Poetry / Untitled

I do get a sense of fear and pain.  I’m glad that you were able to convey what seems to be a horrible act of abuse.  I greatly sympathized with the receiving of the heat/pain from the act and I can tell that the narrator did as well.  The act of distrubing the peace is sinister.  Although short, the piece provides only but a glimpse into the life of this cherub face and the suffering it goes through.  The piece also provides a sense of “smallness.”  That is to say, on a piece of paper, it refects the emotion of the character small, alone, and insignificant to the universe.  I don’t mean to sound rude or anything by that, and since the character has a cherub face, I get a sense of holiness and connection to God.  Thanks for sharing.  :)

The funny thing about poetry is that there are vast shifts in end products based on who the intended reader is.  This poem, which i’d consider to be Therapeutic Poetry follows a lot of conventions that make this kind of writing a healthy practice.  You can put your fears, anger, “profound shame” down in words and on the anonymous forum of the internet, seek (and find) support from people who are or have been in similar situations.  Personally, I’ve always felt that addressing the person or people who do this kind of thing is the most effective way of getting past it and moving on in life.

The other thing about therapeutic poetry, though, is that because it’s so personal, and because it gains by telling the reader how you feel, instead of letting them see you circumstances and derive your emotions for themselves, it loses a lot of its power to draw sympathy from those who aren’t familiar with your situation.  It reads more like a blog than a poem, and that makes it difficult to leave a lasting impression on your reader.  Clearly that wasn’t the purpose of your poem here, but I think it can be.  Instead of writing about yourself in this situation, try writing a poem about yourself, at your current age, finding out about another child in this situation and taking action to save him or her.  Use action words and details, and it’ll not only help you explore the roles of some of the other players in this story, but also help you conquer your past, and make for a better poem for a general audience.  By retelling the same story from several different perspectives (the silent mom who knows but doesn’t intervene, the suspicious teacher, etc.) you’ll end up doing a lot more for yourself and your readers.  Sorry you had to go through this.

Butterat Zool.

what is here? Nothing to the nekade eye and the depth isn’t allowed its due by the completely uttered way of the poem. When you find a meaning, a true meaning and inspiration for a poem, it should take off the page and have so many lines and twists and turns you spin most of your time trimming it down. I can find enjoyment in short poems, but only if they are short. This is a long poem amputated at all its limbs. I am not trying to bash you. writing is writing. you did good.