Oh my goodness you are right! I never made it to the second page! I dont know how I missed that! Remove the comment about vaugeness. I can absolutely relate to dealing with mental illness in a loved one. At first (without the second page) I thought this was about the suicide of a loved one, but now I can understand completely what the poem is about.
The last line confused me a little bit as to the intended meaning. I enjoyed this poem and thanks for the message!
Poetry / Drowning in Ink
You told me
That you were afraid
Of water
And that all I ever did
Was cast you adrift
In the oceans
Of my tear-stained poems
You were drowning
In ink…
You also told me
That the only thing
You remembered about being with me
Was that I always kept
A bowl of pomegranates
On the kitchen table…
I remember that too…
I also remember
That morning
You ate two of them
Their blood-red skin
Yielding to your prying fingertips…
You ate two of them
Opened your eyes wide
And went insane…
For two months
The only thing out of your mouth
Were jingles from commercials
You had learned
In the blue light of the television…
When, after these long weeks,
You finally snapped out of it
You proclaimed yourself
The new messiah and spat the Bible at me…\
I was already broken
By the fluorescent light
In the sad hospital rooms
So I asked you
“Well, if you’re God
Then why don’t you fly
Out the fucking window?”
And you ran
And crashed into the bars…
And I remember
The trickle of blood
Down your forehead
And I remember the shame
In being happy
That somehow… somehow I had finally hurt you too.
It took me
Two years
To grow tired
And stop visiting
It took me
Two weeks
To pack your things
Into boxes and bags
And it took me
Two days
To help your mother
Move it all
To her house…
Please don’t think
That because I have
A new house
A new car
A new lover
And a new dog
(The other one ran away
Looking for you)
That there aren’t nights
When I want to run
Under the window
Where you were first locked up
And scream up to you
For all our plans
The things we had dreamed and hoped for
The things we planned, fought and survived for
And all the places we never made it to…
New York, Paris, London, Rome… home…
I had never wanted to learn
How to breathe
Without you
On the other side of that breath.
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JayCee reviewed Version 2 -
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I am glad to see that you re-posted this so that everyone can read the entire poem. It is fabulous and profound and sad. You had gotten my review from before but I will review it again because I love it very much. My favorite lines that hit me this time are…”Rome…home…” and ”...you had learned in the blue light of the television” (very intense). It really is well written. Just so you know because it will only show when someone reviews…the font gets messed up a bit and indents your poem all wacky (not like your old way) and when you turn the page you sometimes lose the 1st line into font settings. An Urbis flaw.
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amiller reviewed Version 1 -
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This is very good. I have family members who are mentally ill, and the way you decribe the blue light of the television, the jingles, (which often metally ill people reeat over and over non sensical phrases} the relious preoccupation and distortion of religion in mental illness, the florescent light in the sad hosptial room. The part about the dog really drove it home. It had a good beat and rythem resonating in sadness. You really have a lot of talent and succinctly describe something in a sparse tragic way.. kudos!!
JayCee reviewed Version 1 -
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This poem is so unique and different. I really liked it a lot. I read very fast but sort of like a mini movie. Your descriptive tone with the pomegranates and tv jingles and the character going mad made the subjects jump off the page. That says a lot for a poem! I particularly loved the end with the two years, two weeks, two days In the beginning of reading, I was going to critique that you broke the long writing up into stanza formation in order to simplify the read, but now I see why you did not. It workd beautifully as one long cohesive unit. Well done. I am giving it all 10.
Jeff0307 reviewed Version 1 -
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The voice and tone is very clear and consistent. Kind of an eerie coldness. Very sad poem and filled with angst, very apparently expressed. I enjoyed the visuals you attached with your words, they brought the poem to life for me. Some parts were vague and I had trouble understanding the intetion.
DanielleSnelson reviewed Version 1 -
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this was so very touching. absolutely beautiful. bravo, absolutely fantastic. all i can say is i hope some one with some power finds your work. good job.
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