Short Story / Spider's web (Analysis)

I like the construction of this story.  The simple plot points can be read a number of ways.  There is also a good aesthetic that keeps the reader grounded, however there are also missed opportunities.  The biggest improvement that can be made for this story is to get out of the old man’s head.  The explicit stating of thoughts and feelings doesn’t work here.  The entire story can be told by actions and setting.  It’s already good, you should take steps to make it great.

Here are some critical notes:

(to say that he had seen everything in his travels would have been an understatement)
This is an awkward and dishonest way to qualify his experience.

(It was not surprising  then that when he spied a spider’s web on the side mirror of his rig, he paid it very little notice.)
The implication of the sentence is that due to his experience, he didn’t pay attention to the spider web.  Even individuals of extremely limited experience have encountered spiderwebs.

The rustic quality of a spiderweb blowing away after a few miles is a great visual.

(After many miles that day, he stopped for the night)
“After many miles that day” is an unnecessary transition.  When you mention night there is already the indication that a period of driving has elapsed.  If you indicate time, or the suns position before hand and then mention nightfall the reader will have an even more acute sense of said distance.

(Just as he had predicted, the web was gone.)
You don’t need to reiterate the prediction that occurred three sentences ago.  ”The web was gone,” is sufficient.

(Exhausted by the day’s voyage)
Cut “by the day’s voyage” as the reason for his exhaustion is already implied by his occupation.

(the trucker entered into a gentle night’s sleep)
There are a lack of visuals here.  He stopped for the night, but where did he stop?  Rest stop?  Side of the highway?  Play on your rustic aesthetic.  Did he hunker down into the truck seat?  If so what did the seat sound like? Smell like?  In short, it is good but it needs more tying the reader to the reality of the character.

(He pondered: “ Could this web have been made by the same spider? That’s not possible!” he concluded; the wind around the mirror would have quickly blown away the tiny body of a spider.)
There are no people present, so there is no need for dialog or quotations, or even access into his mind.  So far the strength of the work is that the actions tell the story.  Here, the actions and setting need to continue telling the story.  What actions do you think would convey what you’ve put into quotations?  There are quite a few that will work with a greater degree of subtly.  Don’t get lazy and explicitly state what the character is thinking.

(The hours and miles swiftly passed until it was time to stop again.)
Again, the transition influences the flow.  An easy fix is mentioning the morning sun and the nightfall stop and everything between will be implied.

(He looked closely …couple days.)
In the following paragraph watch the needless insertion of perspective.  Don’t state what the character is thinking or feeling.  Intrigued, ingenuity, audacity, and amazement don’t have visuals they’re just telling.

Looking on there is much of the same.  The endearing quality you’re going for will be more evident if you can stay out of the old man’s head.

It was a refreshingly unusual story. I was hooked on it from the beginning, even though it was, what seemed initially a rather unconventional story to be told. I found it moving, even though there is no dialogue I thought you managed to convey the character of the driver very well. I thought the twist at the end was moving and effective. That the driver felt compassion for the little spider, but the spider still stung him.

It’s a good clear story. My personal critique – but this is more to do with my personal taste, is that I would have liked more description. I would have liked a bit more depth in it, but other than that I think it is a nice piece regardless.  

Well written, good imagery, good character development. I actually began to admire the spider, which is feat-I hate spiders. I can’t see any technical errors, but the ending was rather abrupt and somewhat shocking. kind of deus ex machina, at first glance. I understand the driver was a obstacle to this ingenutive little spider, but it you expect the driver to learn a lesson from the spider, not so much just die at the end.

That was a charming little story you gave us there. However, I think it could be better if you try not to repeat the same word too often.  For example the words crack and spider in the first couple pages.  For spider you could use words like “eight-legged assassin” “Arachnid” “Little fellow” or whatever else would better fit the tone of your story and the voice you write it in.  

The end confuses me because I looked back and couldn’t even find a reference to their being no web before the accident or when the investigators first came so I don’t get how the rescuer would be amazed over the time frame in which a new web was built if he had not seen one there earlier.  You know what I’m saying.  

I did enjoy your story! I do think the beginning needs a little more work—a bit more vivid imagery. It might help us to get into the character more if you gave him a name, but its not 100 percent necessary to this type of story.
Once we get past the opening paragraphs, the writing shines up and becomes much more flowing and decriptive.
The writing style works very well for me. I did find the ending a little bit predictable—but throwing the emergercy worker in there spying the same spider and thinking the same thoughts, did add some depth.
I think its a good story, but I would like to see a little more of the man, his life, and why he might have other connections (events, emotions, past deeds, etc) with the spider.
Also--and please don’t hate me for this--but my son is an animal biologist. It might be helpful to take a look at the habits of the few poisonous spiders in the US. (four species). The black and brown widows spin a web, but without much shape or form. This is usually in a secluded, dark location,and probably would not be blowing on the wind on a truck mirror. Brown widows are not as poisonous as their black cousins and bites do not cause death. And the others--the Brown Recluse--does not spin a web at all to catch prey. The Hobo spider is poisonous, but only mildly and will not cause death from a bite. (I would have put links but Urbis does not allow, so forgive me, but I am hoping to help).
You write well!
I saw no flaw at all in your writing, style, word usage, etc.

over all i think that it was fairly good storyhowever, at the beginning when it says “paided” it should be paid

also, you use the words “trucker” and “truck” too often, and you might want to use some more varied vocabulary. the same for the word “crack”

This short story is very interesting. The entire plot of the spider was well thought out.

         As the old man watched the spider, it slowly began to drag its     prey,centimeter by centimeter, closer and closer to the safety of the crack. He was filled with awe by the spider’s determination. Finally, he sighed a sigh of relief as the spider successfully returned to the crack with its prize.

This section of the short story fills the reader with determination. What I am getting from this section is that no matter what life throws at you, as long as you are determined, you will reach your goals. I feel that the short story is a great read and inspiration to many.

At the end of the read, I too was surprised that the spider survived and was able to make another web.

I would add on a little more detail as to why the spider survived. I’d say something like “The morale of this story is that if your determined, like the spider, you can acheive anything in life. Something that closes the story off. If that is the author’s plans. If not, I feel that with the way the story ended, it’s making the reader expect that there should be more.

I really liked the determination of the spider and the curiousity of the old man in trying to figure it out. It was sweet in the way the old man was trying to protect and look out for the spider and ironic in that it was to be his demise.  I think you need more description. It feels like for the first three pages the story is being told in a void.  I want more sounds and description of scenery. When you mention the “hills” and the screeching of the brakes I was put into a setting. THis was good and I wanted that earlier so I could put a mental picture in my mind.  Overall, entertaining. Ending I didn’t like much. It’s too big for such a small story. Didn’t seem to fit.  

The story was cute and sad. I love how you made the spider bite the old man, which made the story sad. Their were some missing words. Make sure you double check your writings before posting or submitting somewhere, because missing words can confuse your readers.

The old man had been driving truck for over twenty years; to say that he had seen everything in his travels would have been an understatement, so when he spied the spiders web on the side mirror of his rig he paided just a passing notice to it. – this sentence is too long (run-on) and paided should be paid

This was an interesting story.  There could almost be a moral behind it.  It flowed well and each paragraph was tightly knit with those around it. Good job.