Poetry / He will come...

I love your word usage here “Now look at you and him
And look at the third
Right there,
Faithful to the lie.
For still you cry:
“He will come back,
For so I will it.
I hunger for his pain!”

I love the ending to this. The poem was pretty sad but kept me wanting to read more. I enjoyed it.

I really liked the premise of this poem. Being a fan of the poetry formed more through raw emotion then literary genius, this offers a certain depth that I cannot help but enjoy. At times, it became slightly unclear to me as to whether or not the narrator was intended to be the same character (ie. Yes, he will come back to you. -And when he does, I will cry) or one of the set.

Gruesome. I imagined blood and a heart ripped out of a chest. This poem has a lot of feeling. The victim is always crying for the return of the pain. Are the top lines the end result (a slow death) or did the victim survive that and continue to want more? I really feel the helplessness of having a friend in an unhealthy relationship, I’ve been there.

I liked the way you used your words in this piece. They were deep and honest and you do a good job at bringing the reader into the scene. It’s always nice to feel something that’s being read, rather than just ‘reading’ it.
Great job!

Eh, this seems to fall under the general ‘emo’ category of poetry, where all those negative thoughts come out and manifest themselves into an orgy of self depravement and negativity.  This piece has better word choice and a great flow, but the topic comes around to bite you.  While it may feel good to have your feelings out on paper, rarely do they warrant literary acceptance.  If you prefer the former, keep on going, you know how to feel emotional.  If the latter, start focusing somewhere else.

Aw, the poem of the middle man. Trying to tell someone that the one she loves is not right for her – that usually does not end up well. The girl will usually go back to what attracts her – no matter if that attraction is a good one or not.
I feel the passion in this. Some of the lines were awkward because it seems that some lines rhyme, or flow a certain way, then it gets… choppy, maybe.  But the language, the imagery, is excellent. The first stanza is excellent, love that description. This shows a lot of promise and it is one I could read again. I liked it.

This is strong and cuts right to the point. From what I can tell this is written to a friend of yours who was, (or is in an abusive relationship. All I havbe to say is that women aren’t the only folks who get in them. I always found my self getting back with a violent ex. This poem talks about the reasons why people do such terrible things to themselves.
“Come back to me
For still I feel
The warmth of life on my face!”
The way this person feels was how I felt, when I would decide to answer my ex’s phone call. Powerful and simple, the two things I lerened to be as a journalist. But as a friend of someone who always gets back together with the monster, it seems that all we can do is watch…and wait.

Imaginery. I tried to follow the action and look threw the words. The second and first person transitions are difficult to following. It is as if you are talking about yourself one moment and for someone else the next.

i think you have really great material to work with here, but you need to tighten it to heighten it’s effectiveness.  Show, don’t tell.  Try to avoid cliche descriptions.  I’d really like to see this idea revised, I think it has a lot of great potential.