Poetry / A Native Prayer

This is beautiful. My favorite lines are stanza one, lines one & two, stanza three, lines three & four, and all of the last stanza. I think the beginning is strong, powerful, and full of meaning without sounding overdone. I think the same is true of the ending – it’s very strong and does the piece justice. I absolutely love the image of the crystal springs. In fact, the whole piece has great imagery. It helps the reader see these things, and consequently helps the reader actually feel peaceful instead of just reading about it. Honestly, I’m having a hard time finding things to criticize because I think this is an excellent piece. Unfortunately, unchecked praise isn’t helpful, so I’ll give it a try. In stanza four, is there another way to word the last line? I understand why it’s there, and it make sense, but while reading the piece for the first time it made me pause b/c of the way it contradicts the line before it. In stanza six, should “native” be capitalized in that context? Either way, while the meaning of that stanza is excellent, it doesn’t really give the same feeling as the rest of the poem. The rest of the poem is extremely peaceful and beautiful, and that stanza feels much darker as it refers to oppression. If you want that, keep it as it is. However, it might fit the rest of the piece better if you rewrote it so that it just focuses on the joy of the dance and the language, without reference to oppression. Those are my suggestions, but they’re very nitpicky. Overall, this piece is wonderful and extremely strong as it is.

this is great. a prayer with poetic value recognizable by anyone. my favorite stanza is the third. such a trippy image. so beautiful. when i read this, i see a tribe of Native Americans out in the desert. should i? if that was who you were trying to depict, you did it with flying colors. reminds me of a book i read in 5th grade, “Island of the Blue Dolphins.” you should describe the setting more while continuing your device of writing each stanza as a supplication. overall, great piece. good job

Being Native American myself, I really enjoyed this piece. It’s beautifully written and I would love to see it published one day.

Greetings

This appears to be a case where breaking the rule s works. Normally the use of cliches and unimaginative use of words, terms, metaphors, generalized sentamentality, and similies is considered to be an anathema to poetry. They do work very well in politcal writing, prayer, and greeting card writing. I beleive that this works to your advantage for this purpose. Some religious topics can be written as 1st class poetry. See the bible for some great examples. This is a very nice prayer.

it’s a really touching poem.  I think the third stanza is a great image.  You’ve got a lot going on on this poem, a lot yur trying to convey to the reader.  the pride in your tradition is evident, especially in the fifth and sixth stanza.  my issue is this could be two seperate poems.  Going from the ideas in the third stanza could be a poemof it’s own.  that one seems more dreamy, on terms of how it reads.  later in the poem you get heavier in terms of practical issues.  I didn’t see the two meshing well together in the same poem.  Great Job.  

I like this piece.You write beautifully. Im put at ease as I read your work. I think you could strengthen it though with some more concrete, solid descriptions. Desribe the hand of greed, the pastel painted rainbows, the smell of the gentle breeze. Perhaps actaully name a specific wild flower.Just a thought. Nice work

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June 07, 2006

by Maria

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51	F	Sheridan, WY	November 20

Your comments are very helpful! I do understand by adding some flavor, I would add to the poem. But I’m Native American, and I try to stay very simple, as that is how the Native would speak. I might try adding some bits to see if it works. Thank you for your kindness!

March 10, 2008

by rrjs

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60	M	Foristell, MO	November 03

Greetings

I also am an Native American Poet. I would respectfully disagree with your assertion that Native American Poetry is simple.Try the work of Joy Harjo, Simon Ortiz, or Luci Tapahonso. Perhaps you are limiting yourself unneccesarily?

March 21, 2008

by Maria

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51	F	Sheridan, WY	November 20

Maybe my saying speaking simple was the wrong word!! Softer, I have found many don’t understand my work at all. I find many expect me to use a rougher edge, or harsher tone, but it does not feel right to me. My father always said sometimes a point is better expressed in a quieter tone, I think that might be holding me back some. But please I really welcome your advice, as you are a Native American poet.

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Let the winds of peace blow/upon the earth forever
Since my grandfather is Native American I was excited to read this piece.  I feel like this is a prayer/poem he would like. It spoke to ma both as a spiritual piece, and as a cultural piece. It would function well as a prayer for a cultural ceremony, or as part of a reading to promote Native American awareness. I like it.

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May 17, 2006

by Maria

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51	F	Sheridan, WY	November 20

Thank you so much for your kind review.

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