Poetry / the room

I have a little trouble with this one.  I understand the concept of what you are trying to say.  But it doesn’t feel like a poem for one and for two you put periods and then don’t capitalize the the word.  Nor are your Is capped.  It gives the peice an immature feeling.  Granted you are only 14 and you have a great skill with putting thought to paper.  Now its time to turn that thought into art.  If you truly want this peice to be a poem there are several things to do.  One is to break it up into smaller lines, don’t word wrap it.  When you start a sentence on a previous line and end with only one or two words on the line following and start another sentence on that same line it conveys word wrapping.  
ex:  the room had a soul, the soul

not an important one, just an ordinary soul.
  
turns into
The room had a soul,
not an important one…
just an ordinary soul.

this conveys a pause and turns the words into a more poetic form.  I can’t do the whole peice because that would fall under cutting and pasting…but I think you can get the idea.  

And you do not have to use the pucntuation like I did…it is just my interpretation.  

Now to the story/poem itself.  How come the room you want is pink but it is black?  That part jumps out to me and needs explanation.

you say the room comes from a dream that you can not explain.  This makes people curious about the dream and how it comes to you.  Try to get across to us a feeling that the dream gave you more than what the dream was.

You speak of memories…why not give more detail…explain a few memories and how they stand out to you.  Yes they are holograms but what are the holograms doing?  Why do these particular memories stand out in this room.  What makes the room so special.

What thoughts does the room contain?

The ending seems abrupt.  Try to explain the events that made you realize that the room was reality and life was your dream.  Are you in an insane asylum and you regained your sanity ut for a moment?  Or permanently?  What event made this happen?

Anyhow…please continue to work on this…and decide if it is a poem or a story…while it can be made into either it can not be both.  

Very trippy and interesting.  I’m not sure if “poetry” is the best category for it though – maybe you could expand on this and make it a short story?  Telling more about the main character might also be a good idea.  I do like the way you describe the memories as holograms.  Maybe clarify a bit in the first part what you mean by “I could want it to be pink and it would be black”, that part threw me off a bit.  This holds promise, though.  Keep it up.

I thought it was okay, I did like the point behind it. Up until the part where you talked about waking up…When I read it I kinda pictured it in a play. Weird huh? Lol. I did though. Anyway, it was okay.