thanks so much, I’ll post a new version up soon, and chapter 1.
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Nothing and Nothingness Intro
I stared at the vast collection of nothingness that stood before me. Nothingness that was not light, nor was it dark. Not white or black. It was not invisible, but it could not be seen. It surrounded me, but did not engulf me quite yet. The very thing I feared was all around, in front of me, in back of me, to the right and the left of me. Of course, direction had become useless. I took a step forward, It plunged through the air. It had become more clever, and found a way to manipulate humans like myself. I knew that it would be rough from here on out. Humanity was outnumbered, obviously. And then again, how do you fight something that cannot be penetrated? How do you fight something that isn't there? How do you fight nothing?
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FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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Weaver reviewed Version 1 -
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“collection of nothingness” – “Collection” doesn’t seem like the right word here. How can you have a collection made of a single thing?
“I took a step forward, It plunged through the air.” – semicolon or period, not comma, after “forward” – don’t capitalize “it” unless you’re starting a new sentence (since you’ve not capitalized that word when referring to the nothingness elsewhere)
“it would be rough” – a bit too colloquial for the rest of the narration
Outnumbered? By a single thing? Maybe a different word would work better.
The idea/description could use a bit of fleshing out. Don’t be afraid of revealing more of the setting, plot, characters, whatever. It’s not giving the story away; it’s giving the reader enough of the story that they’ll be interested in reading more.
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Ajax_Skreitzche reviewed Version 1 -
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i get the intention.
as an introductory moment it will work, but its too short to call it scifi or anything else. it reads a big slow, repetative. needs to be tightened and expanded. people will want to know what it is, this “nothing”.
what is the tension, why the problem, where and why did this fight begin, where did this nothing come from, where is it going and why… how can humans fight, why would they, are they already at war, do other humans know of this entities existence, what are the conflicts???
you would be well served by addressing some if not all of these issues.
as per, did a quit edit as example.
peace, hope the comments help.
......
I stared at the vast nothingness before me.
A nothingness that was neither light nor dark. Not white or black.
It was not invisible, but it could not be seen.
Surrounding me, but not engulfing me, the very thing I feared most was all around…in front, in back, to the right and left of me.
Of course, direction had become useless, but i took a step in what i thought must be forward. It reacted, plunging through the air, beyond reach. It had become more clever. it was learning. It had found a way to manipulate humans, like myself.
Humanity was outnumbered and out classed… Obviously! I knew that it would be a lot rougher from here on out. We… I would have to fight.
But, how to battle something that couldn’t be touched?...something impenetrable? How do you fight what isn’t there?...combat what doesn’t exist?
How does one defeat Nothing?
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