As clear as a puzzle
And dim as a flame,
I reach for an echo
Far out on a limb.
I hear the tree grow,
I hear from within.
It leaves you, I know
But stays till the end
It creeps in beside you
To lay and betray you
To scrape you and claw you
And tear you from you
It comes in brown packages
all tied up with string
It comes on all fours
when begging for bling
It rallies your cause
And marks its domain
But beware it can meek you and not say a thing
I see a tall castle
on a distant terrain
It stands for a truth, a love and the same
I cross the dark gauntlet
To even the score
And find that it’s you
for whom I adore
I’ll come down and see you and
feel you throughout
A night of pure pleasure we’ll have I’ve no doubt
We’ll sleep until brunch
We’ll wake and make lunch
a sacrifice there’ll be,
just call it a hunch…
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
The beginning was clear on what you were trying to say…the middle of the poem was forced…or you knew what you wanted to say but couldn’t find the words for your inner most expressions. The end of your poem was wonderful!...but I think you could have ended with a stronger word…overall, beautiful.
I liked this piece on the whole. Some parts however seem forced or drawn out. One thing I do not like is the ‘begging for bling’, there has to be a better word choice on that, it sounds so shallow and commercial. You started out strong, but like I said, parts seem forced. Almost like the same could have been said with less.
I really enjoyed this the stirrings of emotions and visualizations that came to me from reading this poem. I felt a little lost at the beginning as the descriptions of a limb and tree almost thought you were going toward the dating game of trees. Very strong rhythm.
Showing 1 - 3 of 3
Ratings & Rankings
Review item
Add to faves
