That obvious? I sometimes think I should write Chris Carter and thank him for the inspiration.
Glad you enjoyed it! I have a new story out, “Tristan and the Grove”. I’d appreciate a read and review. Thanks Kate
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Hide in Plain Sight Part 3
The restaurant was quiet and the lights dim. Sara and Mulder had a booth in the corner and no neighbors, and the food was better than good, something unexpected in a town so small. They ordered a bottle of wine and spent their time talking about each other, feeling the other out. They resisted a second bottle, but ordered heated cognacs that they slowly sipped, each waiting for the other to bring up the subject of the disappearances.
“Okay,” he said, “Now that we’ve eaten, it’s time for the hard questions.”
”There’s not much more I can tell you,” Sara shrugged her shoulders, “I’ve tried to check records and old newspapers, but I’m not finding what I need. All I’ve found is your usual birth and death records, and old photos of what the town looked like. The usual stories of cave-ins, of course. They’ve been mining here since 1863—but I don’t think the Victorians were big on talking about UFO’s. I find info about vanishings from that era, but it’s hard to come by.
My best sources have been Cold War era newspapers. If you sift through the sensationalism, you can find facts. That’s how I learned about the majority of disappearances. They stopped mining around 1960 or so, but people keep disappearing. “
“It’s happened to me before, you know, encounters with the lights in the woods. It’s not exactly pleasant but it hasn’t been life threatening. I’ve never seen the craft close up, only at a distance. I think other people have seen them too, though I haven’t found anyone willing to talk about it. I keep hoping I’ll find someone else in the woods, looking for answers just like me. But you’re the first person I’ve seen who actually seems to be looking for something,” she finished. She looked up at him, “That’s not much to go on; I wish I could offer you more.
”“I’m not the only one who visits the town site. It’s likely to be on the historic register soon and it’s in some of the rail trails hiking books. This place is kind of hard to find and it takes a bit of trouble to get here. Nevertheless, I do run into people, just not many. The locals don’t hang around much, except for kids who are out partying. A few of the missing have been adolescents, but not all of them. I’ve checked old records to see who went missing, but they haven’t yielded much information,” she added almost to herself.
“You know the other thing I wonder,” she said, “Is whether or not something was disturbed down there that should have been left alone. I don’t know if I believe in such things, but this mine seemed to have more than its share of cave-ins. I know the miners’ weren’t glad to lose their income, but I wonder if it was a blessing when they shut it down
“Are you sure there’s no way to get in?” Mulder looked at her quizzically.
“No,” she shook her head, “No way. The shaft supposedly goes down about 1300 feet—it was dug that deep so that they could mine 500 feet below sea level. And it’s covered for a reason—if you could even get down, there’s no guarantee that you could get back up. And these mine shafts are dangerous. There’s a lot of ground water here because the water table is so high. All those rivers, and a lot of underground springs. A lot of those shafts are filled with water and a misstep could get you drowned. And who would know how and where to find you? No, you can’t get in and it’s better that you don’t."
He considered this for a moment. “So that would also go for any abandoned shafts that haven’t been found?”
Sara took a long drink of her cognac, as if she wanted to avoid answering the question. “Unless someone has some very sophisticated pumping equipment and has been able to get it there without anyone knowing—which would be just a little hard. And I don’t know just how many shafts were drug. I know it’s possible there could be several. They pretty much knew where the coal was. If a tree is uprooted in certain spots here it exposes a coal seam. This wasn’t the largest of mines, but the amount of coal made it worth it.” She paused, thoughtful, “They sank the pit and found out that they’d have to go deeper to get as much they wanted, so they abandoned the pit and sunk the shaft. It’s not unlikely this area may be honeycombed with tunnels from the mine. Have you seen the slag heap outside town? That’s from the old mine.”
Mulder took her hand in his and kissed her fingers, looking at the green eyes he could get lost in. “You know a lot about this place, don’t you?”
Sara shook her head, “No, not a lot, not a whole lot anyway. I’ve done some research, and like I said some trail books mention it as a point of interest. And I’ve done some exploring at other sights. I was on my way to the cemetery today, with the idea of clearing some of the grave sites up and taking a few more photographs—not that I don’t already have enough. I keep being drawn back there for some reason.” She paused for a moment, “Maybe I went there today to meet you, I don’t know.”
He shook the hand he was holding. “Maybe you did. Maybe I was supposed to meet you there. But Sara, one thing has me really worried and I don’t like it. The UFO’s that you see—maybe they’re harmless but maybe they’re not. The things you’ve told me have me worried—the disappearances, the light flashes, the craft flying over your house. They don’t add up to anything good. Maybe it’s just a matter of time before something happens to you.”
”Nothing will happen to me,” she said fiercely, “I’m not careless and I’m not some fragile doll.”
Mulder changed tactics. “Now let’s talk about less scary things, like you coming back to my motel so I can do those unspeakable things to you.”
“No, my house,” she countered, “So tomorrow morning I can cook breakfast and show you what a good cook I am.”
“Sara,” his voice had a tone of warning to it, “I really think we should go to my motel.” But he knew he was going to give in and wished that he wouldn’t.
“Come on…Fox,” she said, deliberately using his first name, “What do you think is going to happen? Do you think I’m going to be abducted?” There was a teasing tone in her voice.
“Don’t say that, don’t even think that,” he replied. He signaled the waiter and gave him his credit card. “Okay, you win, your place it is. Your bed is probably more comfortable.” “But I wish we’d go to my motel,” he thought.
Mulder signed the voucher and they left the restaurant, she still limping a little and leaning on him. In the car he took her into his arms; eager for the feel of her, the scent of her perfume, her silky hair against his cheek. “Sara, lovely Sara,” he whispered to her, “Do you know what you’ve done to me?” She pulled away from him slightly and her green eyes stared into his darker ones. She found his lips and the taste of her was sweeter than he’d dared imagined.
“Hmm,” he said and turned on the ignition. She smiled at him, widening her eyes. He put his hand on her thigh as he drove back to her house, and she leaned against his arm, resting her head on it, rubbing her cheek against his sleeve. “I want you,” he thought, “I want you so badly that it scares me. This is too good, too perfect, so therefore it cannot possibly be real, can it?”
In the darkness of her bedroom, again, it was she who took him into her arms, and sought his mouth with a fierceness that surprised him. Alone, in the quiet darkness of her room, they lay together in the afterglow, he stroking her gently, wondering at the curves of her body, her skin soft and smooth as satin. “If it’s possible to love you this soon, I think I love you,” he thought, “And I don’t even know how it happened. .I think I have at last found happiness. Or my share of it.” As he held her against him, sleep began to come and fearful, he tried to fight it. At last he could fight it no more, and lulled by the sound of her breathing, he drifted off.
It started as a dream, a nightmare, really. He was back in his parents house again and he saw the bright light coming in the window, but now he knew what was coming and he tried to cry out, “Samantha, watch out, they’re coming to get you…run!” But he could not speak and the words stuck in his throat. He could only stare in horror as the light seemed to come closer and closer…
And suddenly he woke, and saw the same light coming in through the window. He was experiencing a familiar paralyzing fear as he watched the light grow brighter and brighter. Suddenly the house started to shake violently, dishes rattling in cupboards, bookshelves shaking, the computer monitor dancing on the top of the desk. He wanted to escape from the bed, grab Sara and run, get as far away from this place as he could, but he could not move.
The light was so bright that it seemed to be just outside the window. So bright that it threatened to blind him, and he could not raise his hands to shield himself against it. And it seemed to grow bright beyond possibility and he knew for a certainty that it would blind him, and the last thing he would see would be Sara, levitated like his sister, floating through a closed window.
And just before he lost consciousness he saw just precisely that.
She was floating on top of the bed, mouth open in a grotesque and silent scream. He wanted to move, tried to move, but his muscles were locked in a paralysis and he could not even move his head. “NO NO NO NO NO--it can’t be happening again!” He would have screamed but he had no voice. She floated up and out of his reach and just before she reached the window he fell into a blessed unconsciousness and knew no more.
When he came to, he was lying on the bed. He jumped up, “Sara,” he yelled, then again “Sara” more loudly. He and ran through the house, checking each room, the bathroom. “Sara,” he yelled again, and voice took on a tinge of hysteria. “Damn you, answer me!” But he knew there would be no answer.
He grabbed his jeans and put them on, then opened the door and ran out to his car. He took his flashlight out of the glove compartment and ran around to the back yard. He swept the flashlight back and forth, then knelt down, examining the grass more closely. He ran his hand over the grass, and it felt scorched beneath his fingers, despite the rain earlier in the day. “No,” he moaned, and put his head on the ground and pounded his fist.
He ran inside the house and began shoving around the kitchen chairs, pushing the table violently against the wall. The cats crouched at the doorway to the bedroom but would not go in. “What’s the matter with you?” he asked them, “Why won’t you go in?”
He went into the bedroom and to the bed they had shared just a short time before. He could smell her scent in the sheets and he inhaled deeply. He slammed his hand against the wall, and though it pained him he did it again. The tears came to his eyes and he wept and stared out the window.
He found his jacket and pulled his phone out of the pocket. He clicked it on and was about to start dialing when the computer beeped and the monitor clicked and made a popping sound. Unaware of his actions, he turned off his phone, watching in horrified fascination as the computer screen turned on and suddenly letters started appearing.
“HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME.” Over and over and over again as it filled the screen. He walked over there, as if in a trance, and watched the letters run across the screen. He reached a finger out to the monitor, but was afraid to touch it, afraid that if he did the image on the screen would dissolve. At last the image faded away and the screen went blank. He looked down and saw that the computer was not turned on.
He clicked the button of his phone again, and then dialed the number. “Hello Scully, it’s me. Sorry about the hour, but Scully…” his voice choked and he had to swallow and take a deep breath before continuing. “They got her Scully, just like they got my sister. She’s gone Scully, vanished without a trace.”
He listened for a while, and took a deep breath. “No Scully, I know what I’m talking about. We had two encounters this afternoon—I should have known this was coming. Scully it was just like before, the paralysis, I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t do anything to help her, like I couldn’t do anything to help my sister. And all the talk I gave her about being careful to lock her door, it didn’t do any good.”
“You have to come out here Scully, now. I’m staying at her house. She has photographs, she’s even turned a group of them into a screensaver. I’m going to have to go through her computer files to see if I can find something helpful. Of course I’m going to start tonight—I can’t sleep, can I ever sleep? They’ve murdered my sleep.”
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Convicted reviewed Version 2 -
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Overall I found this piece to be pretty good. It has definitely captured the spirit of the show but not quite the essence … not yet. Several brief criteques then the edits. Sara’s conversation with Mulder in the diner could be better if broken up. The first part of this piece lagged though understandably as you are setting up the events to come. However, through both language and content, it wasn’t until the abuduction that I felt the essence of the show come through. Lastly, the conversation via the phone between Mulder and Scully, you have him saying ‘Scully’ far too much. I would use it once, maybe twice.
This was good. Could be better with a redraft. Definitely keep writing!
The restaurant was quiet and the lights dim. Sara and Mulder had a booth in the corner and no neighbors, and the food was better than good, something unexpected in a town so small. (4 ands in the first part of this chapter. Sets the reader up for a very long and/or tedious read. I would suggest breaking up the run-on sentence as well as deviating from ‘and’.)
The things you’ve told me have me worried (have should be has)
The light was so bright that it seemed to be just outside the window. So bright that it threatened to blind him, and he could not raise his hands to shield himself against it (Break this up into two seperate statements)
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FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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OH FANFICTION..now it makes sense. You know what this is so far better than the new movie…it’s more scifi and to me connected to the show. Theres much to sit here and point out your flaws. You handle everything well from the dialog, to his inside thoughts, and you capture his attitude just like from the tv show. I’m glad you build up to the big scene but also took time to introduce your characters and the setting but without neglecting to toss bits of scifi in.
TerJa reviewed Version 1 -
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Well now, the writing is good, in particular the dialogue. It mostly sounds like real conversation. Since I haven’t read the first part it was a bit jarring when it suddenly turned romantic, but it still worked.
The general situation is a bit vague since all I really know is that Mulder is in an old mining town and that people have been going missing. Also that Sara has been investigating and she has now been taken too.
It is interesting enough that when I get a chance I’ll look up the first two sections and send any comment by email so you don;t have to pay for them.
Oh, the bit with the computer at the end isn’t very clear, it needs some work.
Keep writing
Stillicide reviewed Version 1 -
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I definitely think your love for the show came through in your writing. It was enjoyable and the characters fit the ones in the show closely enough to not distract the reader.
Good Luck and I hope you keep writing!
kimberlylovesjohn reviewed Version 1 -
Read 88% of the Item
Wow what a wonderful piece this is. I’ve read a lot of writing on here and this is by far the best. Keep on writing.
Mattleejenkins reviewed Version 1 -
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This is great. I love how you dropped all of the action at the end. It hit me like a lightning bolt. Its a great story, I just wish i could have heard scully’s side of the conversation on the phone.
slbynum3 reviewed Version 1 -
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This story is developing nicely. I don’t know what TV show this is from--Star Trek? Battlestar Galactica? Roswell?-- but I’ve never heard of anything like this. It’s good.
I think the only times you mention the character’s names are in quotation marks. You use either ‘he’ or ‘she’ most of the time. I would like to see their names sometimes.
“He and ran” either something is missing after ‘he’ or you should delete ‘and’
Great cliffhanger ending. I’m anxious to find out what happens next.
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