Thanks :-)
Poetry / Eviction
I want to step right out of this skin
that I am in.
Shed the person
I no longer want to be.
Just drop her on the side of the street
along with the day’s trash.
But, she is so much a part of me;
our fibers blended,
her soul intertwined
with mine.
This seething angry mess of a girl
who wears my skin and speaks with my voice.
She moves my limbs and uses my brain.
If only, if only I could get her to leave.
She is all that is wrong.
She is the root of my evil.
There when I awaken in the morning,
full of hate and rage.
She is the arms distance from my children
The wall between my lover and myself.
Stubborn and unwilling.
Hateful and hurting.
She holds onto the memories,
relives the pain, day after day after day,
never letting the wounds heal.
She keeps me silent in the back
unable to step into the light.
This seething angry mess of a girl
who wears my skin and speaks with my voice,
I am serving you an eviction notice.
You are no longer welcome here.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
July 29, 2006
Deleted User
Review of Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
There is nothing I don’t like about this and so mucht that I do.
She is all that is wrong.
She is the root of my evil. – Love thise lines!!!
Knowing that something keeps you at a distance from people, knowing that there is a problem…..powerfully serving that eviction notice in writing as you have done here, good job
- add/view comments (0)
Isabella reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I love the way you express yourself. I like how you wrote “this seething angry mess of a girl who wears my skin and speaks with my voice.” Good description.
Sam6920043440 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Oh this is awesome! I really like how you use the word eviction to kinda explain how you are getting rid of a part of you you don’t want or like. I love how you are like saying it is entwined with you. I think it is such a strong word and it really gets the hint across for how hard it would be!
Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I’m old, can’t speak for ‘def poetry!’ :) But I like this poem of dissociation, or split selves, the one who harbors all the pain and messes up, if only she could be gotten rid of. Well she can with some work. I like the way you’ve handled this, and enjoyed reading. We all have moments where we hate ourselves or what we do, I think yours goes a little deeper, but bravo to you for having the courage to put it out there.
TheStormofWar reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
As a spoken word piece, your style fits very well here, in my opinion. You have some very strong lines. I love the slight repetition in here with the “This seething angry mess of a girl” line. It’s appropriate.
Oddly, there is some lyric potential here. When I reading this, I found a slight melody going through my mind. That’s probably just me, however.
A suggestion would be, if you were looking for possible publication, is perhaps explore stanzas with this. Simply a thought.
Nice job.
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
5 Reviews 4 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
