Thank you, I enjoy writing from prompts, they give me ideas that I might never have considered writing about. I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Short Story / Lucky
They lived right up the road, in a small green house, with a yard that was fenced in all around the property, and flowerbeds everywhere the shade trees had given a break for sun to filter in. The little house was cluttered, but very clean inside. It was cluttered with the mementos of a time gone by, old pictures on crocheted doilies, and little souvenirs everywhere.
The tiny woman who lived there had lived a full life, she had been married, and had traveled the world with her husband, but that was before, before he died in the car accident that had also taken their children. She was alone now, except for Lucy. Lucy now was her only child, her confidant, her best friend, alarm system, and exercise partner. Lucy was a ShihTzu, given to her the same year that her husband was killed.
Every day she awoke to let Lucy out into the yard while she made their breakfasts, Lucy’s a bowl of kibble, and hers whatever was in the fridge at the time. She would let Lucy back in, and dry her dew dampened feet, and play tug of war with the towel for a second, then place the bowl on it’s own placemat on the floor, and go to eat her own breakfast while Lucy busily devoured the contents of the bowl.
After she washed up the dishes and pots from the meal, she’d get dressed, and get the leash that best matched her outfit, and she and Lucy would take their daily stroll out and about. The neighbors all knew them both, and could set their watches by the trip around the block they made. When they arrived back at the house they shared, they’d go in, and rest, sometimes both on the sofa, sometimes both on the bed, depending on the day and how tired the woman was.
Lucy usually woke first, and she’d go get a drink, patrol the house for intruders, and bark at passers by if she thought they were too close to her fence. The woman would eventually wake up, stretch, and join her in looking out the windows and doors at the days’ activities going on outside.
Lunch was a sandwich, shared between the two, with a glass of milk, or maybe a cup of tea in the chillier months. Then, after Lucy went out in the yard again, and was back inside, if the woman did not have a bridge game or plans with her friends, they’d snuggle on the sofa and watch the afternoon soaps. On Friday afternoons, they both had hairdresser appointments, Lucy at Paws and Claws, and the woman at her own spot. They’d stop by the bank on those afternoons they used the car, and get Lucy a treat at the drive through window. The woman seldom needed to actually BE at the bank, but it was something Lucy and the bank tellers enjoyed, seeing Lucy in her bows and bandanna sitting and begging on the seat next to her, so she’d stop by even if it was just to get a balance amount on her account. Then it was home for them both…dinnertime…and then bed, to watch the TV till they both drifted off to sleep.
The routine for the days did not vary much if at all, it was what Lucy had grown to expect and enjoy, and the woman had nothing else pressing, so it was easy to understand why things usually centered around Lucy. She was the little old lady with the dog. Every neighborhood has one, if you pay attention. No one knew her true age, though everyone DID know Lucy’s age, and birthday. But it was obvious that she was frail and very old indeed in the wintertime, when the winds would blow from the North, and her arthritis acted up.
So, no one was surprised the day that she was found in her bed by a neighbor who had not seen Lucy out in the morning, nor the walkabout they usually shared, nor the car going out for Friday’s hair appointment. No one was surprised that Lucy refused to move from her side or the bed till they had called the coroner and the funeral home and the old woman’s body had been removed, either.
No one was at all shocked when the lawyer in charge of her affairs came, and took Lucy to his house. No one else really wanted the little dog to care for, and there was no family left to take her. So, though everyone thought she was cute, they didn’t mind that someone else had her. But that was because they did not know that upon Lucy’s natural demise whoever cared for her would inherit not only the small house and all it’s contents, but the remains of her husbands’ multi million dollar double indemnity policy.
What a lucky dog.
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azraincloud reviewed Version 1 -
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I love this story. It is very touching. You bring to life the bond between a pet and it’s owner. It is a very touching and moving story. The only thing I see is that you may want to get a little more in-depth with the owner rather than the pet. Otherwise, I loved it.
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EES reviewed Version 1 -
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Very cute story, a good read. Of course there were no surprizes, but they weren’t nessary. Good job!
Here are some things that I noticed while reading:
“They lived right” I don’t love the start. You are telling me they when you haven’t even told me who. Besides, it’s a cliche (been used a million times over).
I can picture the little house.
How about you name this “she” misses somebody or other and call her that all throug out the story.
I don’t like the wording of this: “but that was before, before he died in the car accident” – though perhaps that is just personal prefernce. I would lose the first before and continue it out from there.
of course it was a shitzu. What else for a peice like this?’
“Then, after”- either use just “then” or use “after lunch” for a better flow.
“the woman at her own spot.” why not name the spot?
“BE” the capitalization sees a bit juvinille to be. We can see that she doesn’t need to be there by the sourounding words and the character that you have already so well dipicted for us. (really, she’s real)
Joz reviewed Version 1 -
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It’s a cute short story, if that is what you are going for. It’s cute and short. Sometimes stories work fine like that. This is one of those.
Perhaps writing more about the inheritance would be more in line with the assignment?
If you wanted to make it longer I’d suggest adding in dialogue between the owner and Lucy. Let us hear their routine by the woman’s words. ”Time for our morning walk now my Lucy,” or something like that.
I noticed a few repeated words in short succession but that can be fixed by reading it aloud and hearing it for your self.
I know this woman. We all know this woman. Thanks for telling me a little about her.
slackrabbit reviewed Version 1 -
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I like the idea of writing from a prompt… as a school teacher, i often use that strategy to get the children motivated.
Just goes to show… the Americans are crazy!!! lol
Your piece is well structured and easy to read.
You have captured the essence of what would compel someone to leave their money to a pet : ” No one was surprised that Lucy refused to move from her side or the bed till they had called the coroner and the funeral home and the old woman’s body had been removed, either.”
- well done. I enjoyed reading this.
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