Poetry / I-15

what’s the good of knowing now
something you never wanted to hear
and what’s the point of knowing she’s safe
but knowing she’s nowhere near

what’s the good of knowing now
that you’re the one who sent her away
and what’s the point of knowing she cared
when she never knew you loved her anyway

what’s the good of knowing now
that you never said goodbye
and what’s the point of knowing she left
with anger towards you for making her cry

i guess  it’s good for her to know
that i will always miss you
and this i missed my chance to say
Tiff, i love you too

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
Inspired avatar General Stranger

March 09, 2006

Inspired

personal info reviewer stats
Inspired reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This is a good piece. It flows well in most places. Here’s a suggestion that might make the flow more complete in the first stanza:

“but knowing that she’s nowhere near”

And in the last stanza, this is a bit iffy:
“I guess it’s good for her to know
that i will always miss you

That feels like you are talking about two different people, when I’m sure you are referencing only one.

And the line before the very last is kind of off:
“And this(maybe that instead?) i missed my chance to say”

I did rather enjoy this piece. Thanks for sharing :)

Showing 1 - 1 of 1

Creator
woundedspirit333 avatar

woundedspirit333

Age: 23
Loc: Denton, MD
Gen: F
Last Login: March 15
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

1 Review 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: about 1 year ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings