Lyrics / Documents of Anger Purged

WOW!  I am a deep person. And this kind of thing I can appreciate. Sounds like someone who is hopelss and hurt. Yet has some form of hope for shedding the pain of a hidden existence. The mask? I am sure many can relate. Sreaming? I am sure we all have. The blindfold? I have worn one many times to keep from seeing things that I need to see, yet don’t have the courage to face. The gag in the mouth? Oh how many times I wish I could say what I am feeling yet, that too takes courage that I sometimes don’t possess. I like it a lot! I want to read more!

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November 08, 2005

by Arsyn

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
44	75.0% (4 votes)	33.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30	M	Las Vegas, NV	November 06

any time

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That was very touching my favorite bracket is “you close your eyes to escape the dark” It’s very deep and a troublesome poem full of angry thoughts to kill and demons in your mind to kill someone and be unknown it is true how when we scream we reaveal pain your poem s vivid i can feel the anger i can picture everything its hard to write like this you make everything so clear and so true because i know i feel that was sometimes and you capture it every moment every breath its very good

First paragraph “Documents of anger purged
From your heart stain your shirt” I think you meant – Documents of anger purged
From your heart to stain your shirt.?! [you wrote that in a later paragraph thats the only reason I said anything.] if not its still flows wonderfully I must say it held my attention and I had such a emotional experience from you poem.
I love the paragraph “Take off the blindfold
Spit out the gag in your mouth
Rip off the mask now
You can scream to get the sickness out
Take off your blindfold
Spit out the gag in your mouth
Rip off your masks now
Scream and get this sickness out”  

So Great!

I love the way you write I hope  to read much more from you. And  am intrigued by the idea of this put to music I hope I get to hear it in song.  

A+ work!

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November 03, 2005

by JCProckup

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	93.1% (29 votes)	23.5%

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20	F	United States	June 28

Yes, of course you could hear it. I would need an address to send it to, if that’s not asking too much, and a little time to get it recorded.

Thank you very much – I did mean “stain” in the first verse (actually, I meant it in the other one, too.) The first version had “to,” but I decided that the “documents of anger” needed to be more active – and they, the documents, are what stain the shirt, not that they are purged “to” stain it (as if that were the purpose, the stain.) Sorry, I’m just picky like that. :)

Thank you for your review, though. I appreciate it!

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this is great! at first i thought it was just another angry song that leaves you feeling worse than before you heard it (when set to music of course). but it changes. the most redeeming quility of this is that it changes. it starts out so destitute but guides you on a journey to bring you up at the end. to me it is a hopeful song and i like that a lot. it is too easy to stay in a depressive state and to want others to falldown with you. it is much harder and more rewarding to think of solutions and uplift others. i could draw a comparison to the band “TOOL” with the first album Opiate and how it was so full of anger and reprise and, later, in thier album Lateralus how they were more determined to share insights of hope and unity ie: “turn this laden grudge into gold”, “we may just go where no one’s been” and “crucify this ego before it’s far too late” to name a few… it truely takes much more talent and creativity to think of solutions than to dwell on problems.

some suggestion:

i like it as a whole, however, to change it up slightly may lead the listeners in a different direction or at least keep their attention and have them coming back for more. for instance:

the end of the second verse:
“To lose it all and go away
To end it all and go away”

could be:

“To lose it all and go astray
To end it all and go away”

the last verse where you stated you are having trouble:

is:

“Music plays a deadly sound
Pick your heart up off the ground
You don’t have to live like this
You don’t have to live like this
Angry boy, you could still win
Don’t give in, just don’t give in
The chains that hold you down could break
Any day now, any day
And you don’t have to do a thing
Just believe it, just believe”

could be:

“Music plays a deadly sound
Pick your heart up off the ground
You don’t have to live like this (this way)
You don’t have to die this way (like this)
Angry boy, you could steel away
Don’t give in, just don’t give in
The chains that bind could break away
Any day now, any day
A lack of Faith is why you grieve
Just believe it, just believe”

Love the feeling. ”...reddened, crimson, browned…” Those colors mesh so perfectly for the song. Have to commend that. Very musterious, though, can’t really tell who’s point of view it might be from. But that can be a good thing, definetly.

this is a bit choppy, but with a little more tightening up and subtracting of some fillers i.e. “in”,”the”,”they” and instead of “you don’t have to” replace it with “no need to” would help the flow a little better.
the meter is a bit off (it raps then flows) a 4 count measure might work best to keep it intact

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October 28, 2005

by JCProckup

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
52	93.1% (29 votes)	23.5%

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20	F	United States	June 28

Wow, thanks a lot, Arsyn! I didn’t think of that at all (but always wondered why it never really worked…) Thanks! I appreciate your thoughts.

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I do believe this is one of the best pieces of work I’ve read in the lyrics section. I find myself connecting to it on many different levels and the lyrics really get to me. I’m a little tired right now so It’s hard for me to type what I’m feeling since I read that but you really need to keep up the writing. If this ever becomes a song, I know it will be one of my favorites.