Poetry / Oh, were we there.

very nice, cute even.

Cute! I enjoyed reading this. It flowed nicely and it had a nice rhythm. Nice work! :)

You are 15?  You have a real future in poetry and writing if only you will stick with it.  Stay off drugs make smart decisions, don’t let other kids talk you into things you know you shouldn’t do.  You are cool because you are a writer.  

This poem showed real depth for your age.  Keep trying to express feelings and thoughts as clearly as you can.  Use your own words -like you did in this poem.  I will be watching for your other posts here at urbis.

wow i can’t believe you’re only 15 too. i’m 15 and i wish i could write like that. it was a simple poem, but it was real. i could feel that it was true~heartfelt you know?
it was good and you are on your way to biggger and better things, i can tell.

I feel this.  I actually like that this poem is written as you would speak.  It brings a reality to the writing that many poems do not, because they are being held together with poetic rhyme and reasoning.  I like the message that you’ve express in this also.  I can relate very much.  Thank you for sharing this.

This is a youthful piece.  It sounded like a conversational piece of poetry.  Sounds like puppy love revisited.  I wouldn’t know anything about that though.  But I imagine it’s the way you described in this poem and that’s sweet and simple.  I like personal pieces and this felt just like that.  Thank you for sharing.

I like the concept. It is hard for me to review poetry that doesn’t rhyme or have some sort of rythm so don’t take me too serious. I think that it would be cool if it ended with “We were there, you and I, in those days, oh those days.” instead of Oh we were there.
Like I said, don’t take me too seriously!
Thank you for sharing.
Love All, Mejasha

I enjoy this as an overall piece, I love the tone. Some of the language is a bit…oh how to put it…lofty?

The last line :Oh, were we there -works fine

but

You make me miss those days, oh those days.

The “Oh” in there feels a little put on.
and

I’ll smile, for, it happened.

the use of “For” also makes me feel a little like you’re trying to replicate Shakespeare.

Beyond those little nit picky things I think you have real talent. I am curious as to who your influences are.  

This is slightly interesting; though, mind you, your age completely betrays you in the sense of the premise.  This, most obviously, is about lost love; perhaps, however, I’ve misconstrued it horridly, and you meant something else.

If that’s the case, ignore the following.  In fact; I apologize for the following, I’ve never really been quite fond of such prose.  You show a great deal of promise, and I’m sure you’ll far exceed what you’ve penned on this fine day, for tomorrow most certainly holds better words.

Firstly; this line bothered me, as a reader; Baby, it’s something that you still make me giggle.  Earlier, I said your age has betrayed you, and this is partially what I am speaking of.  Stray from saying Baby, or anything of the sort.  Try something more classic, and not pertaining to infancy.

Most everyone loses a loved one, and then writers a poem about it.  It seems to be in the nature of everyone; love, lose, and write.  So, when I say that these things have been expressed in every country song, every horrid poem, and every tongue since the beginning of time; I’m not shitting you.

Try and branch out, explore something new as it relates to you losing he, unless she makes you giggle, in which case, well, good luck.  You have a great deal of potential, and perhaps you will come back ten fold strong, and prove everything in my mind about horrid teen poetry wrong.  I hope you do, for most of it is quite on the side of drivel.

Overall; you show promise, but it’s covered by the moss and mold of cliche.

This poem really hit home for me. It was very nice to know that I am not the only one who has moved on from an old relationship but can still smile about the good times it held. I like how you made the last line separate from the rest of the poem. Overall, it was a great piece of work.