“Spritit of the ghost” is done to double up on the joke that it’s about Darwin, a figure often used by people who don’t believe in spirits or ghost. Also, I really like its phonetic beauty.
“Dramatic pause” is simply said as part of the line.
Stage Play / Tale of a Tired Playwright
Setting: a stage
2 characters (jack and John, ages and genders unimportant) and a visible stage hand with a black shirt marked “crew”
Jack: John!
John: Jack!
Jack: How’s everything?
John: My wife died and my son sacrificed his boa constrictor to the immortal spirit of the ghost of Darwin.
Jack: Sorry to hear that
John: Well, you know how it goes. Say, how’s your dad doing? Haven’t seen him in a while.
Jack: Oh, pop’s doing fine. He’s decomposing very nicely in the compost pile. Don’t tell anyone now.
John: Oh please, who’d listen? So I guess that means you got the promotion, huh?
Jack: Well, you know how it goes. You start doing all the extra work but they drag their feet with the title and raise. Official line now is something about the paperwork. I kind of get the feeling they just don’t appreciate my efforts.
John: Well you’ve got to stand up for your self now and then. Let them know the work, dramatic pause, won’t get done without you.
Jack: Say, that reminds me; is Edward Albee still alive?
John: I don’t know, but that would make a damn good title for our little conversation. Now John…
Jack: I thought you were John.
John: Whatever. Now here’s the reason I bumped into you…
Jack: You mean this wasn’t just a chance meeting?
John: No.
Jack: But you didn’t bump into me, I bumped into you.
John: Sure seemed that way didn’t it? A chance meeting with an old friend, someone you haven’t seen in a while. You’re not even sure if you recognize them, but before you know it you find yourself confessing various dark sins. Aren’t you starting to pick up on this?
Jack: Pick up on what, John?
John: All the world’s a stage and we are merely players…
Jack: ...performers and portrayers. I remember that song. Was it Rush or Boston?
John: Rush.
Jack: That’s right, Boston did Amanda. But of course, who wouldn’t? What album was that?
John: You know, you’re not really of strong CHARACTER, are you?
Jack: Hmmm…let’s see. A speech about quote-unquote chance meetings, “all the world’s a stage,” the word ‘character’ being made noticeable by sounding as though you have a hairball…again, hmmm. Yeah I heard you were a conspiracy freak.
John: How did you get conspiracy out of all that?
Jack: Tell you what, John. Why don’t I just grab a seat while you explain it all. [does not sit down yet]
John: That’s my point! There is no chair there. All the world’s a stage, an empty stage. We are all, I mean both, stuck in a play. And not even a good one! Just a bunch of fourth-wall mumbo jumbo for an amateur company, a company so cheap it doesn’t even have a prop department! There is no chair!
Jack: Oookay. [sits on chair] That’s right now that I think about it.
John: You see it, too?
Jack: No. I was thinking to myself. They didn’t say you believe their was a ‘conspiracy.’ They said you felt there was a ‘plot.’ I don’t sense that. Have a seat Jack. [points to space]
John: [falls on ass]
Jack: You missed.
John: I missed what?! There’s no chair!
Jack: Then what were you trying to sit on?
John: I don’t know. What are you sitting on?
Jack: I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me? Tell me what else you see or don’t see or would like to see..
John: I see a black stage. I see lights.
Jack: Bright lights?
John: Of course.
Jack: And an audience?
John: No, but that doesn’t matter- it could be the whole falling tree in the woods thing.
Jack: Do you at least see the chairs?
John: I can’t see anything with these lights.
Jack: Did you have a bad experience with chairs as a kid? You can’t seem to see them in either world.
[stage hand walks out and hands Jack a coffee while John is still looking at lights/audience]
John: [turns around] Where did you get that from?
Jack: The waitress.
John: What waitress?
Jack: The one over there. [points offstage].
John: Which one?
Jack: The one with the ‘crew’ shirt.
John: And jeans? Holding the rope? She’s cute.
Jack: Total hottie dude.
John: Sweet
Jack: Bon jour.
John: What?
Jack: Capistrano
John: Excuse me?
[pace of conversation begins to speed up]
Jack: Beer cans! Twenty cents a pound! Beer cans!
John: What the hell’s the matter with you?!
Jack: Oh God, did I write that?
John: Did you write what?
Jack: More coffee, more coffee. Can’t write without coffee…
John: The coffee’s in your hand.
Jack: Jack sips coffee. SHIT! I forgot the brackets!
[5 seconds of silence]
John: Oh my… God? [realizes Jack is now the writer]
Jack: John, are you there?
John: You tell me.
Jack: Yeah, you’re there. Look, as you’ve always suspected, you’re fake.
John: So this is sort of like that Tru…
Jack: DON’T SAY…
John:...man Show movie?
Jack: You IDIOT! You had to do that, didn’t you? You had to go and mention something by name! Do you have any idea how much paperwork you’ve just caused?
John: But it is like that, isn’t it?
Jack: No. Because he didn’t know everything was fiction but him. He was real, you’re fake.
John: But he wasn’t real, he was Jim Carrey and the reality aspect of it wasn’t really that g…
Jack: John! Do you mind? I’ve been up all night writing.
John: But if I’m fake how can I control what I say?
Jack: You can’t. Check this out…
John: [does the dance] I’m a little teapot, short and stout, came on my first date before I whipped it out.
Jack: I gotta get some sleep. [begins heading off stage]
John: One more question…
Jack: NO!
John: One more question! Do I die now?
Jack: You were never alive.
John: So what happens now?
Jack: You fade, just like the lights, John. Just like the lights. [walks off stage]
[lights fade. John remains on stage]
[the end]
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loveandrockets28 reviewed Version 1 -
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this is wonderful! i laughed at the albee reference and i would love to watch this on stage… my only note is that if you’re gonna use a “crewman” put them to work more
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CiannaSkye reviewed Version 1 -
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gting reviewed Version 1 -
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spcruff00 reviewed Version 1 -
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Very interesting piece. I am somewhat confused as to what the whole thing was actually about. Who are Jack and John? What exactly is it that they are supposed to be doing? A brief synopsis could help to clarify things. Overall, it was quirky and fun.
Apatheticwriter13 reviewed Version 1 -
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unusualgirl0 reviewed Version 1 -
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I see where you’re trying to go with this, but it comes off as a bit forced. Because it starts out sounding like a farce, the transition to realization that they’re in a play doesn’t have as much impact as it could. Also, are they the writer, or the actor? It jumps back and forth, and I was confused. You may want to have a bit of info at the beginning about the characters, costumes, set, even if it’s just “empty stage, jeans and tee-shirts”.
Over all, I think you’ve got a good start. Good luck, good job and keep writing!
TNMG reviewed Version 1 -
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i think this was a funny cript. I really liem the way you took the idea. I mean i have done tahty quite a few times mainkly in dreams but when i am writing i alsweys imagine speaking to my characters it make me think like them and how they would react in situations. The only thing i would suggest is make it a bit longer. i now you have to be careful when writing with only two characters but i think you could get away with the script being abit longer.
MaskedMoon reviewed Version 1 -
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I find this stage play very interesting, though it does seem to drag in a few spots like the first scene “setting the stage” it did seem to drag in that scene for a while. It was the same thing with the chair scene. Anyway besides that I did enjoy the scene with the waitress and the last one after the five seconds of silence.
jvenhaus2 reviewed Version 1 -
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I really like this scene. If you would have told me that plot beforehand (two characters realize they are in a play, and acknowledge it, then one of them discovers the other is the author) I would have groaned. But, your dialogue lifts this scene above the scenario and is very entertaining. Thanks for the laugh. I really enjoyed it.
LadyMactans reviewed Version 1 -
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A few little things first:
“spirit of the ghost of Darwin.” aren’t spirit and ghost essentially the same thing? i’d cut one out.
“Let them know the work, dramatic pause, won’t get done without you. ” does the character say “dramatic pause” or is there a pause? if there’s a pause i’d put it in parentheses or something to make it more clear.
Look out for “there” vs. “their”.
I like what you’re trying to do here but I think it needs work. It’s too obvious, there isn’t much to decipher. You’re just telling the audience what’s going on, there’s no real drama, no plot, very little background. It needs more. Is this the whole play or just a scene? I think you could do something good with this if you did some editing and expanded it. Good luck.
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