Poetry / Dear John (for Keats)
We keep getting introduced at parties
because our friends think
we’d be perfect for each other.
So here you are again.
You search my eyes for a reflection of yourself.
Frankly, you swagger.
You walk into the room.
You contemplate the fruit.
It’s fine that you’ve forgotten my name
every time we’ve met.
The first one on the balcony
when you watched me smoke a cigarette
and I proposed the death of consonants.
Tears gathered in your eyes,
your lip trembled and I
can’t remember anything you said.
Or another time when I was so drunk
I almost broke our host’s vase
and you thought me modern and rude.
I told you how cell phones
are changing the birds’ songs
and soon they’ll all be singing
monophonic versions of “Ode to Joy.”
There was a mourning dove
kept cooing and I spoke of misery, said
“Somebody shoot that thing.”
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Oh wow. This really blew me away. I’ll be honest in that I don’t know much about Keats—have more of a hate than a love/hate relationship with him. So I was a litle relunctant to read this.
I really like this framework you’ve used to tell this story. I adore the simplicity in your language and pacing. I love the juxtaposition of someone being moved to tears yet being unable to remember the person’s name. Loved the contextualisation of the mobile phones.
One quick suggestion: the second and third last lines read like there’s a word missing between ‘dove’ and ‘kept’ – maybe want to look at that?
Thanks so much. I really enjoyed reading this. I’m going to check out your other stuff now.
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I like it. the first stanza is intriguing and the concept of writing to john keats is a neat idea. nice.
November 09, 2005
Deleted User
I really like the way you’ve drawn the characters in short amount of time. The comment on technology e.g. the monophonic versions of Ode to Joy – was great, that was the best piece of the poem for me because it had spark and it felt you had struck on something original. It was very Chuck Palaniuck.
the poem flows really well until the last two stanzas. the quirky humor, the unique insights, and the tone and voice all add very well to the poem.
there seems a grammar error in the last stanza. and had problems with the quotes. these attempts at humor seems misplaced and a bit over the top in contrast to the rest of the poem.
i also am having a hard time figuring out what it is that you want to say. the poem, in that way, feels unfinished.
You have a very unique writing sense. I love poetry that reads like a story. You’ve got a lot of talent, better than most- I can’t wait to read more of your work.
This piece is very interesting to me. On one hand it seems very present tense about some guy you’ve met, on the other hand you titled it “Dear John (keats)” which makes me think about the poet. Which almost paints a past vs. present picture and the differences there. So I really like that it seems to have almost 2 hidden meanings. A lot of great little lines…like the ones about the birds soon to be singing the songs of cell phones, tying into the last stanza…a really great last image to leave your audience with.
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