Poetry / Useless Junk
There is no point in keeping broken promises.
I know that now.
Yet I continue to shove them into my pockets,
Like stolen diamonds and gold lockets.
I stuff and I shove these broken promises,
Until there was no room for much else...
Then I began to wonder,
As I stood pockets bulging,
Where are all the kept promises?
Why have I failed to keep my kept promises?
An epiphany overwhelms me.
Rapidly I begin to empty my pockets,
Hoping to find at least one promise kept,
Only to find rusted junk scattered beneath me.
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I like the general message of the poem. The image of stuffing pockets full of broken promises is good. The simile of stolen gold and diamonds is vivid.
Needs work:
“Yet, I continue” -yet does nothing, continue is too passive.
“for much else” -why not nothing else, what else are you putting in these metaphorical pockets?
“I wondered with bulging pockets,” -clearer
Asking questions in poetry can be effective in rare cases, here it didn’t work for me. especially made confusing by the inherant clarity problems with keeping something that is “kept”
“Rapidly” – a lazy adverb for a passive verb “begin”
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