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Novel Treatments / Gothic Love - Chapter 2
Chapter 2
It seems to be unusually slow today, almost tedious. Something seems to be on my mind but I am not sure what it is. I am restless. I spend my time taking inventory and other menial tasks, wondering why I am so restless. Suddenly my pager chirps. A strange number flickers across the LED screen.
“Hello?” a husky voice offers.
“Yes, someone from this number paged me.”
“Hey Raven. It’s me, Sebastian.”
“Hi Sebastian, how are you?”
“Vertical and self-propelled, as always.”
I let him hear a little chuckle as I roll my eyes at his vain attempt at being cute.
“Stefan said I should call and apologize for last night. I asked if I made an ass of myself but he only said that I’ve done worse. If I did something wrong I want to apologize for it. I was drunk so I may not remember everything.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“Great. Still, I still would like to take you to dinner.”
“Thanks but like I told you last night I don’t have time to go out or to date because of my job.” attempting humor I add, “But if you would like to come up here to the club we can order out and have it delivered here and eat in the computer room.”
How romantic is that?
“What time is it?” he asks.
Glancing at the time clock I reply, “Seven o’clock.”
“I’ll be there in an hour”
Is he serious? I think he is bluffing but I say, ‘Ok’ anyway.
Returning to my duties I decide that I completely do not expect Mr. Vain to arrive as he has offered.
“Annie, do you remember the tall, sexy cowboy from last night at IHOP?”
“Sure do”
“He said he was going to come up here for dinner, so if he actually shows up I’ll be in the computer room eating if ya need me.”
“Gotcha covered.”
Sure enough, Mr. Confident proves he’s punctual too. He saunters in with long sexy strides and gorgeous looks. I’m awful nervous. Thank god, we’re not busy.
I grab the menu to the only decent delivery place, Texas Express, and hand it to Sebastian to distract him. A huge Texas bacon double cheeseburger with mayonnaise is the only thing that is going to rid me of the hunger pains that are gnawing at my stomach. Sebastian decides that he wants the same thing except with ketchup.
I call in the order and he drinks a beer while we wait. I continue with the evening chores, while I sense him observing me. I suddenly realize why I have been so restless. Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind he has been haunting me all day. That amazing kiss, that amazing near-kiss from last night is still haunting me.
The food arrives and we settle down in the computer room to eat. A simple conversation begins. We talk about his family, my family. My three boys, his son and how fast they grow. Then we fall silent. A sudden seriousness in Sebastian’s eye sends worry pains to my stomach.
“What are you looking for?” he asks.
“I’m not looking for anything.”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are. Your single, you’ve got to be looking for something.”
“I am not looking for anything,” I answer, but even I’m not convinced by my answer, “If there is anything that I would like to find it would be someone to change my views on love and romance, but I am not looking.”
Sebastian leans over, gazing deep into my eyes, down into my soul.
“Are you ready to stop looking?” he asks.
Fear strikes at my heart as the past reloads itself into my memory. All the lines that I’ve been told, all the lies that I’ve been fed and the pain that I’ve felt, everything that has helped to thicken this wall I’ve built to protect myself. I process his question as my heart gets ready to fight a battle for its very existence. My tongue seems to thicken the longer I look into those eyes as they burrow deeper into my soul, finding places I never knew even existed.
“Bullshit,” I finally squeak.
Sebastian smiles. That all knowing, she’s mine, vain smirk that I can’t stand on most guys but on him it is sexy. I hate him; but I am so attracted. I hate myself.
The rest of dinner goes quietly. Occasionally the phone or a request for help beckons me away. Sebastian remains patient. The waitresses flutter about giving me sly grins. I counter with a ‘Get back to work or else’ look. But I’m teasing and they know it.
After another beer, Sebastian stands.
“I’m sorry, but I have to head home. This was intriguing.”
“Thank you for coming, and buying dinner. Hold up a second and I will walk you out.”
I walk Sebastian out to his truck in complete silence. I still can’t get his question out of my mind. He is haunting me.
“I have never had a kiss tease me the way that one did last night.”
I was shocked. I thought only women had these romantic thoughts and fluttery feelings.
“Surprised me too,” I reply, trying to be prosaic. Actually, it was heart stopping.
Again, I see it coming. Sebastian takes off his hat, ever so slowly- almost seductively. He certainly knows how to move around a woman; patiently, intently.
His head tilts slightly left; the lips coming towards me in that slow hesitant, almost searching manner; preparing to take and consume me.
My heart stops again, my lips begin to tremble. My knees grow weak as I feel his breath upon my lips. Again, just breath, hot passionate, moist breath beating erratically upon my shaking lips and he stops. My soul trembles and quakes from his teasing. I’m gonna pass out if I don’t break this spell.
I pull myself away and he smiles at me.
“Yep, still feels the same,” he states as he gets in his truck, “I’ll call you later.”
An okay is all I manage. In a daze I turn and walk back into the bar.
“God, Raven. He is so sexy. You are so lucky.” Annie is buzzing around me.
“You think so?” I ask.
“Oh my yes! Has he kissed you?”
What can I say? He kissed me with actually touching me?
“If you stop spinning around me and making me dizzy I’ll tell ya.”
I tell her everything. How he teased me last night and tonight, leaving me in anticipation. What he said in the computer room while we were eating. Anne soaked it up like a sponge, her eyes huge taking in every little detail.
“That is so romantic.”
“Yes, but weird.”
“My kind of weird!”
The phone rings and the bartender answers it.
“Raven, it’s for you.” She says.
“Who is it?”
“Sebastian”
Annie squeals, “He calls you as soon as he gets home. He’s wrapped girl, he’s wrapped.”
Excitement soars through my veins and the blood rushes to my face as I walk to the office to take the call.
“Hi Sebastian.”
“Hey Raven, I just called to say thanks again for the wonderful dinner.”
“Hey the pleasure was all mine.”
The conversation ends with me declining to go out with him once again because I don’t have time to date. I did tell him he was more than welcome to come up here anytime he wanted. After all, he isn’t barred and this is a public club. At least that was my excuse in inviting him.
The night ended with Sebastian on my mind, my waitresses asking thirty questions and the bar making decent money. All’s well that ends well I guess. Once again I head to IHOP yet I eat breakfast alone, thinking of Sebastian and his wonderful kiss.
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raebethmcgee reviewed Version 1 -
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Vertical and self-propelled, as always.” – Incomplete sentence. Try adding more to it to define what the character is saying or feeling.
For the detail that is present, it’s a great start but there are a few areas where detail can be added in.
I feel that it is hard to follow along with who is saying what in the conversations. I would add who said what and how they said it. This will give the reader more to go on and help them picture it.
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tisha reviewed Version 1 -
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okay. A few clarity points. Why wouldn’t she believe him when he said he was coming (Small point). Why did you say they fell asleep? (Big Point.” Where did the waitress come from? Are there waitresses in the computer lab? I thought he didn’t remember what happened the night before. If so why does he mention the near kiss?
He kissed me with actually touching me- without
Overall I really liked it. It’s a good start but you have some editing to do.
FrakKevin reviewed Version 1 -
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Suddenly my pager chirps.-wow I forgot those existed.
It’s your main character that makes this real. I like the fact that she has three kids something that is rare in romance stories. The dialog is cool and relaxing just like the setting and main character. I rarely read romance stories, but just because of the originality I get excited when this shows up in my que.
flamebringer15 reviewed Version 1 -
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Your wording hooks the reader from the first sentence. You can feel the emotion and anticipation of the characters. They are well rounded and thought out. There were not many grammatical errors that I saw and I would love to read more. Keep up the great writing!
Flamebringer15
dcyuelling reviewed Version 1 -
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Suddenly[,] my pager chirps.
but even I’m not convinced by my answer, – Omit by my answer. after convinced it’s a good place to stop the sentence. then restart after a period. ’...but even I’m not convinced. “If…’
He kissed me with[out] actually touching me?
Definitely an amusing story. Romance is in the air. lol…very well done. Not overly boring. I’m not into romance myself, but this was nice to read.
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