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Poetry / Lost Woman
Upon first looking on the torso of a young woman,
Her visage unique, upon reflection.
Drawing into view directly left center of her chest,
An opening cut through flesh…
Through bone…
Resulting in evisceration,
To form a hole in need of repair.
Slowly being sealed off,
Brick by brick.
Surrounding the reconstruction…
Where heart pumping blood,
To impassion flesh once resided,
Lies the outer encapsulation,
Now turning grey and isolated,
Statuesque in form,
Vision,
Tangibility.
As the bricks function to close the gap,
The flesh,
Once soft,
Pure,
Warm,
Dries like a cement casing,
Folding creases like paper mache.
As eyes gaze downward from the opening between her breasts,
Another opening is found,
Still freshly wounded flesh,
Gaping,
Vulnerable,
Susceptible to infection,
Morbid diathesis not yet dealt with,
Because her human resources are still gathering bricks,
So she lays open,
Brick and cement where a heart once resided,
Still wounded,
Aching,
Exposed where her womb belongs,
Slowly forming solid carapace,
An elegant statue for eyes to gaze on,
But scarcely noticing her own allure,
Scarcely feeling anything at all.
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You use some interesting imagery and turns-of-phrase here, such as with the paper mache creases, but I wish I saw more images like that. Too often you tell us what is happening (“her visage unique”) rather than showing us (as with a description of said visage that shows its unique aspects.)
The idea here is not particularly new… a heart torn out, replaced with brick-and-mortar that fills the void. I think to really show us a lost woman, you could show us more of what created the void, and what changes her into a person without access to her heart.
That said, some of the mortician’s perspective is interesting to me, as is the cinematic effect at the beginning of the poem where we are “Drawing into view”... I would have liked to see more of that, almost as though I was privy to stage direction and camera angles that would otherwise be hidden from the audience.
Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. All the best.
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