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Novel Treatments / Chapter 32 A Tentative Restart (Analysis)
Chapter 32 A Tentative Restart
Isn’t it interesting how we both remember the phone call? The details differ, but the main points are there in both recollections.
When I hung up I just stood in the phone booth staring at the phone for at least ten minutes. I only left then because another student wanted to use the it. I walked back to my room, stretched out on my bed, and looked at the cracks in the ceiling. In my mind I replayed the conversation over and over. A hundred times I wished I had said something different. I found myself astonished that I had said she could date for the rest of the summer. How could I agree to that? Should I call and tell her I’d changed my mind? I fell asleep and my dreams were not pleasant.
I woke up about 2:00 AM and didn’t sleep the rest of the night. I didn’t see how I could make it through the eight weeks left before school started. Then I remembered the vacation her family was planning. She had told me they were going to drive to Oklahoma and then on to Washington DC to visit her sister. Then they would even drive back by way of my home. That meant she only would be in California another two weeks or so. Two weeks I could handle.
Donna wrote on the 23rd at 8:45 PM some three hours after I'd called. There is a very definite change in the tone of her letters for the rest of the summer and it starts here. It was a love letter. She starts by saying she loves me and wants to marry me. (The first time she'd mentioned marriage in three weeks I think.) She hopes I'm as happy as she is. (Not bloody likely.) She said she had felt they was a big hammer ready to drop on her world and smash it, but now the hammer is gone and she feels secure again. (Yeah, I had the hammer now) She calls it all a growing pain and says we'll sit down some day and talk it all over. She says she doesn't know about their vacation and that her mother doesn't want her to stay at Maxine's house and then come visit me. Mother wants her home. (I doubt that surprised me.) She finishes by saying she had made up her mind a long time ago to come back to Valpo but she couldn't tell me because there was still that doubt - and her family to consider. She repeats that she has decided, but now she has to get her father to accept that decision.
I admit that the last part confused me since just ten days before she had said she was not coming back to Valpo. That didn't tie in with her "I made up my mind a long time ago" part, but otherwise it was a letter I was glad to get. No rants, no wild emotion swings, and she loved me. I should point out that I believed her, never did I doubt her love for me, but she almost put too much trust into my love for her.
I wrote to Donna the next morning, the 24th, while waiting for my dad to get there to take me home. I'll quote a part. "---I couldn't write last night baby. When I was done talking to you I felt so relieved I just sat down and shook. You know I don't want you to go out, but I said I'd give you the rest of the summer and I meant it. I do take the rest of the summer to mean until August 3rd and that isn't a bad trade. I give you ten days and you give me the rest of your life."
As I mentioned before, I was assuming the family vacation would be the one they originally planned. Am I being paranoid if I think her parents changed their plans so she'd be back in California for another month before school started?
A couple loose ends to tie up regarding her letter ending our engagement. She said she put off telling me because of my finals. I know that is part rationalization because she twice before mentioned tossing away letters because she couldn't make them read right. Still, all other things considered, I'm glad she did wait. Seeing the effect it had on me I would likely have crashed and burned if she'd told me a week sooner. As it was, for the only time in our college career, I got better grades than she did. Donna got two Cs and I got two Bs. I'm still not sure why I didn't get an A in the speech class.
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I agree with Joe that it is interesting how we each remember the call. His comment about me and promises still hurts today, some 47 years later. I was so immature.
Anyway, I do remember that I stood holding the phone after Joe hung up. I became aware that Mother was standing in the doorway. I hung up and walked right past her. She started to say something but I didn’t stop or turn. I went back to the pool. Everyone looked at me and for maybe thirty seconds no one spoke. Then I said, “I would like for all of you to leave now. I need to be by myself for a while.”
Gale came to me and asked in a quiet voice so the guys would not hear, “Did he break it off?”
I shook my head and said, “No. Call me later tonight and we can talk about it.” She nodded and left with Jeff.
Allen hung back and after the other two were gone said, “Are we still going out Friday?”
I looked at him and was about to say no when I saw Mother watching us. “Yes, but we do need to talk before then. Can you meet me for lunch tomorrow?”
He said he could, and then he left.
I went back into the house, again ignoring Mother, and went to my room. I sat on my bed and tried to put everything together. I knew I loved Joe and I did want to marry him, or at least part of me did. There was another part of me that was saying “What’s the rush? You are young, enjoy life, marry later.”
I knew Joe loved me, and as I thought about what he had just done I realized I likely couldn’t have done it. I’m sure my temper would have gotten in the way. Now I needed to decide what I was going to do, and right then I didn’t have a clue. I talked to Gale later that night and she wasn’t surprised Joe said I could date. She said from what I’d told her about him she had been pretty sure he would not end our relationship. She also said we were going to take advantage of Joe’s offer. At the time I didn’t know what she meant.
My lunch with Allen the next day went better than I’d expected, and did have one surprise. I told Allen I was going back to Joe so there was no future to our relationship. He asked if I would still go out with him until I went back to school and I said I would. He than said that was fine because he was not looking for a serious involvement anyway. However, and this was the surprise, he would like to have sex with me before the end of summer. The look on my face made him laugh, and he said we would drop the subject for now.
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Wade, the word phone is used so much in the first paragraph. Maybe you could take it out or rephrase. You could say, i stood in the booth staring at the phone…something like this.
I enjoyed this excerpt very much. It was well expressed and i can feel the pain in it. I liked Donna’s take and the sex thing—well i can’t see her doing it. But i will tune in to see the outcome. Good job, Sandi
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