Poetry / I-24

from ugliness comes beauty
from destruction we are one
from pain we will find strength
from death it’s just begun

it’s the rainbow after the storm
it’s the smile from the tears
it’s the butterfly from the worm
it’s the calm after the fear

when things are at their worst
when no light is shining through
when the world is turning upside-down
i’ll be there with you

and when i find i’m lost
and when the path becomes unclear
and when i need love’s touch
touch me, so i’ll know you’re near

your memory is strong
it’s thriving deep inside of me
and here i lay you down to rest
with my love to keep you company

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clliedekev avatar General Stranger

March 09, 2006

clliedekev

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clliedekev reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I think your works is strong and I always am attracted to the layout. I do have a few general suggestions for this work and for most of your work in general. One of the great pieces of advice one of my poet mentors gave me was to always include “things� in the poem, to keep there reader attached to the piece. This person called them blue buicks – these things are very specific items such as a piece of furniture, a type of tree. If you remove a lot of the generalizations from this piece (butterfly – maybe use a type, rainbow, pain, death, smile). Adding some of these could really turn the piece around.

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woundedspirit333 avatar

woundedspirit333

Age: 23
Loc: Denton, MD
Gen: F
Last Login: March 15
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