syllable word? So many raised brows with this type of writing… “is it or isn’t it a haiku?”
     Anyway, this is nice. It reminds me of the long nights and early mornings of my childhood years in northern New York. :) sigh --iamfromtheplanetribnog--