Appreciate your point of view Son of Phonz.
Poetry / My Rose
Roses in the garden wilderness
Bloom during all four seasons
As I wander through this garden viewing nature’s beauty
I am enticed even further into the colorful depths
Each flower I pass beckons to me
Reaching out to touch me with soft rouge fingers
Calling to me with pheremonal aromas
That only roses possess
I find that resistance is my only chance for survival
From an eternity of floral bliss
Among a sea of thorns
For beneath the surface of all beauty lies the potential for pain
These thoughts help me keep my distance
But distance is the only relative of closeness
And this relativity keeps me searching towards my desires
For the pollination of my pure feelings and emotions by the flower of my affection
So I choose a delicate beauty
Hoping to cultivate a love
That will grow to be more beautiful than any other natural phenomenon
But alas, hopes last only a small while longer than dreams themselves
And I am awakened from this dream
By my life force bursting forth from the bite of the wild flower
As I prick the bitter sweet thorn from my hand and taste my own pain
I experience my first taste of love
And this memory of my first experience in the wild
Has haunted my dreams
Until in another when
I found my rose again…
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Coolwip21 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I like it! I mean I can actually picture almost everything your tryin to say in the poem. You say “Each flower I pass beckons….That only roses possess.” I see you actually going through this beautiful garden and if you look at it another way a special person in your life. ”That only roses possess” I think of the most special girl in my life. She is the only one who “possess’” This..almost magic! I like it, keep on writing!
- add/view comments (1)
Son_of_Phonz reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Reasons I really dont like this poem.
1. Its emo….
2. Roses have been done, its very scrubby to write about roses. Mentioning what type of rose a girl is once is ok though.
3. You focus too much on the girl, what you want to do is focus on how you feel about her. She doesnt matter. You cant let someone sway your love because of a simple emotion you have for them. How you feel about them is how you feel about them.
terrible analogy – if she became a whore you couldnt deny your feelings for her. It would hurt because she’s not your beautiful “rose” anymore. But you couldnt deny the way you felt about her.
nelson1 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I really like what you are trying to say in this poem.
The only problem I have is that I can,t find a natural flow as some of the words,I,e verse 1 during, then later pheremonal.
I think maybe if you,trim down the wordiness, and shorten it, will flow much better
Rachel0226 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I liked this poem alot. This is a very good piece of work.
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Item Stats
GENERAL
4 Reviews 3 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
