Novel Treatments / Testing the Ladder Theory - Part 1

As I pull into my driveway my mind leaps ahead to the beer I slid into the fridge a few hours ago.  I can imagine the cool bottle in my hand and the liquid cooling my throat while warming my insides.  Fridays, why people love them is beyond me.  Everything goes wrong on Fridays.  Today the phone system crashed twice, anyone who knew anything on how to fix it was on vacation, and finally the sprinkler system went off for no apparent reason.  

Opening the door I kicked my heels off toward the pile of shoes and wiggled my toes into the plush carpet.  Every time I put on the heels I want to kick Missy’s ass for convincing me to buy them and every time I kick them off I thank myself for buying the extra padded carpet.  It is such a relief to kick them off at the end of the day and let my feet breathe.  Truth be known, I didn’t wear them most of the day, but rather kept them hidden under my desk in case I had to leave my office for some reason.

“Yelper?”  I called out for the dog that I still wasn’t sure I liked and frowned when he didn’t come running.  Normally the little pest was all over me when I opened the door.  My mind raced back to my lunch break and suddenly I couldn’t remember if I’d brought him back in from the back yard.  I practically ran across the damn living room to the glass sliding door thinking Jesse’s going to kill me if I lost that damn dog.  I came to a stop when I heard Jesse call from down the hallway, “He’s in here.”

I relaxed at once knowing the dog was safe and so was I.  Crossing over to the fridge that held my after work delight I asked, “You got him locked up already?”

As much as I hated the little pest it wasn’t like Jesse to lock him up till he left for the night and lately because I felt bad for him, not because I liked him or anything, he didn’t get locked up till I went to bed.

When Jesse didn’t answer I headed toward his room, my beer half finished before I got there.  As I neared his door I asked,” Did he mess on your floor again?”

There was no need to answer though because as I entered his doorway the boxes explained everything.  I took it in for a minute, not once looking at Jesse leaning by the bed, but instead looking at the boxes that now held his belongings.  The closet was open and I could see nothing but empty space, the dresser was gone as was his computer, his books were in a box by my feet, his weight bench disassembled, and his bed in the process of being disassembled.  

“I”….His voice caught as he saw me standing in the doorway.  His brown eyes peaked out from the flop of black hair that fell across them, but they didn’t seem to look at me.  He glanced away and then down at the bed.

“So you’re going?”  I was surprised that my voice didn’t come out squeaky or wobbly.  I expected it to crack and break, but instead it was calm and matter of fact.

He nodded and then stood up.  As he stood messing with the bolts in his hands I drank him in.  The way his shoulders tensed, and his fingers moved nervously playing with the bolts for no apparent reason.  By the time he finally turned around I’d finished the rest of the beer and was starting to leave.  

“Jelissa.”  I turned around at the sound of my name and he shrugged.  “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

I smiled at him then.  It was just like Jesse to ask me what to do.  It was a sad smile and I could feel my lips starting to waiver.  I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, not yet visible but just below the surface ready to break free.  Looking away I shrugged too, “We were just roommates Jess.  It doesn’t matter.”

He nodded then and added, “We’ll still be friends.”

I looked at him then and saw that he was serious.  There was nothing to suggest he was joking and that made me laugh.  “Yeah Jess, friends.  Always friends.”

I didn’t feel the empty bottle slip from my hands as I turned away and headed to my room.  I didn’t bother to turn the light on, but instead curled right up in the middle of my bed.  My mind was racing.  Jesse was leaving.  Not just this house, but this friendship.  Words meant nothing and actions meant everything.  The tears came in a stream then and I laid there waiting for them to stop.  

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I could hear someone knocking on my door.  Groggy, I opened the door surprised to see Jesse standing there.  His hands were in his pockets and he was shifting slowly back and forth on his feet.  “You ok?”

Rubbing my eyes I tried to concentrate, “What is it Jess?”  I was so tired though.   My eyes had trouble keeping open and an even harder time focusing on him.  As I was shaking my head to clear it I could feel his arms reach out to steady my shoulders.  I hadn’t realized that I was off balanced till he straightened me back up.  I could hear him speaking, but it wasn’t like he was speaking to me. “Jesus Christ. What’d you take?”  I could feel him shaking me, my head bouncing back and forth.  It came back to me then and I tried to push him away.  “I’m fine. Just leave already.”  I didn’t realize that the words slurred together into a jumble of sounds that couldn’t be understood.

I could hear him mumbling as he dragged me to the bed and carefully laid me down.  I watched as he picked up the bottles from my dresser and looked at them, chucking all of them to the side after studying the bottles.  The whole time I could hear him talking about me, to me, and muttering curse words.   Soon he was at my side shaking me again, “God dammit. Jelissa.  Look at me.”

I tried to look at him, I honestly did, but there was nothing.  His hand cupped my face and I was amazed by how cool it was.  It felt so good that I tried to tell him I was hot, but he just stood over me, staring at me and talking into the phone.  

There were sirens then and beeping machines all around me.  I was cold, so damn cold.  I could feel Jesse grasping my hand, leaning over he whispered into my ear.  I’m not sure what he said, but it was calming and made me let go of the fear that surround me.  Jesse wouldn’t let anything hurt me.  He promised me that long ago.  Some strange guy stood over me in his blue uniform asking me all sorts of questions.  “Ma’am it’s really important now that we know what you took.  Can you tell me what you took?”  

I shook my head and tried to tell them, “I didn’t take anything.  What’s wrong with me?”  But the darkness overtook me again.  I could feel the strangers breathing over me as he leaned over again asking, “What sort of pills did you take miss?”    

My eyes opened once as they wheeled me through the hospital.  The lights above raced together as if they were one running light instead of ten separate ones in the hallway.  There were nurses and doctors around my bed.   Their faces floated around me like a freaky kaleidoscope.  I couldn’t make out much of what they said expect certain words, “Possible drug victim.”  Why on earth would they say that?  I don’t do drugs.  I’m not a druggie. I saw Jesse then talking rapidly to the strange guy in the blue uniform and relaxed.  Jesse would tell them that I don’t do drugs.  

_~~~~~~

“Sir, if you know what she took, you need to tell us.”  The emergency worker stared at the young man waiting for an answer.  Poking Jesse in the chest he repeated, “I can’t help her if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“I don’t.  She doesn’t take drugs.”  Jesse kept talking in circles.  “She doesn’t take them.”  

The emergency worker stared at the man waiting for him to calm down.  It was always like this.  No one ever knew what the other person took, yet they always mentioned a possible drug overdose.

“Sir” He waited till Jesse focused back on him.  “Was she upset over something?”

Jesse nodded slowly his black hair falling into his eyes, his hands nervously brushing it to the side.  His eyes darted back and forth from the man in front of him to the doors they took her through, “Yeah.  I’m moving and well I thought she was upset.  Then she just walked away.  Hell I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

“Had she been drinking?”  Jesse closed his eyes as he remembered the bottle slipping out of her hand as she wandered down the hallway.  Remembering that as she walked she swayed to the side and had to brace her arm against the wall to keep from falling he answered,   “Yes.”

He watched as the man quickly took notes as he continued to ask questions, “How much?”  Jesse shrugged.  “Sir I need to know.”  The man’s gruff voice broke the calmness in Jesse.  He turned around and slammed a fist into the wall.  “I don’t fucking know, alright?”  

Jesse could feel all the eyes in the room turning toward him.  He could feel them watching him. “You need to calm down sir.  Getting upset isn’t going to help her.”

Letting his fist slid down the wall Jesse shrugs again.  “I only saw one.”

“One bottle?  One case?”

Jesse opened his eyes and glared at the man standing in front of him.  “One bottle.  She’s not an alcoholic and she’s not a druggie.”

The emergency worker gave him a look full of doubt.  No one was an alcoholic or druggie here.  Didn’t the kid know that by now?  Everyone that came in had overdosed this one time only.  They didn’t have problems they were just unlucky.  They didn’t have problems till years later in some church basement when they finally stepped forward and admitted what everyone had known for years, “Hi name is, and I’m an alcoholic.”  He decided to play along though to see if finally he could get some answers.

“Was she upset enough to try to take her life?”  The emergency worker watched the anger on Jesse’s face blur into the doubt and then fear.  Jesse’s body shook as he bit out the word,” No.”  Then shaking his head continued, “Not Jelissa.  She wouldn’t do it man.”

Jesse watched him take more notes and then glanced around.  “Can you check on her?”  The emergency worker looked over at the door and then told him, “She’s in good hands.”  Jesse barely paid attention as the worker asked him more questions and then asked him to wait in the waiting area.  The room was almost empty as it was early in the Friday evening and the night’s activities had yet to begin.  Sitting down he stared at the TV without seeing the screen.  Instead he saw her body as it lay shaking and convulsing on the bed.  He thought back to all the bottles on her dresser and how he too had thought she’d overdosed.  Yet the bottles weren’t filled with pills but with spare change.  Not a single one of them had pills.  He’d heard her come in the door so he knew she hadn’t had enough time to get drunk off the beer she had in the fridge.    

Just as he stood to go demand answers from the desk his phone began to vibrate in his hands.  Glancing at the ID he realized he’d forgotten all about Missy.  Flinging the phone open he began to talk right away, “Missy you have to come to the ER now. “
~_~~~~~~

Missy’s voice crackled with fear.  “The ER? Oh my god, Jess are you ok?”

His voice cracked as he tried to explain,” Its Jel.  I don’t know what the hell happened.  She just started swaying like she was drunk then she was shaking and mumbling.”

” She’s just overreacting to the news Jess.  You know she gets excited sometimes.”  

“NO.  It’s not like that Missy.  Something’s wrong with her.  Just come, please. “

Missy didn’t buy it for a second.  There was nothing wrong with Jelissa and she was about to tell Jess that when he uttered, “I need you.”

She took a deep breathe and told herself not to worry.  Yes it was Jelissa that was causing him to get upset, but it was her he wanted by his side not Jelissa.  Trying to force a smile she responded, “I’ll be right there.”

As she hung up the phone she vouched that she wouldn’t let Jelissa get away with this.  She and Jesse should be at her apartment, spending their first night together.  Okay so maybe he had stayed over many times before, but it was to be the first night he lived there.  Instead here she was going to check up on Jelissa.

Pulling into the parking lot she checked the mirror and smoothed her blonde hair back into place, smiling at the blue eyes looking back at her.  This was just a minor setback.  Soon enough she’d be at home wrapped in Jesse’s arms and Jelissa wouldn’t even be a thought.  Hoping the Drs were smart enough to realize that nothing was wrong, she slid out of the car and made her way to the ER.

The Dr had just come out to talk to Jesse as Missy wandered in through the door.  Waving her over Jesse caught her in a hug, crushing her to him as the Dr. explained, “We’re keeping her overnight for observation.  Once her fever goes down she should be fine to go home.”

Missy smiled at the Dr. knowingly and wound her arms around Jesse’s waist.  “What caused it?”  The Dr. looked at her briefly and then turned back to Jesse.  “We’re not really sure what caused her condition.  We’ll be running some tests to see while she’s here tonight.”

“Was it drugs?”  Missy asked the question so matter of fact that Jesse stepped back from her and glared at her.  The Dr. and Jesse spoke at the same time with Jesse’s answer being a firm, “No” and the Dr. answering in a bored tone, “We don’t believe so at this time.”

The Dr. stepped away, “You’ll be able to see her in about an hour.”  

Missy could feel Jesse glaring at her even before she turned around.  She shrugged her shoulders and asked, “Well? Isn’t that what you first assumed?”  

Jesse looked guilty as looked away and simply said, “God I was so worried about her.”

Missy sat in the chair and started leafing through a magazine.  Leave it to Jesse not to realize Jelissa was faking the whole thing.  Hell, he still didn’t realize that Jelissa was in love with him.  She half listened as Jesse rambled on, “She was so calm about me moving.  She just walked away and then later when I knocked on her door she was so out of it.  She was stumbling and…”

“You mean to tell me, we’re here because she got drunk?”  Missy rolled her eyes and continued to read the magazine until Jesse ripped it from her hands and threw it on the ground.  They glared at each other for a while, until Jesse stalked off in the other direction.

As he left, Missy cried until the lady sitting next to her pressed a tissue into her hand.  Sniffling she looked up into a wrinkled old face that asked, “Are you ok?”

Before she knew it Missy was spinning her tale to the lady.  How she was so looking forward to this day with her boyfriend and now it was ruined.  She conveniently left out the part of them moving in together, after all the lady probably grew up in a generation that frowned upon such actions.  “And now it’s ruined.”

The lady patted her hand and asked, “What happened?”

Missy sniffled a bit, “I feel so bad.  I shouldn’t even be thinking about me.”

“Oh, dear is he hurt?”

Missy shook her head and looked away from the woman toward the doors to the ER as she fibbed, “No, it’s my friend I’m worried about.”  Her voice stumbled over the word friend, but the woman next to her either didn’t catch the stumble or chalked it up to her being upset.

“She tried to commit suicide and it’s my fault.”  Missy let the tears continue to fall as she continued, “She loves my boyfriend and is upset that he’s mine.”

The stranger went on and on with advice.  Her words soothing and reassuring, but Missy didn’t listen.  Truthfully she didn’t care much that Jelissa was in here, but she knew deep down that people wouldn’t understand that.  No she was upset that it wasn’t going according to plan, but no one would understand what she’d went through so it was better to let them believe she was upset over her friend.

She let the stranger hug her and continue to reassure her until she saw Jesse re-enter the room.  When she saw him she flung herself into his arms and buried her head into his chest.  As his arms curled around her waist she began to calm down.  

The lady called out to Jesse as they headed out, “Son you ought to be ashamed of yourself.  This poor girl’s been so worried about you and her friend.  You can’t just go taking off on someone in those conditions.”

_~~~~~~

The next thing I know I’m laying in a hospital bed with all sorts of needles poking through my skin.  There’s one of those stupid monitors on my thumb, an IV dripping to one side, another bag of something hanging below it, a cuff on my arm, and a lot of other beeping machinery around me.  My eyes blink several times trying to adjust to light and I struggle to remember what happened.  Jesse was leaving.  I remember that.  There were boxes everywhere.  I was lying in my bed crying. Then what?  I could put together bits and pieces, but nothing more.

Opening my eyes fully I reached for the cup sitting next to my bed and welcomed the cooling water on my throat.  I was just ready to push the nurse’s button to get some answers when the door opened and Jesse came in.  He hesitated at the door for a moment and I tried to talk, but my voice was weak.  The “hi”, pretty much sounded like a croak.  

I motioned him forward with one hand as I gulped more water.  I froze when I saw Missy enter the room behind him.  She smiled at me, but I know her well enough to know that it wasn’t a real smile.  It was the smile that she’s perfected over the years that people thought was friendly, but really wasn’t.  Choosing to ignore her I asked Jesse, “What happened to me?”

Missy laughed and raised her hand as if to hide the noise.  I watched his hand tighten over hers and she looked away.  “You don’t remember?”  He looked at me so carefully, like he was examining my face to see if I was lying.  I shook my head and replied, “I was sleeping and then you came.”

Jesse nodded.  “You were so out of it.  I was so worried.  Dropping Missy’s hand he stepped over to the bed and wrapped his arms around me.  “Jel. I was so scared.  So damn scared.  You didn’t do anything stupid did you?”  

He pulled back to sit on the edge of the bed.  His hand on the side of my face, “You wouldn’t?”

As I grasped what he was asking me I pulled away from his touch, “Are you serious?”  

“You really think I did this to myself?”  I wished for the energy to get up and walk out the room or better yet to plant my doubled up fist into his perfect nose.  “You do don’t you?”

Jesse said nothing but he didn’t look at me either.  “Jesse?”  When he continued to stare at his hands I turned my gaze toward Missy who stood glaring at me.  She’d approached the bed and her arm wrapped over Jesse’s shoulders as if to lay claim.  “You to?”

She looked at me then and I was surprised to see her smile.  She actually snorted as she asked, “You, suicide?”  She shook her head no, “That’s too final for you.”

I lay back trying to grasp that even Missy was on my side and Jesse didn’t believe me.  Then she continued, “You were just faking it.”

My mouth fell open as the words hit home. “What?”  I watched as Missy rolled her eyes.  Glancing away from my stare she flicked imaginary flint of Jesse’s shoulders as she continued, “Oh, come off it.  You’re obviously upset that Jesse’s moving.  So you thought you’d find a way to make him stay.”

I didn’t have to ask her if she honestly believed that.  Her voice was so matter of fact and her eyes held no room for doubt.  I wasn’t surprised really.  Once I would have been.  After all this was supposedly my best friend up until two months ago.    Now nothing surprised me with her.  I’d given into the fact that I didn’t know her at all or perhaps I choose not to see what I didn‘t like.

I looked to Jesse for support.  Jesse was always my support.  Since we were 14 he’d stuck up for me and I’d stuck up for him.  He wasn’t looking at me though.  He was still watching his hand intertwined with hers.  I focused on the hands and finally understood.  

“I want you to leave.”  I bit the words out as the tears threatened to come.  She shrugged and said, “Fine, we’ll both leave.”  She stressed the word we as if I want him to go along with her.  She started for the door, but Jesse stayed seated causing her to halt.  When he turned to look at me I glanced away, “I meant both of you.”

“Jelissa.”  It surprised me that he was able to say my name just as he use to say it.  To think that was the voice I called when I needed a friend.  When I didn’t look at him he reached over and patted my head like he’d done so many times in the past.  “I’ll…”

Her shrill voice interrupted him, “She wants us to go, so let’s go.  It’s obvious she’s acting Jess.”  I said nothing in my defense.  I was still too stunned that no one else was standing up for me to really stand up for myself.  When Jesse didn’t leave Missy yanked her hand away and yelled at me, “He’s mine.  Can’t you see that?  Let him go already.”

I closed my eyes and tried not to hear her.  I tried to block her out and to imagine something else, but her voice pounded my ears and the tears fell silently onto my pillow.  Jesse stood then his voice rough as he pointed toward the door and told her simply, “Out.”

She stormed out, slamming the door behind her.  I could hear her footsteps stomping as she ran down the hallway.  Somehow she was always the victim.

I was surprised that Jesse stayed and told him, “Go.”

“I”.  He looked back at the door and then me, caught like he always was between the urge to be my friend and to be with her.  The only difference was before tonight I was sure he was my friend.  Tonight I was sure he wasn’t.  It wasn’t what he said, but rather what he didn’t say.

“Just please go.”  He started to the door and turned back.  “Are you ok? I mean really ok?”

He stood there for a moment and I realized he wanted me to give him permission to leave.   Opening my eyes I looked at him and wondered where did Jesse go?  The guy in front of me was but a glimpse of the boy that I’d befriended all those years ago.  Glaring at him I pushed the nurse button on my bed and as soon as she answered I asked, “Could you send security in?  I don’t want this visitor here anymore.”

His brown eyes narrowed and he started toward me. “It doesn’t have to be like this.”  When I wouldn’t look at him he kicked the chair next to my bed and turned away.  Just as he was exiting the security officers showed up at my door.  As the door was closing I couldn’t help but shout, “We’ll still be friends.”    My voice shook though and it wasn’t as sarcastic sounding as I wanted it to be.  Instead it was more of a plea.  I saw his face as the door slammed closed.  It was set into hard lines.  His jaw clenched together and his eyes full of hurt.  I wondered briefly if he could see the pain he caused me as well as I could see his pain.  

_~~~~~~

Jesse shrugged the security guard’s hand off his shoulder.  He saw the guy’s chest peak with pride and for a moment he thought about giving in to the urge to smash something.  He knew he could take the guard who was a good 5 inches shorter and at least 75 pounds lighter.   In his head though he could hear a comment Jelissa made years ago about security guards.  The guard at her college had been giving him shit about visiting her after hours.  He’d been ready to swing back then when she’d laughed and asked him,” Do you really need to pick on him?  I mean seriously look at him.  He’s a security guard because somewhere along the lines he needed to prove his manhood.  Don’t take that from him now.”  

The memory made him stop and glance back at the door that had been so kindly shut in face.  He didn’t want to leave her.  He still didn’t understand what had happened today.  If it wasn’t drugs, and she wasn’t acting what was it?

He thought back to what the Dr. had said.  Drugs.  It had to be the drugs.  The Dr. hadn’t said he was sure it wasn’t drugs.  Hmm maybe she’d found an old stash of weed and tried to smoke it.  Anything harder than weed and it just wasn’t Jelissa.  She didn’t do the harder drugs.  Hell she hadn’t smoked anything in five years and for the life of him Jesse could imagine that she‘d start now.

“Sir, if you don’t leave I’ll be forced to remove you.”  Jesse snapped back at the crackling voice of the security guard.  The guard was standing in front of the door with his feet wide apart, his shoulders pulled back so that his chest stuck out, but it did nothing to hide the fact that he was physically inadequate to make Jesse move if Jesse didn’t want to.  Jesse couldn’t help but laugh as he walked away.
  
Riding the elevator down his fingers itched to dial the hospital and call Jelissa.  They weren’t by any means done talking.  He damn well planned on finding out exactly what had happened.   He couldn’t shake the look on her face though and instead of dialing the hospital he called another number.  

When no one answered he left a curt message for them to call back and jumped in his car.  Half-way out of the parking lot he realized he wasn’t sure where to go.  Back to Missy’s apartment or home.  He cursed remembering that home wasn’t home anymore.  He wanted to park the car and march back into the hospital, but he knew Jelissa well enough to know that she needed time.  Yet he didn’t want to deal with Missy and packing didn’t seem like an option since he wasn’t sure about anything right now.  

He got about a block away, driving slowly with no direction when suddenly it hit him.  The car bounced over the curb as he whipped a u-turn in the middle of the road, Jesse barley recognizing that he’d almost got hit by an oncoming car as he realized he had no clue where Missy was.  He pounded the steering wheel with one hand, and tried to speed dial her number with the other hand.  The car weaving back and forth as he tried to control it at the same time.  

“What.”  Missy’s voice was tearful when she answered but the anger still rang through loud and clear.  

“Uh.”  Jesse tried to figure out a way to ask her where she was without letting her realize that he wasn’t at the hospital.  “I can’t find you.”

Missy sniffled into the phone and the anger dropping out of her voice as she asked, “How long have you been looking for me?”

She wanted him to say that he’d come running after her the moment she ran off.  He knew that and she knew that.  Both of them knew it wasn’t true.  Jesse sighed and answered,’ since right after you left.”

“Really?”  Her voice turned softer and for a moment Jesse was tempted to set her straight and to give her hell for not being worried about Jel.  Instead he let it go once more and asked, “Where are you?”

Missy glanced around his room at all the boxes hesitant to answer.  “Jesse….”

“Are you still at the hospital?”

“No. I’m,” she looked around again and finally blurted out, “You know I’ve been waiting for this night….  Damn it I’m not going to let her ruin this for me.  I‘m finishing your…”

Circling the car around Jesse closed the phone ending the conversation and pressed the accelerator a bit harder.  He couldn’t believe she was packing his things.  Not after everything that had happened.  As he glanced back in the mirror and saw the hospital getting smaller he wondered what Jelissa would have to say about the fact that he’d ended back up at the hospital.  He decided she’d tell him it was a sign for him to go back in, but, once again remembering the look on her face, he pressed forward.  He couldn’t face the fact that for once he was responsible for the sadness in her eyes.  It was his job to take away her pain, not add to it.

_~~~~~~

Missy dialed Jesse’s number a good five times before she gave in and accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to answer.  Shoving more of his stuff into the nearest box she didn’t understand why he was mad at her.  Was it so wrong of her to want to enjoy the first night of their living together?  Had they not tip-toed around this so as not to hurt Jelissa’s feelings?  Five months had passed since she’d first asked him to move in with her.  She could tell he had wanted to, after all he stayed there most of the time anyways, but no, Jelissa wouldn’t like it.  Jelissa would be alone.  He’d promised to stay and help out.

She’d just finished taping a box shut and was struggling through the bedroom door with it when she heard the front door slam open.  Jesse glared at her over the box, his brown eyes like fierce arrowheads.  Stunned at the way he looked at her, Missy dropped the box wondering if she’d gone too far.  

“Can’t you just leave it?”  His voice was icy cold and caused goose bumps to spread down her arms.

When she started to cry he slammed the door shut. “I’m sick of the fucking tears.”  She watched him walk towards the kitchen and quickly brought her hand up to wipe away the tears.  Briefly she wondered why she hadn’t realized she was crying.  When had crying become so natural that she didn’t even realize she was?  Following him she shouted back, “And I’m sick of her.”

Jesse sat at the kitchen table, his head bowed down and his fingers wrapped tightly around the bottle of Budweiser in front of him.  As he rose his head to look at Missy he also raised the bottle to his lips.  Finishing the beer in a solitary movement he threw it against the counter and watched it break into pieces.  “Well she was almost gone tonight for good.”

Missy pounded her hands on the table demanding, “Am I supposed to care? Honestly?  Because I don’t Jesse.  I don’t care a fucking bit!”

Jesse stared at the tearful mess in front of him and asked,” Who the fuck are you?”

Tears ran down Missy’s face and her body shook with sobs.  Clutching the table for support she whispered, “I thought I was your girlfriend.”

Grabbing another beer from the fridge his voice grew louder as he asked, “Can it once, just this once not be about you?”

“Oh, let me guess, it’s about Jelissa right?  It’s always about her, how can you not see that?”  Missy turned away from Jesse and faced out the window.  “She’s always getting between us.  It’s not about me, it’s about us.”

“NO!”  Jesse’s cold voice made her turn around and really look at him.  Missy was taken back to see that his eyes were actually wet with tears threatening to explode.  It made her angry that he was crying over Jelissa and not her.  “It’s about the fact that our best friend almost died tonight and you don’t care.”

“Almost died?  Stop being so dramatic Jesse.  She was acting.”  Missy stepped closer to him thinking if she could just get her arms around him he’d forget that he was mad at her.  One kiss, one hug and she knew she could convince him to see things her way.  It’d be different if she indeed believed that all of this wasn’t an act, but she knew better.  You don’t share secrets with a person for years and not learn a couple of their secrets in the meantime.  Jelissa needed attention like any other girl, she was just clever in how she got it.     “And let’s not forget she hasn’t been my friend for months.”

Jesse stepped back as Missy stepped toward him.  Her arms stretched out for him, but he held back and they fell heavily to her sides.  “Jess.”

She watched as he shook his head no and left the room.  Her feet crumpled under her as she sat on the cool tile floor and cried till there were no more tears.  She cried even harder then, loud heavy sobs that echoed through the house and still Jesse didn’t come find her.

_~~~~~~~

After Jesse left, the nurse came in and asked me if I wanted to block him from coming back.  I stared blankly at her for a moment and again she asked, “Would you like to block any visitors from seeing you?”

I didn’t want to answer yes.  This was just a spat between two friends, but then I closed my eyes and saw his hand locked together with Missy’s hand.  The lines had been drawn a long time ago.  He’d been straddling the war zone so to speak between two girls who were once friends, but no more.  He didn’t believe me and when I wasn’t able to stand up for myself, he said nothing.  “Yes.”  My voice was shaky and the tears ran down my face as I answered, “Jesse Allan and Missy White.”  

The nurse nodded and asked, “The two that just left?”  I nodded and she came over to my bed checking the stats as she assured me, “Don’t worry about it hon, they won’t be back in to bother you.”

She fiddled with some machines and I lay back against the bed with my eyes closed as she rambled on about people not respecting the sick.  My eyes fluttered opened at the word sick and I was bothered by the fact that I still didn’t know what had happened.  

“Ma’am?”  She turned to look at me and though I had meant to just ask what was wrong with me, I suddenly need approval, “You don’t think I’m a drug addict do you?”  It didn’t matter that this woman didn’t know me all I needed was to hear someone, anyone at this point, say that they believed me.

She cocked her head to the side and asked, “Now why on earth would you ask a question like that?”  

“I don’t.”  I stopped trying to tell her all at once that I’m not a drug addict and that I don’t remember what happened. Sucking in a deep breathe I continued, “I don’t know why I’m here.  I don’t know what happened. And Jesse he thinks it is drugs but I don’t.  I mean I know it isn’t drugs because I don’t do them.”

The nurse lifted a chart off the side of my bed, “Hasn’t the Dr. talked to you yet?”  I shook my head no, but she was already to busy reading my file to say anything.  Placing the chart back on the bed the nurse looked at me and shrugged, “Hon it doesn’t say anything about drugs in there.  If you didn’t take them, don’t let that man get to you.”

I nodded and asked, “What does it say?”  She looked at me for a moment before shrugging, “Basically it says they have no idea what’s wrong with you.”

She must have seen the worried look on my face because she reached over to pat my hand, “Don’t worry Dr. Singer is one of the best we got.  Once they’re done running your blood and all that jazz you’ll be able to tell those two off.”

I watched her leave with the vague knowledge that she never did come out and say that she didn’t believe I was a drug addict.  Laying there I cursed myself for not being able to pick up the phone and call someone, anyone.  There is a list of people that would rush right over if they knew I was here, but the main two I wanted had just left and the other one, well I couldn’t call him to say hi let alone to say come visit me in the hospital.  

As raw as Jesse’s rejection was in my mind, Missy’s reaction still hurt worse.  Jesse still cared; I could see it in his eyes.  Missy’s blue eyes were cold though when she looked at me.  I wondered briefly if she really did think I did it on purpose, but either way it didn’t matter.  For even if I had been acting or taken drugs on purpose, a true friend would care that I had reached the state that I thought the only answer was something this dramatic.  That fact that I hadn’t done it on purpose and that I wasn’t acting made it ten times worse.  At times like these I can’t help but wonder if any of it was real or was our entire friendship a farce?

Reviews

Showing 1 - 10 of 11
Next →