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Poetry / Buried Letter
Love is evanescent
Like a misty rain
A bitter memory
Rips open in pain
Glittery sands
Glisten on the beach
Ocean of salty tears
Just out of reach
Precious dreams
Portrait of hurt
Written in a letter
Buried in the dirt.
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Luxuriate reviewed Version 1 -
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Challenging as it gets… great! Hard to imagine what’s not to get. Keep throwing spears like this one you’ll end up a heroine to up and comers looking to have meditation in thier intent. Rather then suffering in the dictionary of emotional metaphor where all image is lost.
This is art
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pariah reviewed Version 1 -
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You know honestly this didnt really grab me as i would have thought.
When writing something with as little words as possible and making a poem to be as blunt as possible which is something that i think you were trying to do here you have to understand what can be said through silence
or what in the words that you arent saying can be said through the words you are actually saying.
Does that make sense?
Anyways, you really have to work on getting across to the reader what the underlying message or meaning of the actual poem is.
I didnt feel I adequately got that here honestly.
Some of the lines felt forced and cliche
Well i say some of the lines but that would be the stanzas, but the poem overall felt forced or contrived
I feel like you wanted it to say so much more than what you actually said.
Keep working on it!
Alex_Bruinekool reviewed Version 1 -
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This poem made me feel your pain and hurt. It had good flow to it, I saw no real grammar errors, the rhymes were dead-on. I have no criticism. Good job.
nubadunk reviewed Version 1 -
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The rhyme scheme was good and the flow was nice. A well written short poem! Short simple to the point, that’s what i like.
raebethmcgee reviewed Version 1 -
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This poem is hard to understand. The last paragraph is understandable but with some revisions on some of the word choses this poem could become alive. The reader can feel what the author is saying when there are distinct and strong describing words.
jalubcarrey reviewed Version 1 -
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Short and sweet. The rhyme scheme seems to work out as well. I would probably change Ocean to Oceans or put “an” in front of Ocean, your preference. If you’re going to for the minimalist posture, and I think you are, then it is fine as is.
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