Haiku/Senryu / The Gale

Very nice imagery and, as is true with most good haiku, it appeals in a number of ways to the senses.  There is a depth here also, where the hard wind bends both the tree and the old man, both standing defiant, both ultimately losing to the natural world, etc..  Good job.

The tree & the stick don’t have enough glue for me.. enough connection. But I do like the piece. The first line is my favorite.

Good symbolism. The tree bends but yet he stands strong. I like it. I’m bot sure if you need all of the commas but I suppose if you feel the pauses and want to translate that it is okay.

Very nice. You’ve got natural elements, passage of time, and it’s mostly and active and present tense feel. My one suggestion would be to change words like “bends”, “stoops”, and “grips”, to bending, etc., as haikus are quite about the act of happening. However, I’m not sure what you could drop and still keep the syllable count.

A well done haiku expresses a great deal of meaning in a few words. This poem has achieved that elusive goal with it’s unspoken comparison. Well done indeed.

Poet – This is as close to a “10” I might award without leaving margin for one must “never” achieve; my style of Haiku has been “Revisionist” (Senryu, lately Tanka, etc.) for which I have taken a fair (lol) amount of heat.  I like what you have done here in the classical sense, theme, sonics, structure; It is ever interesting how a Poet whom “knows” has the facility to say much within little.  You have masterfully done this, here.  ”Hard wind” is wonderfully- evocative, & the anthropomorphism of the “man/the tree” are not lost.  I would proffer one other comment; as with my own Work, I endeavor to avoid participles (“stooping”, “standing”) in favor of the infinitive form.  Of course, here the structure dictates, however, a stronger case, with certain exceptions, is always made by employing the latter.  TY for this Haiku poem, I hope you will Read my Work & comment -   H’H./H.e.m.

Not a bad attempt at a haiku. I’m not sure what the stick is doing in his hand. Is this perhaps a cane or walking stick? Maybe using cane would better if that’s the case.

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October 03, 2009

by Matthewtuckey

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27	M	United Kingdom	November 22

Yep it’s a walking stick. A cane, to my mind, is something carried by a traditional Shepherd or some kind of uber-rich ghetto pimp.

October 03, 2009

by Jeff0307

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23	M	Bradenton, FL	October 19

In the U.S., perhaps not the U.K., “cane” is probably the most commonly used word for walking stick. I think shepherds use a staff.

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